Jul 222023

Hello. This is a quick check in for me to, you know, quickly chronicle the haps of last weekend in case I need to look back on certain details at some point in the future. (We’ve been over this before but examples would be: 1. To prove an alibi: 2. To win an argument. 3. The world as we know it has collapsed and Im in need of a random happy memory to remind me that things were once only half-ablaze.)

(Um. Author’s Note but when I wrote “ablaze” my mind flashed back to the year of the double aughts, the first year of our Lord Y2K, when I had met some guy named JOHNNY BLAZE on WebTV – haha – and he became obsessed with me but in a cute way and not in the boiling-bunny sense, and sometimes I would come home and he would have notes taped to my front door like ERIN PLEASE CALL ME I AM BEGGING and I would be like “Aw cute” and then crumble it up and throw it in the trash, and then it happened once after I started dating Henry and he for some reason did NOT think this was cute.)

I actually have no idea what we did last Saturday aside from Chooch having sailing and then we went and got boba at Kung Fu at some point that afternoon. I vaguely recall attempting to drink beer that night and then realizing my newly-developed beer palate was a fluke and I just had a glass of cider instead. We were also researching some of the islands around Helsinki and in one of the videos, these people were walking on a trail and there was A SNAKE which ended up being some harmless BUT!!! I accidentally saw a comment where someone from Finland said that they have VIPERS there and now I am obsessed with this in the worst way possible. So now that is all I’ll be doing while I’m there, trying not to step on vipers. Walking on tiptoes around the vipers. Catch me wearing those plastic Romper Room cups on my feet all over Finland.

But on Sunday! Henry and I went for a walk on a bike trail thing out by…somewhere. Round Hill. Whatever area that is. The trail itself is boring and I had regertz as soon as we started walking because we have been there before but I forgot how dumb it is. And then you have bikers screaming ON YOUR LEFT and jingling their prissy bells. I mean, it was still nice to get out and go for a walk, and we talked about our vacation and what to do about this wedding that we are now expected to have.

Sunday was #NationalIceCreamDay which seems to happen a lot, so of course I wanted to get ice cream after our walk. Henry was like, “Where do you want to get ice cream from?” and right as I gave him my canned response* to everything, I immediately regretted it.

*(“I’m up your butt.”)

Henry groaned.

“OK, no. That doesn’t work this time,” I said, quickly retracting it.

Then we drove around and eventually stopped at COUNTRY CUSTARD COTTAGE & GIFT SHOP. We both got CLUSTERS which I guess is just their version of a Blizzard and they were good (Nutty Buddy and Banana Cream Pie) but just like the walking trail, I had regertz and wish I had just ordered a custard without all the mixins, etc.

Some old man got there right before us and said, “YEAH, I’LL HAVE  MY REGULAR” and the girls behind the counter were like, “Sir, yes, sir.” His “regular” was a sundae of some sort and now I am aiming for the day when I am an elder and have a “regular” order at the local ice cream shop.

On the way home, Henry was like, “LET’S STOP AT ROUND HILL AND LOOK AT THE AMINALS” and yes, that is spelled correctly. I was like, “Oh ho! Henry is actually suggested that we do something of his own accord, can’t wait to write about THIS in the diary” so we did that and it was pretty anti-climactic because bitch, where are all the aminals these days, Round Hill?? I mean, they still have some but I thought there used to be like, rabbits and sheep and cows, but OK.

Apparently, we forgot to give Warden Chooch our full itinerary, because when we got to Round Hill, he began sending disgruntled WHERE ARE YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE 5 HOURS AND SAID YOU WERE JUST GOING FOR A WALK texts.

I’d like to believe that he was just concerned, but I know him and can assure you that he wanted fed or something.

Well, I think that pretty much sums up last weekend. We’ll have to do this again sometime. Bitch.

P.S. Because I was wearing my old Hands Like Houses shirt, we put them on in the car for old times’ sake and wow, I still really like them. Any time they were at Warped Tour, you could catch me front row. (Well, front row, and off to the side. In my safety zone.)

Say it don't spray it.

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