Apr 062024

Chooch keeps arguing that no one in his class has gotten proper senior portraits taken and even if that’s true (doubtful), I was not letting him get out of this. It’s MOMMY’S LAST CHANCE to photograph her surly son, you know? Let me have this.

Anyway, I wanted to get some nice pictures of him while we were in Korea because of the aesthetics of course, but also because it’s meaningful. I haven’t decided which ones to get printed for friends and family yet, but here are the contenders!

We took these at one of the smaller palaces, RIGHT when it opened to avoid the surge of tourists. However, we had to contend with a throng of older Asian gentlemen who were lining up at the gates with their big-ass paparazzi camera equipment. Was there going to be a celebrity appearance at the Changgyeonggung Palace? NOPE, just spring blossoms. You guys, the older population go NUTS over cherry blossoms, magnolia blossoms, any type of colorful blossom in March is subject to exploitation. And when I say they are packing $$$$$ lenses, I mean it. It’s like TMZ-levels of photography.

These first three photos were taken on the walk to the palace:

I had to take this one extremely fast because the pap were gaining on us.

If we’re Instagram friends, you might have seen that Chooch actually let us buy him a jacket while we were there! NOT because he was cold, don’t even think that. But we wandered into a vintage shop in Insadong and the sweetest halmeoni helped Chooch decided on a jacket. She even gave my arm a loving squeeze at one point and said we were a pretty family and gave us candy and called me umma – this was the best trip to Korea yet. I felt like I belonged there this time more than ever, like what even was my past life because I am sure it involved Korea somehow.

It’s the only explanation.

This palace was just as beautiful as the other more “popular” ones. My tip to you if you ever go to Korea, if you want great pictures without a million tourists in hanbok milling about in the background, come to this one when it opens at 9 and enjoy the serenity and peacefulness. (We were there in March so this might be just as nuts in the summer as the other main palaces, so don’t come for me!)


Obviously this isn’t a contender for senior portrait prints, but I liked the composition of this one!

Celebrity blossoms.

I like this one because you can see the city and a glimpse of Namsan Tower behind his head. It’s nuts how much ancient history is interspersed with the modern city. Seoul is amazing.

Also! We finally saw our first  (AND ONLY) squirrel in Korea here in this palace! Chooch took this photo for me and when one of the old guy photogs saw Chooch pointing the SLR at a tree, he came scurrying over not wanting to miss a bloom I guess. But then when he saw the subject matter was a squirrel, he still seemed into it so he joined Chooch and started snapping away, as well. It was kind of adorable.

I posted a picture of the squirrel on Instagram using what I thought was the Korean word for squirrel, but Jiyong saw it and corrected me via Kakao Talk because the word I used was actually for chipmunk! Fuck you, Google Translate! Jiyong said that actually, most Koreans don’t even know the word for squirrel and just default to chipmunk and that there are more squirrels in the US than in Korea, apparently! What a great morning and learning experience.

I have more non-Chooch pictures from that day so we will revisit with more words (yay for you) at some point. Wow, look forward to that!

Feb 132024

Saturday afternoon was pretty mild for February so Henry and I went to Highwood Cemetery in Northside after my Zenith lunch with Kara. I really liked the sweater I was wearing (it’s from Lala!) so I was like, “Take pictures of me doing stuff and don’t fuck it up.” Henry said, “OH BOY, MAY I??” because nothing makes us fight with more fiery fervor than photo assignments.

This day wasn’t TOO bad, though.

I usually just direct myself.

“What should I do? This?” I ask, noodling my limbs.

“Sure, Erin,” Henry mumbles with a Science teacher sigh.

“Let’s take a picture of our mustaches,” I cried, grabbing my phone from him.

“Wha–” Henry never has any idea what is going on.

Guys, in case you were ever curious where Henry’s infamous TED TALK about MOSS took place, it was at this cemetery, so long ago that Chooch didn’t even exist yet.

Moss is bad, just leave it at that!

The filter I used on this makes it look like I have on some sick lipstick. Also: “What should I do with my hands? This?”

“Sure, Erin.”

Literally SO SCARED the moment I jumped from the third step. THE THIRD STEP. Loves roller coasters, yet constantly being afraid of the most non-heights imaginable. I know this stems from being abandoned in a treehouse as a child!!!!

Anyway, I over-compensated in anticipation of a hard landing and somehow hurt my shoulder?!

I feel like my hair was v. similar to this when I was a high school year, too. Well, minus the grays lol.

“I can only hope you fall,” Henry said, forever jealous of my SICK balancing tricks.

“Do I look precious??” I asked through my fake smile.

