Feb 032009
 

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 10:05 Just read this facebook status update: “our new president is cheering on the Steelere. Yikes not a good sign”. Get a life. #
  • 10:06 I don’t even like football but if they win I’m changing my status to “and Obama made it so.” #
  • 10:34 Chooch has congealed blood on his toe from a small cut I almost lost my breakfast. It makes my veins tickle. #
  • 10:35 He keeps saying LOOK MOMMY LOOK! HAHA!!! And I’m cowering, fucking wilting over here. #
  • 12:38 Chooch is having me play him various versions of “in the air tonight” on YouTube. He dreamily sighs, “oh, phil collins. Phil Collins!” #
  • 14:42 I just had a fleeting memory of springtime, looked out the window and promptly cried. #
  • 17:40 I’m a professional Biter Off of More Than Can Be Chewed #
  • 18:42 Nothing I type makes sense anymore. You’d almost expect me to speak backward in real life. #
  • 22:37 Sickness has struck. #

  • 00:28 I picked the BEST things to eat on the day I was due to get sick. #
  • 07:38 I have not gone to sleep yet on account of all the puking I’ve been doing since 9pm. Waiting for the angel of death. Any minute now. #
  • 14:25 A shotgun, please. #


  • 11:53 After spending the past 36 supine in bed/on the couch, I’m rearin’ for activity. Hiking, kayaking, spelunking – bring it. #
  • 13:52 Henry dreamt of my funeral & in it, he was trying to find a Cure t-shirt to wear. Surprisingly, he said people actually turned up for it. #
  • 13:52 Just no one he recognized, which would be about right. #
  • 14:14 Now I know what a jew feels like on xmas. Shit. #
  • 16:26 I wanted to put a sign on our house for the SUPERBOWL but henry quickly saw where that was going and diffused the situation. #
  • 18:05 I feel a strong solidarity with the underdog. #
  • 22:16 Et tu, QVC? #
  • 22:21 Ben Fatassburger looks like a gigantic piece of shit sausaged into spandex. #

  • 14:52 Chooch: “I want pancakes” Me: “I dunno how to make that.” Chooch: “WHY!?” Me: “cuz I suck.” Chooch: “Oh. Yeah, u do. DADDY will make it” #
  • 18:10 Happy to announce that Chooch turned one living room wall into a scat exhibit. #
  • 18:13 Me, about Chooch’s clutter: “if anyone came in the house right now I’d be humiliated” Henry: “me too, cuz I don’t have any pants on.” #
  • 18:46 @lilweirdo the way he’s acting right now, I’d be willing to send him up for the weekend! #
  • 19:30 Oh boy Home Depot! My day is fulfilled. #
  • 19:36 Elton John playing over the Home Depot soundsystem does not seem like it would inspire men to purchase table saws. #
  • 19:40 I was gagging on home improvement fumes. But thankfully Debbie Gibson’s melodious voice floated from the ceiling & helped revive me. #
  • 20:00 twitpic.com/1b1ve – CRABASS AT THE HOME DEPOT #
  • 20:09 Everywhere I turn I see a poorly disguised sex toy. #
  • 00:45 Henry QOTD: “I love how you enjoy yourself more than anybody else” after I lost my shit upon reading him something I wrote. #
  • 00:57 Jumproping is typically best done without a broken toe. #
  • 01:11 John Tesh freaks my shit out with his germ PSAs. He’s convinced me that I’m going to get mersa one way or another. #

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  5 Responses to “Where Tweets: Get Sick, Hate Football, Hate Home Depot, Hate Life”

  1. when I was chooch’s age I had to go slaughter my own pan if I wanted any pancakes. Of course, that was the only way to get pancakes in those days.

    Often they would end up with fresh blood and dirt and the protective pan mothers would stalk you and often attack you but I WAS STILL GRATEFUL TO EVEN HAVE THAT

    hows my elderly ranting? call:
    1-800-GRIATRX

  2. “19:36 Elton John playing over the Home Depot soundsystem does not seem like it would inspire men to purchase table saws. # ”

    Well, actually…now that I think about it.

  3. harping on football again??? you’re killin me smalls, you’re killin me!

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