Feb 152022

Some of you may be asking, “Erin, do you still have a child?”

“What’s going on with Chooch?”

“Did CPS finally succeed in taking your kid away?”

I’m happy to report that I still do have a child, actually. And now I will give you some updates on his life which will be hard considering that he is At That Age where it would be nice if someone could also give me some updates on his life, you know.

  • He’s been on a solid 4.0 streak in high school! Glad he still loves school
  • However! He is still consistently proving that his school smarts don’t transfer very far into real life. For example!! He gets out of school on Wednesdays and that’s also one of his regular days off of work so I never expect him to come straight home. Sometimes he’ll take the T to the mall with his friends, or they’ll hang around Oakland after school because Oakland is also the home to Pitt’s campus so there is a ton of shit to do there.

    However, this one recent Wednesday, I hadn’t heard from him since around 3:30 and it was now nearly dinner time (lol like we have traditional “dinner time” at our house or something) and he still wasn’t home, nor was he answering me. I started to get mildly anxious about this after awhile which was actually good because it meant that I really do have some sort of maternal stuffs in my blood or whatever.

    But then Henry got pinged when Chooch used his credit card (which Henry has parental control over, not me, lol) at Boyce Park. Ok so you’re probably thinking, “OK he went to a park, big deal” except that this park isn’t nearby and the reason he went there was to go snowboarding AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT HE HAS NEVER SNOWBOARDED BEFORE. EITHER HAVE THE TWO KIDS HE WENT WITH. Oh and also, none of them had the proper WINTER SPORTS costume!! They were all dressed in tennis shoes, jeans, and hoodies. No gloves! No boots! No hats! Snowboarding for the first time without any of their Mommys there to scream and wince every time one of them so much as tripped over their own foot. Of course Chooch’s phone had died shortly after leaving school, but he didn’t think this was a problem since he allegedly told (“told” is the operative word here, not “asked”) us the day before that this was the plan and he must have whispered this into the cat’s ear and relied on her to pass on the secret, which I’M SORRY BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Anyway, I was so mad! And then, the richest part, is that he had the audacity to call Henry from one of his buddies’ phones at 8pm to ask for a ride home (for all of them!) when they MISSED THE BUS because they were ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Henry said all three of them were sopping wet messes and his friends happily described in detail the part of the adventure where Chooch fell and did a 360 flip going down a hill and I am so fucking glad I wasn’t there to see that because y’all know I’d have had jello legs and probably would have barfed too.

  • He continues to be the Most Frustrating Person To Text:

  • We play Wordle every day and it’s really killing our relationship. He is convinced that I cheat and I DO NOT CHEAT. He just sucks at knowing words.
  • Can you guess what the weirdo wanted as a reward for getting a 4.0? A stuffed Bambi that he saw at the Kohl’s checkout.

    He was going to buy it for himself because Henry had just finished paying but then at the last second, Henry grabbed it off of him and bought it himself, lol. Chooch did a dumb victory dance and I was like, “Wow, so this is 15.” And then I thought back to myself at 15 and nodded. Yep, that’s 15!

  • I bet he’s lost every single one of those pencils I bought him last week.

This sucks. I barely see him anymore because of his dumb McDonald’s job so this isn’t much of an update. But I will say he brought home a meatless Big Mac a few weeks ago (literally everything but the meat). I thought it was dumb and made fun of him but then I said, “OK LET ME HAVE A BITE” and it was actually good, lol.  McDonald’s is still the worst though (his manager is a dumb cunt I swear to god, I want to fight her) and I hope he gets a better job once he turns 16.

Oh here he is, just coming home from his weekly thingy at the Carnegie Science Center (it’s like a mentor program thing where they learn how to use 3D printers and stuff like that I dunno I only half-read the thing and still made him sign up for it because I thought it would look nice on college applications yes no maybe dot dot dot…) so I said, “Oh good, you’re home – THINK FAST tell me something you’re into lately” and he said, “I dunno – puzzles I guess. I’ve been doing Sudoku” and I screamed, “Oh I like Sudoku too!” and then we just fought over who has been doing Sudoku longer (me) and who is better (me) so good job, Blog, you made us fight.

(It doesn’t take much haha.)

Say it don't spray it.

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