Jun 012022
 

Yo, just when you thought I forgot to recap the second day of our recent-ish Cedar Point weekend, here I come peeing on your parade! We’ll do it bullet point-style though and maybe that will make it better.

  • First, I was so nervous because as pass holders, we get early entry, BUT since we had a guest with us who was NOT a pass holder, we weren’t sure if it was going to fly. Henry asked some of the employees at the gate when we were leaving the night before and the one person said that it really depended on which ticket-scanner we got the next morning. She said if it were her, she would allow it, but it was basically the luck of the draw. Henry purposely chose an old lady, thinking that she would be easy to convince, but I swear to god there was a moment when we were certain she was going to say no. Her face got real stern-looking as Henry asked her if Zakk could come in early too, then she stared off into the distance for a split second, and nodded with a sigh. We were so happy! Thank you to THAT lady! Every kid should get to experience early entry at least once, it’s so fucking wonderful.

  • We lined up for Millenium Force immediately, as this is the best bet when it comes to early entry (Steel Vengeance and Maverick weren’t even on the list for it, probably because they never get started on time, who knows). Chooch and Zakk were lagging behind us and then Chooch had the audacity to try and cut in front of two people who got in line behind me and Henry and I was like, “No, you will not be one of those people!” So Chooch, totally appalled, went with Zakk to the back of the line (about 10 more people had got in line behind us while this was happening, sorry Chooch, maybe try to keep up with your “old ‘rents.'”) Hilariously, once we got into the station they still ended up behind us in line for the back row, lol. We ended up being the 4th train of the day, I think. Millie in the Morning, always a great way to start the day!

  • It was Zakk’s first time to ride it and he loved it! I could slap Chooch though because prior to this trip, he was telling me that Zakk was too scared to ride Millie the last time he was at Cedar Point and I was like, “Wow, homeboy needs Chooch to help him conquer his fears.” Yeah but what Chooch failed to me was that Zakk was EIGHT the last time he was there!!

  • We rode Iron Dragon after this for early entry, then Henry had the grand idea to get in the “pre-line” for Maverick since it was 9:40 and the ride should open with the park at 10. Except that it didn’t open with the park at 10 because it was DOWN. Intamin, you’re so frustrating!! But we love you anyway. Here are things that happened in line:
    • Some teenager/early 20s guy casually cut in front of the people behind us and they called him out on it! I mean, they let him stand there for a bit until it looked like the line was going to move and then the lady was like, “Excuse me, I don’t think you belong in this spot. I think you need to go to the back of the line.” This started a super awkward exchange where the kid was like OH I WAS JUST SITTING HERE and she was like “Yeah but this is a line and I think you’re trying to cut” so then he got all flustered and said he was just going to stand near the front of the line and we were like “OK COOL STORY” so he left but joke’s on us because we ended up standing in this fucking line for 90 MINUTES HENRY THANKS SO MUCH. Anyway, it was a good ice breaker though because we ended up talking to that couple for a bit about how line-jumping is such an issue and the biggest problem is that it keeps happening because no one wants to be the person to call them out because you just don’t know who you’re dealing with anymore and the park stuff usually doesn’t want to handle it either because it’s a hassle to GOD FORBID adhered to your policies and remove the INTERLOPER from the park. I don’t think INTERLOPER works here but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Anyway, those people were cool. She looked like she could have been a biker bitch in the best sense, and he was super interested in the birds and tried to give one the gum out of his mouth??
    • Somewhere behind us, there was an elementary school-aged boy in a giant t-shirt and huge jeans who kept screaming OPEN THE RIDE!!!!!! Like, furiously shouting this until his voice went hoarse. “I bet he’s fun at sporting events” I said to Henry, who laughed but I know he didn’t hear me. Eventually the kid had enough and stormed off to the front of the line, I guess to confront the Cedar Point employee who was stationed at the ride entrance. Would have loved to have heard that convo!!
    • I was obsessed with the group of….high school seniors, maybe?…that were in front of us. The girls were EXHAUSTED and laying on the ground, complaining about how long we have been in line, and then they were all playing cool games like DUCK DUCK GOOSE (ok only the one girl was actively playing and the rest were just kind of sitting in a circle and refusing to get up) and Ninja which I will never understand. They were super entertaining and seemed like the types of people I would have been friends with in high school so they can stay.
    • SteVe actually opened at 10 so to rub salt in the Maverick wound, we had to stand there watching trains cycle through with happy riders screaming.
    • Everyone in our section of the line were certified ride maintenance workers by the time the ride opened, since we had to stand there watching it being tested. “It’s the second launch, I’m telling you!” I cried to Henry 1000 times until he finally believed me which I know because he tried to co-opt my hypothesis as his own 20 minutes later. “Count how many seconds the trains stay down there [where the second launch happens; it’s like a shed/tunnel]. It’s REALLY LONG, like 12 seconds!” I back  up my theories with evidence, yo. I didn’t get a fake SCIENTIST degree by doing NOTHING.
    • It was a real party atmosphere when the damn thing finally opened. We were close enough to the front of the line that we made it all the way to the steps of the station before coming to a stop. It sucks because if the fucking thing had opened on time, our overall wait time (including when we got in line prior to the ALLEGED 10am opening) would have been about 25 minutes which is SUPER SHORT for dumb Maverick. Look, this ride is great but also kind of overhyped? It is not worth waiting 90 minutes but that was the hole that Henry dug for us on that Sunday morning, so whatever.
    • True to form, as soon as we were loaded onto our train, one of the other ones cycling through the track broke down again so we had to sit in the station while one of the crew played rock paper scissors (it will always be the Korean version for me, thanks) with some of the people waiting to ride. One thing Cedar Point really has going for them is OUTSTANDING ride operators/attendants. This person (wish I had been able to see her name on her tag) was so fun and upbeat, so much so that I wasn’t even aware that she was stalling us at first! Her ability to distract was impeccable.
  • Of course the wait time for SteVe was 15 minutes the whole time we were in line for Maverick, but then shot up to 75 by the time we got off Maverick. Thanks, Henry.

