First, I want you all to watch EXO’s comeback video. I already made Janna watch it. Her bias is Baekhyun, in case you’re wondering.
Next, I want you all to schedule a skin screening if you haven’t had one. I have been living with this small mole-ish thing on my thigh and then I noticed one on my arm and I can’t really say I have been IGNORING it since I cry and whine about it every day while screaming about cancer and Henry is like “then go get it looked at” and I’m like “WHY WOULD I DO THAT??”
I guess I’m just trying to be a BRAVE GIRL in spite of my utter aversion to doctors of all persuasions. So first step – schedule a skin screening.
First of all, Henry was originally going to go with me because he’s my emotional support beard, but then he thought the appt was 330 when it was actually 3 and I needed to be there at 245. Needless to say, when I called him at 2:10 to see where tf he was and he said “just leaving work now” I was like “cool guess I’m going alone bye.” I got there with one minute to spare for my “fifteen minutes early” request but some fucker was already checking in and he also was apparently a new patient but shoooooo it was taking a ridiculously long time and then he didn’t know his wife’s phone number for emergency contact purposes and had to look it up?!
While this was happening I took a seat to wait for my turn but I sat too close to the edge and almost fell out of it.
An older woman next to me chuckled. “I did the same thing!”
Ooh human contact, the thing I crave the most in moments of extreme anxiety! “AS IF IM NOT NERVOUS ENOUGH!” I laughed but actually I was trying not to cry.
“Oh you’ll be fine!” she said, but then she got called back so I was back to being alone in my dire thoughts. You guys have no idea the amount of time I spent researching this visit. My search history at work probably looks like I have an ugly skin fetish.
Then it was my turn to register. I started to give the broad my info and as she was typing, I took that opportunity to fill the silence with my rapid blurts of “IM VERY SCARED.” She seamlessly assumed the role of Mother Hen and soothed me with kind words. Then she asked me the name of my family doctor and I sheepishly said that I didn’t have one. She side-eyed me and defensively said that I’m scared of doctors. “This was a really big deal just scheduling this appointment. Baby steps!” And then I promised that finding a pcp would be step 2. I actually had an appt scheduled with one last summer and she had to cancel at the last minute because she needed to take an indefinite leave of absence so I took that as a sign that she was only going to diagnose me horrible things that I’m better off not knowing about, so.
Anyway, then I gave her my emergency contact’s number which I know OFF BY HEART because everyone should know at least persons number by memory!!!
(I don’t know Chooch’s though, isn’t that awful lol.)
Before I could even get very involved in doom scrolling through my fatal thoughts, I was called back by the nurse practitioner lady who was AMAZING. As soon as she shut the door behind her, words just tumbled out of my mouth. Things like “so scared” “ugh” “can I just leave?” and she calmly said, “hey look. You gotta think positive or bad things will happen!” And I was like “ok sure but is there a way to put me under for this?”
She did my intake questions and then gave me a paper gown to put on once she left, which I spent the next five minutes trying to open and the ripped part of it, but did eventually get it to encase my whole torso at least. Then I sat there, sweating and shivering and shaking. I am such a mess sometimes.
(Lol sometimes.)
When the doctor came in several minutes later, I was fully shook. She introduced herself and I practically screamed LOOK AT THIS and so she checked out the spots that I was concerned with and lightly laughed. “Nothing to worry about! Those are just dermatofibroma!”
Pfft ok silly me!
Then she did the full body scan and said I have good skin! I like having good things! I am very relieved. I was prepared to have a biopsy done today. I even googled it and felt that I could handle it because I’m not as afraid of needles when they’re not drawing blood.
I’m so glad that it’s over and I had good results but I was sincerely worried about some of these things and it was s good reminder that I need to be more diligent about more than just my teeth and eyeballs but wowwwweeee the way I get so worked up, I’m liable to just end up giving myself high blood pressure while trying to be preventative about everything else.
Also, I liked the thingie she was using to inspect my dermatoblahblahs. Also, she was just super great in general and I will now be recommending her to everyone in Pgh looking for a dermatologist. But first I have to look up her name because I forgot it.
You know how when people email on their phones and their signature says “sent from my phone, excuse the typos”? Yeah apply that here because I’m blogging from my phone and forgets what l said up there about eyeball diligence because my eyesight still sucks no matter how many times I answer the “better” “worse” “1” “2” questions at the fucking eye doctor.
Anyway!! Be brave like me and go get a skin screening. That is my new thing to push on people. If there was a Kpop song about skin screens, then my pushy skin propaganda could really be on brand.