Mar 012022

I used to talk on the phone with friends all the time and now no one calls each other and if they do, we’re put in panic mode because a PHONE CALL is never good. I hate that. And like right now I have all of this nervous WWIII????? energy and back in the day, I’d remedy that by chatting on the phone and smoking 1/2 a pack of Camel Wides, like you do. But instead I will turn up the Kpop really loud to block out Those Fucking Child Monsters next door (SCREAM SCREAM YELL CRY SCREAM ALL THE LIVELONG DAY) and pretend that instead of typing on a shitty blog like a loner, I’m talking to YOU directly. That will be especially awkward if YOU are a sworn enemy who is hate-reading this lllololollllllololool ugh.

  • After we got home from Columbus Saturday night, Precious Son actually CHOSE TO HANG OUT WITH US. I mean, not for more than hour but that’s still a good chunk of a teenager’s time, you know. He was teaching Henry how to play some card game while I refused to participate and opted instead to scream stuff about kpop. It was really nice having Family Time until Chooch started being mean, like when I showed him the picture of Robert Smith & Mary that was hanging above our booth at Seitan’s Realm and he deadpanned, “Who’s that, Pee Wee Herman?”
  • Later, when Chooch was being interviewed for the fake documentary about our lives, he bitched about how he wanted to take advantage of us being gone all day by actually using the TV in the living room to watch YouTube except that the whole thing was “clogged” with NCT videos (“Haechan being whipped for Renjun for 9 minutes,” for example). “I tried to watch YouTube on the TV and it was literally all NCT stuff. I had to switch to my account to be able to do ANYTHING.” LOL OK Chooch, cry about it. Then he admitted that he actually does think the whole NCT universe is good but not good enough for him to share with his friends, ugh. OR ARE THEY TOO GOOD FOR HIM TO SHARE WITH HIS FRIENDS.
  • I got to see some work friends on Sunday for the first time in 2 years and the emotions were off the charts. First of all, it was under sad circumstances so there was that. Then it was disorienting but all at once comfortable too and I was completely overwhelmed.  I am definitely ready for the official “return to office” in April even if it’s just a handful of days a month.

  • I found this shop on Etsy that makes the most beautiful NCT-inspired shirts so I snagged this NCT Dream one. It came today and immediately made me happy and calm. I felt like I was ensconced in a warm hug when I put it on. I love that it has illustrated depictions of several of their music videos. LIKE: WE GO UP! This was their comeback that made me truly like them – prior to this, I was strictly an NCT127 stan. But Renjun’s “I need you right here” at 2:24 and Haechan’s “jeonjeonhi” right before that really gave me chills and still does! I can’t believe this came out in 2018, it’s been that long already. Time, man.

Sorry, being an old lady fangirl is all that’s helping me keep my shit together these days, OK. It’s either Kpop or defenestration.

  • Henry, looking for a garbage can in a parking lot: I don’t see one, do you? Me: Yes. Henry, spinning all around: Where?? Me: UP YOUR BUTT. (He falls for this shit every time and it never gets old and neither do I!!)

Why tho???

Why tho?? Part 2

  • One thing I hate about weekends is that Henry is always in the background, oafing around, peering over my shoulder while I’m TRYING to cook the only thing I can handle – scrambled egg beaters and toast – and hollering like a drunk hillbilly about HOW I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PAN. Literally, STFU Hank. And he wonders why I have absolutely zero desire to develop any semblance of a cooking skill! So we had this big quarrel (LOL I hate that word) in the kitchen about this and I was like how about I RUIN THE PAN AND YOUR ASS AT THE SAME TIME BY SHOVING ONE INTO THE OTHER. Yeah, how about that you dumb bitch. That’s what I thought. He left me alone long enough to eat 2/3 of my boring, tired breakfast in peace before stamping over in his ogre cadence to shout, “OH YOU WERE RUINING MY PAN 17 YEARS AGO TOO ACCORDING TO MY PHOTO MEMORY FROM 17 YEARS AGO” and then shoved his phone in my face to show me this picture of the “dessert” I concocted out of desperation for something sweet. It was made with sliced bananas, sugar, blackberry jam, oil, and whatever speck of ingenuity I could find within myself. Henry was like, “THIS IS NOT GOING TO TASTE GOOD” and I was like, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT SWEETHEART” and then he was like, “YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOURS—” as I shoved a sizzling banana bit into my stubborn maw, burning my lips and tongue in the process. My teeth were basically shellacked with a crystalline blackberry shell for the rest of the night. I eventually got Henry to try one and he slapped himself in the face and because it hurt his teeth so badly, and said, “That was absolutely disgusting.” And if you’re like, “WOW ERIN IT IS AMAZING HOW YOU REMEMBER THINGS VERATIM” I am here to crush your assumptions by telling you that I totally looked up my old LiveJournal post about this “dish” and paraphrased for nostalgia’s sake.

  • Remember when I was on a Ronnie Milsap kick last week after hearing one of his songs at THE BONFIRE RESTAURANT? Well, I somehow (lol somehow) found myself trolling comments on his YouTube videos. I was going to reply to ROBERT SMITH II’s comment and say, ‘I wish you were real and had meaning,” but then I saw Clem Fandango’s reply and literally laughed so hard that it turned into straight up wheezing and then I was crying which turned into full-blown MANIC EPISODE SOBBING. I even it to my brother who was like, “haha” but was probably really like, “OK so..?” and Henry was like, “OK, TIME TO CALM DOWN.”


OK it’s not that funny the second time around. I concur.

OK I got nothing else. If we’re staying true to the ON THE PHONE theme, I’ll pretend like you’re Henry and end the call the way I do with him, which is *dial tone*.

Say it don't spray it.

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