  • I got Henry back by forcing him to ride Gemini, which had a 5 minute wait time despite only running two trains on one side (what is up with all these parks having racing coasters that don’t race?!?! Is Kennywood the only park with a consistently-racing Racer??). We made it all the way to the platform in about five minutes, so that wait time was accurate. HOWEVER. The train that loaded right before it was our turn broke down on the lift hill, so our 5 minute wait turned into about a 25 minute wait lol and as you can tell by that picture of Henry up there, he was T-H-to-the-RILLED. That was dumb, I apologize. Here are things that happened while in line:
    • The one young ride attendant, DAVID, was a really great MC. He was telling us coaster-related jokes, such as WHAT IS A ROLLER COASTER’S FAVE VEG? CELE-WHEEEEEE. I laughed obnoxiously hard at this and Henry muttered, “Stop.” Then David had us take a poll re: pancakes vs. waffles. Waffles won but David was not happy about it. When we finally got to ride, David, who was wearing a headset so everything he said was broadcasted through the station, said, “BYE-eeee” to us but when we rolled past him, I said BYE directly to him, and he said BYE BACK TO ME BUT IT WAS AMPLIFIED THROUGH THE STATION AND I WAS SO EXCITED, LIKE WHEN I’M ABLE TO GET OTR TRUCKERS TO BLOW THEIR HORN (in the most chaste, innocent sense imaginable here thank you). Henry was not amused by any of this, but he was amused by….
    • ….the collection of middle-aged, unhappy looking maintenance men who arrived on the scene. Most notably, Keith. Henry was really into giving a play-by-play of their actions. “OK now here comes RON to stand around also doing nothing. This is just fucking great, Erin.”

  • If Henry wrote a Yelp review for Gemini, it would probably be: I took my hat off for this?

  • Finally got a CHEESE ON A STICK after years of thinking that Carrie’s top rec at Cedar Point was a Bosco Stick, and NEWS ALERT, the stand for which has been removed after said-years of letting people down with their non-stock/non-workers. Anyway, I’m glad that this was actually the thing that Carrie was talking about, because it was divine. I LOVE corn dog batter so I was stoked to be able to get a hotdog-less version. The cheese was so creamy and interesting!! I shared it with Henry but now I wish I had just hogged the whole thing for myself because he was so-so about it in his review. “Well, once you have these in Korea…” he started to mansplain and OK, solid point. But I still thought this was a 10/10 for theme park snacks, go stand somewhere else, Hank.

  • Gatekeeper had pretty short lines all day!

