Where Tweets: Get Sick, Hate Football, Hate Home Depot, Hate Life

tweets

Feb 032009

Urgent. Will die without reading.

10:05 Just read this facebook status update: “our new president is cheering on the Steelere. Yikes not a good sign”. Get a life. #
10:06 I don’t even like football but if they win I’m changing my status to “and Obama made it so.” #
10:34 Chooch has congealed blood on his toe from a small cut I almost lost my breakfast. It makes my veins tickle. #
10:35 He keeps saying LOOK MOMMY LOOK! HAHA!!! And I’m cowering, fucking wilting over here. #
12:38 Chooch is having me play him various versions of “in the air tonight” on YouTube. He dreamily sighs, “oh, phil collins. Phil Collins!” #
14:42 I just had a fleeting memory of springtime, looked out the window and promptly cried. #
17:40 I’m a professional Biter Off of More Than Can Be Chewed #
18:42 Nothing I type makes sense anymore. You’d almost expect me to speak backward in real life. #
22:37 Sickness has struck. #

00:28 I picked the BEST things to eat on the day I was due to get sick. #
07:38 I have not gone to sleep yet on account of all the puking I’ve been doing since 9pm. Waiting for the angel of death. Any minute now. #
14:25 A shotgun, please. #

11:53 After spending the past 36 supine in bed/on the couch, I’m rearin’ for activity. Hiking, kayaking, spelunking – bring it. #
13:52 Henry dreamt of my funeral & in it, he was trying to find a Cure t-shirt to wear. Surprisingly, he said people actually turned up for it. #
13:52 Just no one he recognized, which would be about right. #
14:14 Now I know what a jew feels like on xmas. Shit. #
16:26 I wanted to put a sign on our house for the SUPERBOWL but henry quickly saw where that was going and diffused the situation. #
18:05 I feel a strong solidarity with the underdog. #
22:16 Et tu, QVC? #
22:21 Ben Fatassburger looks like a gigantic piece of shit sausaged into spandex. #

14:52 Chooch: “I want pancakes” Me: “I dunno how to make that.” Chooch: “WHY!?” Me: “cuz I suck.” Chooch: “Oh. Yeah, u do. DADDY will make it” #
18:10 Happy to announce that Chooch turned one living room wall into a scat exhibit. #
18:13 Me, about Chooch’s clutter: “if anyone came in the house right now I’d be humiliated” Henry: “me too, cuz I don’t have any pants on.” #
18:46 @lilweirdo the way he’s acting right now, I’d be willing to send him up for the weekend! #
19:30 Oh boy Home Depot! My day is fulfilled. #
19:36 Elton John playing over the Home Depot soundsystem does not seem like it would inspire men to purchase table saws. #
19:40 I was gagging on home improvement fumes. But thankfully Debbie Gibson’s melodious voice floated from the ceiling & helped revive me. #
20:00 twitpic.com/1b1ve – CRABASS AT THE HOME DEPOT #
20:09 Everywhere I turn I see a poorly disguised sex toy. #
00:45 Henry QOTD: “I love how you enjoy yourself more than anybody else” after I lost my shit upon reading him something I wrote. #
00:57 Jumproping is typically best done without a broken toe. #
01:11 John Tesh freaks my shit out with his germ PSAs. He’s convinced me that I’m going to get mersa one way or another. #

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