Quick hauntie house interlude! We met my sister Amy and bro-in-law Dick at Hundred Acres Manor last Friday — usually I try to avoid going to this one in general, let alone on a Friday, BUT Cinderlands has a pop-up scream bar there so it was something for me, something for them. Look at me, being all flexible and accomodating!

We did have coupons though – I’m the girl who throws away the circulars without letting Henry see all the supermarket sales, but I will send him far and wide to procure haunted house coupons. I mean, he only had to go to GetGo to get them.

“Diehls had even more of a discount on their coupons but I was NOT going to a car dealership for that!” Henry declared. OK, calm down, nobody asked.

I bought Henry a surprise Greet Death hat and it had just arrived that day so he wore it and I was so happy!

We got there when it opened and still stood in line for over 2 hours. I am just stunned that this place is like, Pittsburgh’s “premiere” haunted attraction and has yet to get on board with virtual queues or assigning group numbers. They have all this space, an entire “midway” with games, etc. where people could be chilling AND SPENDING MORE MONEY but instead they’re imprisoned within a slow-moving cluster fuck of a line.

I will say, at least on the night we were there, they were cracking DOWN on line jumping. It even made Amy cheer and thank the security guy at one point.

I look like one of the ghouls working there, honestly. It was raining off and on – leave my frizz alone! (OK, no excuse for my cooked face though.)

They don’t give out real tickets anymore, just a receipt with a QR code – lame. Of course, I still wanted it for my haunted house journal so I had to ask the ticket lady after it looked like she wasn’t going to give it back.

She nodded and then scanned it, I guess so it couldn’t be used again, and said, “I love a scrapbooker,” as handed it back to me. Oh, the smugness I felt! Henry muttered, “Happy now?” Yes, actually. I would have been even happier had Chooch been there to witness my glory.

As usual, the meat of the haunted house review is in my journal but it was actually really good this year and I was cheesin’ the whole way through—it was so funny and entertaining, and even though we got pushed through a bunch of other groups, I still got jump-scared.

THEY NEED TO WORK ON THEIR LINE SITCH THOUGH!!! And also the VIP upgrades need to go. I’m so sick of VIP upgrades everywhere. Did you know even at some concerts, you can buy a “fast pass” to get inside the venue faster?? I legitimately am so exhausted of this grotesque cash-grabbing from every facet of the entertainment industry. It’s bad enough at amusement parks. But now it feels like it’s EVERYWHERE.

My other complaint about Hundred Acres Manor, and I want to believe there is a legit safety/legal/security reason for this, but they used to have a maze at the end that was the best part. It’s where the chainsaw guys skulked about and it would sincerely make me nearly pee my pants. Years ago, they removed it. Then they brought it back AS AN UPCHARGE.

No, I refuse to pay extra. Haunted houses should be ONE GODDAMN PRICE. I’m sure some Karen complained about it being too scary (hopefully it was something lame like that and not because of an actual injury) so it got ruined for everyone.

It just makes me crave the haunted houses from the 90s — the haunted schools, the YMCAs, the Tri-City Jaycees (whatever the hell they are, I never did know but their haunt in Arnold was so fun). I like the small haunted houses with HEART.

Anyway! Enough of my annoying haunted house rants. I’m a broken (Spooky Halloween Sounds) record. We all agreed that it was genuinely well-done aside from the annoying standing-in-line part. It was Amy and Dick’s first time there and Amy was super impressed so I was relieved. I will say—it’s a pretty long walk-through. They say it’s about a mile long. So at least you’re in there for a while!

EW lol.

The post-haunt Scream Bar portion of the night was really fun too! I hated my beer though (it was a pumpkin sour) but luckily Henry ordered my back-up choice (just some German thing) so I made him swap with me.

I don’t know what/who I am looking at. Also I just realized how tan my sister is!!

 

Yeah boi, that was a really fun night. We were there until closing too, which I don’t think I have ever done at a haunted house (getting there when it opens and staying until it closes, god do I have to spell everything out for you!?).

Also!! This was the first entry in my new haunted house journal, yay!

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