  • Blue Streak selfie. It was almost a walk-on, we love that.
  • Speaking of my PIERCE THE VEIL shirt, the day before when we were in line for Raptor, it was air-dropping central and someone with the phone name CARAPHERNALIA air-dropped me a picture of a kitten and I was screaming because THAT IS THE NAME OF A REALLY GREAT PIERCE THE VEIL SONG so I wanted to air-drop them back a picture of Vic (the singer) but they weren’t accept air drops, TYPICAL. Anyway, I thought it was pretty coincidental since I packed my PTV shirt for the weekend trip. I wish I had been wearing it that day though instead! Also, the park person at the entrance of Rougarou said she liked my shirt <3

  • Um, OK Sunflower burger, I see you! I got this from one of the local food trucks that set up shop inside the park (super big props to Cedar Point for allowing this!!) and it was so delicious and healthy that I was inspired to return to the food truck to tell them so. I DID A GOOD, you guys. I DID A GOOD.
  • Meanwhile, Henry got mac & cheese and pretzel bites (hoo boy, they were so good and the opposite of healthy) from another food truck and was still eating when I happened to look at the CP app and screamed, “STEVE HAS A 10 MINUTE WAIT.” It must have been down and then recently reopened because those are the only times you will see wait times that low! Poor Henry wasn’t done eating but I was like CHOP CHOP MOTHERCHEFFER so he had to shovel down the rest while hunched over and walking to the garbage can, and then I inevitably got an earful about how “I thought this was supposed to be A SLOW-PACED weekend” lolol when is it ever? Bitch, I don’t know how to be slow!

  • It took us probably FIFTEEN MINUTES to get to the SteVe because there is no fast way to get from one side of the park to the other PLUS that fucking train was crossing right in front of the SteVe plaza and I was so pissed. The asshole manning the entrance of SteVe (literally the only sour CP employee we encountered all weekend and he was at this post both days) was like, “DON’T RUN. THE RIDE IS CEMENTED DOWN AND NOT GOING ANYWHERE.” I thought he was scolding me but Henry said it was the kids behind us. Whatever, I still hated this guy for yelling about fanny packs when they clearly can fit in the free lockers so I took everything out of mine (just my phone and lipgloss lol) and then folded the fanny pack so Henry could shove it in his pocket in order for us to get past the FANNY PACK WARDEN. Then, OMG, all of our stuff fit perfectly in a free locker, can you even believe it. Anyway, the above picture is where we ended up in line as soon as we got there, and if you know anything about SteVe’s queue line, you know that this is A GOOD SPOT, like almost to where Fast Pass entrance is and pretty close to where the lockers are.
    • Some broad behind us in mentioned wearing steeltoed boots to a concert. Henry mumbled “Only time I’d wear those would be if I was carrying steel.” Me: THATS ACTUALLY WHAT THOSE ARE FOR?? Henry: yeah, what did you think they were for?” Me: Kicking ppl?! Henry: NO!
      • See also: the things you learn when in line for SteVe.
    • We asked for the back row this time (lol the crew just loves that) and the guy reluctantly allowed it. This made me really confused all over again over which is better: SteVe or Iron Gwazi??? I think I am still siding with IG because it was just more ridiculous and fun and we were able to ride it multiple times in one visit. Good luck doing that with SteVe unless you have Fast Pass or Fast Lane, whatever they call it.

  • We rode the train for the first time ever! I had no idea that it was actually themed. It was fun!

  • We also rode the skyride for the first time! It’s pretty lame though because it doesn’t traverse the whole park, but it was still nice to relax for a minute and take in the nice views. Cedar Point is extremely photogenic. I will now proceed to clog your sight-orbs with pictures for no reason:

  • In line for Rougarou – last ride of the day before having to leave, wah :( I hate that CP is like, nearly a 3 hour drive. I would have stayed until it closed otherwise, but it was a SCHOOL NIGHT and we had someone else’s kid with us.

  • Told Chooch we were leaving at 5 but then he and Zakk got stuck in line for Millie so Henry and sat around eating popcorn when we should have just gone and ridden something near the front of the park and had them meet us there, ugh.

  • Leaving amusement parks is definitely one of the “sometimes moody” occasions.

BYE CEDAR POINT! TIL NEXT TIME! (Maybe while Chooch is in Mexico lol.)

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