“Mmm,” Henry grunted, managing to pack in a family-sized carton of disgust into that half syllable. Then he lost his balance and almost face-planted from a squat position. I WISH HE WOULD HAVE.

(I may have played a part in him losing balance.)


Anyway, here’s a 20 second collection of some of these live pictures, where you can see me, in real time, realizing the moment I jumped off the steps that it could have been the fast track to a broken ankle, tweaked back, etc.

We had a really nice weekend together so when absolutely nothing happens on Valentine’s Day, I’ll try to let this be a consolation. (LOL you already know that’s untrue – THIS BITCH IS GONNA THROW A FIT.)

Aug 262023

Actually whipped out the ‘good’ camera in Tallinn, Estonia and forced Chooch to have his picture taken a bunch of times. These are those pictures. (That’s his “get this over with” forced smile :))

One of my co-workers kind of made me feel like a basic bitch for taking a day trip to Tallinn, but I swear it was such a highlight for all of us, really. The Old Town was so enchanting, the people were wonderful, the vibes were right. I will definitely say  more about that in future posts, but I’m just really glad that I was able to get some decent shots of Chooch in this great town of marzipan & amber.

Nov 032022

Today is my Pappap’s birthday. He passed away in 1996 and while I miss the HELL out of him every single day, I did eventually reach a point where I was able to stop crying about it at a pin drop and actually enjoy the memories I have.

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I acquired a shit ton of photos from whenever we were cleaning out my grandparents house in 2016. I still haven’t hone through everything but I like to rummage through the boxes every now and then. I decided to do that tonight to get some photos of him to post on here and I ended up pulling out a stack from one of our vacations in 1990. I was so wrecked-looking for a long time as a kid and these pictures of me are awfully cringey but it’s time for me to stop caring about that because – well, who cares!

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I’m glad this is the stack I drew because I have been thinking a lot lately as we plan our family trip for next summer about how my Pappap (and Aunt Sharon, also featured prominently in the upcoming photos) instilled a strong love of travel into my life. I think he would be happy to know that Chooch is here now and is exactly the same way. I think my Pappap would have been wild about Chooch, honestly.

Anyway, please enjoy this random collection of my brace-faced, knotty-maned, chubby-cheeked adolescent self; my Pappap and Sharon’s disdain for posing for the camera; and a lot of European locations, some that I can’t exactly pinpoint all these years later – sorry!

Get ready for some signature Sharon scowls…

On this trip, we did London, parts of France, Italy, Switzerland, and Germany, I believe. Maybe Amsterdam, too. I would have to consult my old vacation journals and they are in a large trunk which is a pain to open. So we’ll just have to pretend that my memory is tight.

To this day, when I think of the Spanish Steps, I think of the fanciest McD’s I’ve ever visited. I wonder if it’s still there/as nice?

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I look like I’m crying but this was one of my favorite places when I was a kid, except that there were GIANT spiderwebs inside that bridge and that always scared me. I hope that I can go to Switzerland with Chooch (and Henry, I guess, lol) one day!

I guess Sharon must have taken this picture; I love it a lot.

That green was a choice.

I mean, I hate that I’m about to say this, but Shron really should have smiled more. She was so pretty. Also, seeing those coach buses in the background have me stoked for our summer 2023 trip that better fucking happen because we’ve already paid for some of it and I fucking swear to god there better not be another lockdown. It will be our first time as a family traveling with a group and I’m so excited because I love group tours!!

My pappap was probably ranting about how we had to pay for each pat of butter.

My grandma was a difficult person to travel with.

We’re probably walking off yet another ear-beating from my grandma here in Venice.

I wonder what he was talking about! That one lady is like, “NO FUCKING WAY, YA GOTTA BE SHITTIN’ ME!” in response to whatever tale had him gesticulating like so. You know how kids are always like SO BORED to be sitting with a bunch of adults at a dinner table? I was the opposite – I fucking loved sitting with my pappap because he always had interesting things to say, he always ended up being one of the most popular people on all of our trips, and I felt like A FUCKING GROWN-UP sitting there drinking my hot chocolate (which was usually disgusting Ovaltine in these hotel restaurants) with my plump pinky finger extended.


Anyway, I’m glad I never burned these pictures in a hobo fire of shame and I think it’s time that some more of these old shots see the light of day. I was lucky to have had the opportunity to make these memories, even though they weren’t always as idyllic as you’d think. At the end of the day, it was time spent with my pappap and I will always treasure, today especially. Happy birthday, Pappap!!

If you’re reading this, would you like to see more vintage photo dumps like this? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS. Lol.

