Aug 252022

[Sidenote: I’ve been stalking Morey’s to see if they ever posted our group picture and apparently the used a cropped version of it on their 2023 Coastin’ By the Ocean registration page – yes, you can already register for next year! They don’t waste any time. Anyway, I’m laughing being the annoying coaster ‘tuber got cut out of the picture. You can see me in the back!!]

Look, you’re tired of hearing/reading about it, I’m tired of writing about it (j/k I’m loving these recaps because it’s like I’m still there when I am actually just in dumbo Pittsburgh ugh), so I’m going to try and zip through the last installment of the Coastin’ By the Ocean 2022 series, OK?!

Sunday consisted of 11-12pm ERT on the rides at Morey’s Piers, and then we moved on over to the Adventure Pier where we got ERT on all of the extreme rides which are normally an upcharge of $20+ per person, but were all included with our pass! That didn’t delight me very much because some of these extreme thrill rides are a bit too much even for me. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

The guy in the patterned shirt is the one who called out my Gemini tshirt the day before – he was so cool! Anyway, you can kind of see Chooch and me on the Sea Serpent even though Henry always wants to stand as far away as possible so we’re just blurred smudges in a sea of strangers.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that the Sea Serpent sucks. It does not. It’s iconic and forceful!

Can we talk about Morey’s Music? Just like last summer, my aural experience was excelsior, literally the best summer soundtrack. I even opened my Notes to jot down some of the stuff we heard Saturday morning on Surfside Pier, which was playing most stuff from the late 1990s:

  • Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World
  • Shimmer – Fuel
  • Inside Out – Eve6

Of course, we heard some Cure and HOWARD JONES too, and “How Soon is Now” by the Smiths. I have noticed that the era of music varies depending on which pier you’re on – for example, Mariner’s Piers stays true to the pure 1980s nostalgic ear worms and I love them for that. Unlike most parks where you’re guaranteed to have, I dunno, Party in the USA or some Taylor Swift blah blah beat into your ‘drums, Morey’s puts THOUGHT into their playlists. I need to meet the person in charge of this at some point because they are truly doing the lord’s work.


OK moving on! Let’s just mostly look at some pictures, because Morey’s is a beautiful spot.

I feel like Flying Galleons was the longest line we waited in all weekend and it was only about 20 minutes and I will tell you why it took long – the ride op was letting in some PEASANTS who weren’t sporting the special Coastin’ By the Ocean wristband! He did turn some people away but we couldn’t figure out what his thought process was.

Looking for my birthday present to the right….

…to the left….


Look at Great White over there, creeping up along the beach!

Missing his Mexico Squad, boo hoo *in Spanish*.

Praying for me to stop asking about my birthday present. (For those following along at home, wondering if I ever got it, I’ll spare you the suspense: N-O. Maybe next year LOL.

That “LOL” was passive aggressive, in case you couldn’t tell.

In line for Whirlwind Whizzer lol.

I wanted to ride the balloons but then forgot that I wanted to ride them and am just now remembering as I look at this and now I’m sad.

Buncha thoosies.

Um, I have no idea what he was signaling to us here. “I JUST REMEMBER THERE’S NOTHING IN HERE, MY HEAD IS JUST AN EMPTY SHELL.”

Us in line for Whirlwind Whizzer, alternate angle.

The ride op was so fucking cheerful on this one. I mean, they all are and it’s really unique because Morey’s has some kind of international summer work exchange program or something where people from all over the world come here to work the piers and their name tags all tell their home country –  my favorite was the kid from Malaysia who was running IT on Saturday. You get to interact with friendly, cool people from all over the world and they really give you the best customer experience possible. It’s a stark contrast to some of the other parks where the ride operators look like they’d rather drink acid than smiling at riders.

Every single Morey’s ride operator waves to you too as your ride starts up, and it’s fucking adorable and so much fun to wave back.

On Saturday, I was like, “Oh yeah, I forgot they do this here,” while dusting off my best jazz hands.

Getting some dumb pineapple drink in between piers.

Over on Adventure Pier, I rode this piece of shit extreme ride with Chooch and it was an actual hellscape except hundreds of feet in the air instead of in the scorched earth.

