OK I have to tell you something that has been bugging me for the past year or so, and you know it’s going to be a MAJOR THING (and not something that is just over-exaggerated inside my own head – why, I’d never!) since that’s all I do on here is drop heavy truths from the Honestly Heavens, so brace yourself.

The local theater down the street from us was SOLD TO SOMEONE WHO OWNS ANOTHER LOCAL THEATER and you would think, “But that’s great though, right?” and literally everyone else around here was like “Fuck yeah, let’s gooo” but I am internally a 95-year-old bitty fighting against gentrification even though I only half-understand what that means and in my desiccated apple core of a brain, all I could think about was how the OTHER THEATER is in a super trendy area of Pittsburgh and attracts CLIENTELE OF A CERTAIN SOCIAL ESCHELON that I don’t want carousing around my area.

OK really, I have no idea the types of people that go to this other theater and they do play some awesome indie and foreign horror there which is obviously all I care about and my old theater did the same and I loved it because I could go there and watch a movie and be one of like maybe 10 other patrons. Which, you know, is great for me but not so great for the theater, LOL. (Can you tell I’m purposely not using actual theater names because I am so tired of my blog turning up in Google searches and then actual business owners being like WTF MORE LIKE OH HONESTLY, KAREN.)

Every time I would get an update on Instagram, I’d scoff, “Maybe they put in a moustache waxing station or a cooler for HOP SELTZER.” Am I old enough to be this curmudgeonly?? GO FETCH MY SHAWL!

THEN THEY PAINTED THE OUTSIDE A REALLY HORRID COLOR, THE SHADE OF GREEN TYPICALLY RESERVED FOR THE CONTENTS OF A BABY’S DIAPER. I texted a picture to Chooch and he was like, “You are overreacting, it’s not even that bad.” UGH that’s because he’s under the age of LOOKING FOR A BONE TO PICK.

Then the new Cure concert film was announced and it’s one of the locations showing it, during their soft-opening, and I might have principles (far-reaching though they may be) but I am also lazy and enjoy the convenience of having a local theater within walking distance so I bit the bullet and bought tickets. I just REALLY didn’t feel like driving to other parts of the city to see this on a SCHOOL NIGHT.

You guys, it was fine. My sacred balcony seats are still intact and the new owner gave a little speech prior to the show and I AM A BIG ENOUGH PERSON to admit that I was being ridiculous. I am fully in support of this new era of a beloved local institution and already plan on going back while Chooch is in town for Christmas (unbeknownst to him at the time of this writing).

And yo, The Cure. Goddamn. This was a recording of a special concert they did last year in a small theater in London. I was about to say I’d love to see them in a venue that small and intimate and then realized that is exactly how it was the first time I saw them in 2000 at the Royal Theatre in Canberra!

It was a much better experience than when we saw them in 2023 in Cleveland, surrounded by a bunch of loud and drunk middle-aged losers who were only there to hear the handful of songs that brought them back to their alleged glory days of frat life. Honestly, you would think that going to concerts attended by old people would be a good experience but you would be WRONG. One of the worst crowds I have ever had to endure.

And I even had a beer that I GENUINELY ENJOYED! (Breckenridge Winter Warmer, in case you care!) I drink slow so it lasted me almost the entire show (3+ hours! Henry stayed awake for all of it and even did some weird hand movements during some of the songs! His favorite Cure song is The Forest, in case you care part 2.)

Afterward, some lady stopped me and asked if I was PAM and I said NO and she said OH YOU LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE I MET AT THE CONCERT. And then as she mumbled, “Good movie though,” as she turned a corner, never to be seen again.

(At least by us. Hopefully someone has seen her since then. UNLESS SHE’S A GHOST.)

In other LOCAL CHANGES, this is one that I have been stoked about since it went into motion:

THAT FUCKING UPPITY RESTAURANT CLOGGING BROOKLINE’S ARTERIES WITH PRETENTIOUS SMASH BURGERS AND “SANDOS” IS DONEZO!!! They did a dramatic “slow-closing” earlier this year, where they were “giving their loyal fans” an extended amount of “LAST CHANCE” opportunities to stop by and slop up their hoity-toity food. Apparently, the owner decided he wants to “focus on his music career” or something and I’m sure that will be music I will not ever check out. I just thought he was such an ass. His IG posts were so obnoxious, all in caps.

I swear I’m not even being a brat because they got rid of the BEST VEGGIE BURGER I EVER HAD IN THIS STUPID CITY and opted to fill their menu with all of the super hipster foodie meats. Oh, and they had REALLY GOOD BISCUITS but then they decided to rebrand as a “supper club” (get the fuck out of Brookline, honestly) and when their adoring fans asked, “but the biscuits!!” they snidely said, “We already mastered those and won’t be revisiting.” What a bunch of actual kitchen pricks.

ANYWAY!!! For a while, Hipster Supreme was using the empty restaurant as his BAND PRACTICE SPACE (OK, Drive By Fuckers) but then recently I noticed legit activity by way of DINING ROOM FURNITURE BEING REMOVED! And then I walked by another time and saw several Asian people inside behind the counter – BROOKINE, ARE WE GETTING ANOTHER ASIAN RESTAURANT??? PLEASE? I did hear bits of talking one time when I strolled by and think maybe Chinese? The windows have been taped up while renovations are underway, but they recently painted the facade red!

This is a change I’m here for. I hated hated hated that other place so much. Just shitty vibes all around. Stay-tuned I guess!!

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