Oct 122022

I can’t function right now. It’s like I’m 10 years old again and this is the night before the school picnic at Kennywood. This time tomorrow night (GOD WILLING??

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) I’ll be waist deep in tears and screams at the NCT127 concert in Newark.

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Heaven help me. You know I’m in an emotional pickle when I turn into a religioso.

So I spent some time editing several photos I took of Drew last month when I was blowing off the dust on my camera. I don’t have nearly enough nice portraits of Drew and Penelope and I need to change that.

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(Penelope, you’re up!)

OK, I’m going to watch roller coaster videos or something but in the meantime, please enjoy this recent NCT performance on the J-Hud show! LOL to the people who wanna say that Kpop groups all lip sync, lol, hater hater talk talk.

You guys. Tomorrow. Hold me.

Oct 112022

Chooch wanted to go out for a practice drive over the weekend but we were too busy. Then I remembered that I’m off this week so I told him I would take him after school on Monday BUT we would be driving to a photoshoot location. At first, he tried to resist. The older he gets, the more anti-photo he is, even when offered money! This especially backfired last year when he had a job and didn’t need MOMMY’S MONEY anymore, so I don’t have any “nice” portraits from sophomore year (don’t even get me started on his school pictures – THEY DO NOT COUNT, especially last year’s).

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Turns out using my car as leverage actually does work, though!

We drove to my mom’s street (aka my old street too), parked at her house and walked around the lane. I was overcome with nostalgia and heartache and blurted out, “I REALLY MISS LIVING HERE” and Chooch was all, “OK but did I ask.”

Also, it sucks to see my Pappap’s house being ruined by whatever rich asshole bought it. Fuck that rich asshole.

What these pictures don’t tell you is that he is constantly groaning and saying, “Can we be done now? OMG you want me to walk ALL THE WAY TO THAT FENCE, IT’S SO FAR*! I’m hungry. This is boring. I hate this. I hate you.”

*(The fence was like two houses away from where we were standing when I said, “Go stand by that fence.”)

Then he made me ask my mom for snacks so little bitch baby got to go home with a box of Zebra Cakes.

“Stand here and squint into the sun.”

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I miss Gillcrest Drive so much!

Also, Chooch better get a new job sooner rather than later because if he wants to get his license, he’s gonna have to fork over some money for INSURANCE WITH IS GOING TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF ONCE WE ADD HIM, WHAT A RACKET.

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That’s all. I just missed using the “good” camera.

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Mar 082022

When I saw an NCT U “7th Sense” shirt on Etsy several weeks ago, I bought it with no hesitation – buyer’s remorse weighs heavily on me so I usually end up abandoning my shopping cart more often than going through with the transaction – manic shopping is actually one of the few characteristics of bi-polar disorder that doesn’t apply to me. As soon as it arrived, I tried it on and was all Heart Eyed Noona over here. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to wear it out! Because my life is so boring that I literally do not leave the house until Saturday AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN.

I wanted Henry to help me get a good picture of it so that I can get a discount from the Etsy seller (he promised!) because he other amazing Kpop designs that I need.  But then Henry was quick to remind me with no words needed that he sucks at taking pictures but excels at capturing my worst sides/angles/scowls/jowls.

We went to the Round Hill Cemetery on our way home from our dumb SaturDate and luckily there were witnesses there so we both stopped JUST SHORT of actual murder when bitching at each other over these dumb pictures.

We could have stopped with this one, only a few minutes into the “shoot,” if Henry had done a better job making sure my jacket wasn’t covering part of the shirt, Ihatehimsomuch.

Getting angry.

  1. I like this Hipstamatic filter and rarely get to use it but apparently it comes in handy when you need to block out your miserable mug.
  2. My purse is actually an NCT Cherry Bomb purse! The other side has a clear vinyl window so you can display your NCT enamel pin collection. I love that I’m like, “I RARELY BUY THINGS” but then I’m also like, “WILL PAY A LOT TO PREORDER A PURSE DESIGNED BY A PIN MAKER IN SINGAPORE THAT I MAY OR NOT EVER RECEIVE.” Spoiler alert: I obviously did receive it but it took like half a year. I paid for it in the fall of 2019 and then covid happened which delayed an already drawn out process.  #WorthIt

I was so over it.

All of this was going on while Henry’s phone was in the car so when we finally went to leave after nearly killing each other, Henry had like 87 missed calls from Chooch who “assumed” that we were picking him up from work and you know what they say about people who ASSUME.

(LOL, when I was a kid and heard that saying for the first time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever and was so excited to use it all the time, not knowing that the person I heard it from – probably a teacher – didn’t invent it.)