It was similar to that asshole ride at Six Flags Great Escape, except only two people can sit on each end and it was somehow way worse / scarier than the other one. The ride op asked me if I was excited and I was like DO I LOOK LIKE IT and she was all, in her Russian accent, “Oh, this is the BEST ride on the WHOLE boardwalk! I ride it every morning! It’s fun you will LUFF it!” and I was like, “Mm we’ll see about th—–OMFG UGHHHHHHH CHOOCH I HATE YOU, I’M GOING TO DIE, THIS IS SO AWFUL!! CHOOCH *PAUSES TO CHOKE ON TONGUE* I’M GOING TO PEE MY PANTS CHOOCH *GAGS ON FEAR* NO SRSLY CHOO—-AHHHHHHHH OMG HOW IS THIS LEGAL???”

Yeah, it was an absolute fucking nightmare. Especially when it pauses you at the top while the people below are being let off and you can feel every single movement that they’re making down there, and it’s like, “Just look at the scenery, enjoy the scenery. Beautiful oce——OMFG IT’S GOING BACKWARD NOW?? OMG IT’S LIKE WE’RE CAREENING FACE FIRST INTO THE CONCRETE, CHOOCH!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THIS IS AWFUL!! LET ME OFF!”

And he’s just over there smiling like a derelict. Honest to god though I was laughing and crying at the same time, but then my laughs would get snagged in my throat as my body periodically did a full shut-down into preservation mode.

My heartrate is actually accelerating a little bit at the memory of this.

Anyway, once the ride was done, the girl asked how I liked it and I was like IT WAS SOMETHING and then slinked out of the seat.

“Could you hear me screaming?” I asked Henry, who was like, “Um, YES. EVERYONE could you hear you screaming.”

“Even the part about how I was going to pee my pants?”

“Yep, even that part,” he said with a frown.

Then Chooch and I rode Great White twice in a row because they let us stay on!

OMG see the guy in the pink outfit? He was part of the event and I was OB-SESSED with him ever since watching his video from, I think 2019 when he also attended this event as a guest of one of his friends who is an ACE member. He was just so cool in his video and on both days this year he was wearing really amazing summer rompers.

Henry said I should have just talked to him. He was too cool for me though :(

Since I rode that Skyscraper shit show with Chooch, Henry took one for the team and got in line for the Slingshot thing.


One of the ladies from the event came over and said to me, “You’re sitting this one out too, huh?” and I was like, “Look, I went on that stupid thing over there so I paid my dues!” She looked at the Skyscraper and said, “OMG I won’t get on that thing either!”

Smart woman.

Although…now I’m kind of craving another go on it?!

Did you guys know that Chooch and I are such avid smoothie bowl fans that we are currently open to any and all sponsorship opportunities? I WILL SELL MY SOUL FOR A SMOOTHIE BOWL HOOK-UP, TRUST.

Anyway, Henry stood too close to this smoothie shack and I said, “OMG ARE WE GETTING SMOOTHIE BOWLS??” and he was saying no, I was giving him my order, and then Chooch wanted one, so then Henry sighed and even got himself a smoothie too! (Not a smoothie bowl though, he’s not sophisticated enough for the things that go into and on top of a smoothie bowl.)

God yes, my body was like NOURISH ME, SEMPAI after the pizza blitz from Saturday.

Henry finally got his lime rickey. I didn’t like it. It had too much rickey to it.

Next time, I want to eat at Snow White! It has such an iconic sign and there’s a recording of some old guy reading off the specials that plays all day long. (Wait, I think that’s at Snow White! Do not quote me. #FakeJournalism)

Couldn’t leave without Curley’s!

Ugh, this was our final memory of Morey’s Piers 2022. I still can’t believe that last year was my first time back in nearly 30 years, and then we came back this year too! I suggested that we buy a beach house there and Henry was like “OK Fake Attorney.”

I am trying to push for an extended stay maybe next June, where we make Wildwood our home base for like 4 nights and then hit up all the neighboring boardwalk parks.

Right before we left, there was a brief moment when I thought Henry was proposing to me on the Wildwood boardwalk after 21 years but he was actually just kneeling down to tie his shoe. 🤷🏼‍♀️ A very Oh Honestly Erin ending to the weekend.

Also, I just realized that it would have been right next to a garbage can so I’m glad it wasn’t actually a proposal although it would have been so apropos. An aproposal, even. #noringforme #couldaputitinthelimerickey

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