Last fall, I bought this charming circus-core shirt from Unlogical Poem, thinking that I could wear it on my first day back to the office if that happened over the cooler months. Um, obviously that did not occur. So, aside from one work video call during which absolutely no one commented upon the adorableness of said WHIMSICAL BLOUSE, I have never had a chance to wear it. And this bitch cost some coinage! So since my hair looked halfway ok today and the temps were unusually chilly for May, I used the upcoming FORGOTTEN HOLIDAY in this house, otherwise known as MOTHERS DAY, to coerce my LOVING son to be my photographer. It took a whopping 60 minutes out of his day and he was such a bitch about it.
I grabbed some “props” on the way out of the house because yes these things are always in reach. Chooch was excited because the elastic of the party broke as soon as I put it on so he thought this meant we could leave but I was I WILL FIX THIS and as I struggled to tie knots in the elastic, I sang my dad’s favorite tune, “They Don’t Make Things Like They Used To,” accidentally leveling up in the BECOMING AN ELDER game of life.
I told Chooch to “try and get some interesting angles” because he was so busy texting that every time I was like HELLO I AM READY, he would barely even look at what he was doing when he lifted up my phone in his other hand to snap the picture. It was pretty annoying and I think 15 year old Chooch is my least favorite edition so far.
Fun fact: these pictures were taken in the Union Dale Cemetery, which is where we used to have all of our traditional Xmas Day picnics before relocating to the Homewood Cemetery which is closer to Pink Box, where we like to snatch up from DELECTABLE ASIAN BUNS.
Another fun fact: Shortly after this picture was taken (another of Chooch’s super flattering “interesting angles,” Chooch pointed out that I had a huge dandelion stain on my chin, like A BIG PEE STREAK that would not come off no matter how hard I rubbed it with my sleeve so of course he was like OH WELL LET’S GO SO SAD. To be fair though at least he pointed it out because Henry would have just let me continue standing there having my picture taken. I mean, he’s taken pictures of me before where I had food in my teeth or my mascara is smeared and he has said literally nothing do you know why it’s because he barely looks at me long enough to notice.
SAY I’M WRONG, HENRY.
I took this one myself because Chooch was making me nervous. Also, I bought that ring a long time ago, like over 10 years ago, at the Mattress Factory and then lost it for many years and recently found it in the bathroom closet and I was so happy but I still don’t wear it very often because the ring part is wood and it looks like it could break at any moment.
Those fucking dandelions. My nose was burning and running all afternoon because of them!!
Wow, more jumping.
Me: What should I do? This?
Chooch, not even looking: Yeah. Sure.
SO FORLORN. I probably thinking about all the roller coasters I didn’t get to ride in 2020.
My friends Kevin and Lizzy sent me this old ass book several years ago!
This is my favorite one because I look content and I wonder if that’s what I really look like when I’m reading a book but Henry and Chooch will probably tell you that no, Book Erin is angry and scowling because she hates being interrupted.
I just really love this shirt so much!!!
I think this one is also a very accurate REAL LIFE depiction of me because I am in a constant state of UGH WHY ME I’M SO BORED UGH and can often be found half-collapsed in ennui, like I just fainted onto a couch.
I don’t know why I kept trying to make this hand-monocle pose a thing but it really wasn’t working and Chooch kept glaring at me.
Jillian Michaels trained me to jump so now I try to jump whenever possible to make her proud. For you, J-Girl.
Some car was slowly cruising by at this moment and I felt like a real dumb stoop.
Another selfie was Chooch was too busy texting his friends that he gets to see in person now at school yet doesn’t talk to apparently.
Oh, these tree pictures were real fun and Chooch and I didn’t fight at all.
I took this of him so he could see what I wanted and do you think he got the idea? NOPE. He just started screaming about how this was all a ruse for me to take his picture after he EXPLICITLY stated that he didn’t want his picture taken. BOO HOO.
Literally was in the middle of talking here but I liked how the rest of the picture looked so oh well, when does my face NOT fuck up a picture. Keeping it.
Oh well. As Phil Collins would say: THAT’S ALL.