Oh well, that’s all for now. It’s only Tuesday and my brain is the perfect consistency for oyster crackers. I don’t know why I said that. What does that mean? My brain is chowder? OMG THAT MADE SENSE AFTER ALL.

OK. Bye. Stan NCT.

P.S.!! I forgot that Chooch and I saw this when we were at SM Town in Seoul!!

Feb 132022

*I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. 

Hello from a Sunday in Brookline! I have prepared for you a photo dump of pictures that I commanded Henry to take of me yesterday as I am going through a pre-mid-life crisis, as mentioned in my last post. I think mostly it is because not getting to work in an office has made me sad for the closetful of clothes that I barely have an opportunity to wear anymore. But then I figured – whoever said these are work clothes only, right? So even though we were only going to some casual family restaurant for lunch yesterday, I wore one of my favorite blouses and fun fur cropped coat that I actually forgot I had which is a good indication that I possibly might have too many coats? Lol, never!

After lunch, we went to “downtown” Brownsville which is really just a super tiny town by the river, and collected some LOOKS from the locals who apparently did not appreciate my flamboyant coat. Oh wellz0rz, make way for the real city folk, I guess. (Lol, says the bitch from PITTSBURGH.)

First, I made Henry take a picture of looking like I was ready for PARTY TIME.

Then we walked onto A BRIDGE and it was really cold but I was a true professional as always and told Henry to quit his bitching and take my fucking picture.

He was always standing so far away from me and not even trying to do cool angles – I miss Chooch! Granted, he bitched a ton too but at least he has an artistic eyeball. Henry does not have an artistic eyeball although he claims he used to enjoy taking pictures when he was younger but now I have made it hate it.

“DID YOU USE A BROWNIE CAMERA?” I screamed, laughing to the point of tears as usual. He just mumbled something about dumping me into the river and stalked away, lol.

“Thanks for cutting off half of my foot!” I berated Henry.

“Take a picture of me adorably looking out across the river,” I instructed, because Henry does not take any initiative. (He did take a GREAT shot of his palm right around this point though.)


“Really, we walked uphill over ice because this is the red door you saw from the car?” Henry grumbled. I liked how it looked, OK???

I’m actually cracking up here because there was a steady stream of traffic passing us by but Henry was the one who was acting embarrassed, lol.

Just when Henry thought he was off the hook, I made him go to a second location near our house after this and he was like OH BOY THE FUN NEVER FUCKING ENDS I JUST WANT TO TAKE A GODDAMN NAP.

I pulled out all of my REAL PROFESH POSES for this round. (Also this is the same place I took these photos of Chooch several years back!)

I really gave it my all, you guys. I was like WHAT WOULD TWIGGY DO. (LOL, the fact that that was the first model name I thought of, OK Erin.)

I mean, you’ve seen poses like this in Vogue, right?? Or maybe it was Yoga for Dummies.

In between poses.

I had to crop a ton of these because Henry stood 2374982374 yards away from me like he was afraid of getting kicked or punched or something. Like I’d ever….lol.

This is my new arm thing I guess.

LOL something scared me as Henry was taking this and I kept it because it is SO EMOTIVE.

More arm stuff.

This was me walk-lurching toward Henry afterward and I feel like this is a very accurate depiction of me IN MOTION.

New leg pose.

Oh this was fun, because as I was hanging onto the fence, I was pulling it slowly toward me without realizing and then I screamed because I thought it was opening and Henry was like “GOOD JOB, IDIOT.”

Well, that’s all for now. I finished watching All Of Us Are Dead today but Henry just started it so I guess I’m watching it again – maybe this time I’ll count how many times they say 씨발.

Jan 222022

Reporting live from a boring Saturday in Pittsburgh. Henry left a million hours ago to take Chooch to work and get more fluff for the ceiling project and has not yet returned so I’ve just been sitting here reading (just started “New People” – Danzy Senna) with boy Kpop videos on in the background.

And my cat Penelope is sprawled across me quite uncomfortably.

Anyway, I got some new Hipstamatic sets that I wanted to try out so I took some selfies because that’s just what people do, ok.

I really like this one because I went through a heavy phase in like, 2007 where I was very into this editing effect on my “real” photos. (Real as in, back when I actually used by DSLR on the regular and gave a shit about photography.)

This new film/lens set makes my skin look rough AF but I still like the moodiness of it.

Signature pose. What you can’t see in the background is how absolutely trashed the dining room is since it’s being used 24:7 as our Valentine card studio. I love our busy season but the mess that comes with it really makes me anxious. If we ever buy a house (Henry was just suggesting it again today but I panicked and said NO NOT YET lol), we need an extra room to make cards in, for real.


I can’t remember where these sunglasses turned up (I think Chooch found them?) but I’m so glad that I still have these Versace sunglasses. My aunt Sharon bought them for me when we were in Italy in 1996 because I was O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D with Versace. If I’m remembering correctly, it likely had something to do with Foxy Brown, who was my fucking idol back then. So because Foxy Brown liked Versace, I did too. I can still vividly remember my BFF Lisa calling me in July of 1997 to tell me that Gianni Versace had been murdered, and I slid down the wall of my parent’s laundry room, phone cord wrapped around me, wailing NOOOOOOOO. I was wrecked.

In a recent meeting at work, Betty White’s death was brought up, and some people were sharing celebrity deaths that really affected them, and I was going to mention this but honestly I just have don’t the energy to talk in the damn video calls anymore.

It was bad enough that I had to do a MEET & GREET on Thursday with a new person that just started in my old group, but my former manager Amber did a really good job teeing me up so I actually said facts about myself without sounding winded and hyper, like I was being chased by Leatherface. I’m trying really hard to avoid medication but I’m starting to think that I might have to succumb to some kind of anti-anxiety drug here at some point because I shouldn’t be downing a shot of soju before a meeting to calm my nerves??? That’s not normal, I don’t think. (LOL JK I WOULD NEVER HA HA HA.)

Anyway, I’m glad these glasses made it through three moves since 1996 because I appreciate them more now that I’m a grown-up and it’s funny to me that 90s fashion is now trendy again so I won’t get to rock these ironically since it will just look like they’re new. I wish I still had all of my old cropped fuzzy sweaters. I actually just texted my mom to see if I left any clothes at her house when I moved out in 1998 and she said SHE WILL LOOK.

Oh, Henry finally came home BTW. Now he’s making me oatmeal for dinner and telling me to stop calling our cat Drew “PJ Chuckles” even though that’s one of her names, but OK, cook on, mothercheffer.

Nov 202021

We’re having a pretty A-OK Saturday. I lost my temper momentarily because NONE OF THE MALES in my house had taken out the garbage and that is the only reason why I KEEP MALES IN THE HOUSE in the first place. But other than that, today has been merry. A real pocketful of posies. Etc.

  • Picked up three books at the library!
  • Started to read In My Dreams I Hold a Knife and was worried because my track record with dark academia is bleak but this seems good so far!

You may remember that many years ago, I wrote some dumb blog review about that place and one of the bakers saw it and printed it out for the owner, THE SUGAR FAIRY, to read and I found out because SAID BAKER left a comment telling me that owner loved it and I was like OMG IM DEAD but then the next time Henry went there to get cupcakes, that baker came out from the back and said OMG ARE YOU HENRY because she recognized him from my blog so then it became this funny Ha Ha thing where Henry was the face of Oh Honestly Erin etc etc. but honestly, these cupcakes are just…they’re the limit.

Here’s my old post about them from 2009.

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I haven’t even glanced at it since then so god only knows how atrocious and vulgar it is:

When Cupcakes Surpass Expectations: A Positive Review

OK well we reference a circle jerk in the second line, so that really sets the stage.

Anyway, VPS moved to a new location several years ago and then eventually closed when the Sugar Fairy took a job as a pastry chef at a restaurant downtown. Yeah I know I could have just gone there but it’s not the same. It’s just not. Talk to the hand, etc.

Then last week one of my pals posted in their Instagram stories that VPS was reopening in their OG location?? I went and looked and sure enough, it was a real thing and not something I misread with hopeful cupcake eyes. The soft opening was today at noon. Did henry and I get there 30 minutes early in anticipation of a line?

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You bet your sweet buttercreamed ass we did.

No one was there yet! So we territorially sprayed our spot at the door while we had a chance. Then some guy came out and said that he was actually first. “I even brought a chair,” he said, pointing through the window at his portable concert chair thingie. Turns out he’s like BFFs with the Sugar Fairy!

Anyway, he was a real treat to talk to, and then another guy strode up and got in line with us and he was really cool too! It was the best line I’ve stood in in quite some time. Cupcakes will do that.

They let us come in about 15 minutes early! There was a decent line that had started to snake out from the door (I WAS SECOND BEHIND BFF) so I was glad that we did get there early.

We got one of each and then told the guy to just continue plopping the ‘cakes in until the dozen box was filled. I was about to spend too much time thinking about what I wanted because it’s been over 5 years since one of the delicate frosted orbs from above melted on my tongue and I wanted them all.

Oh would you look at this smoll boi with the big sugared hair? Look how the cupcake portion is GLISTENING. Look at the specks of legit vanilla bean in that frosting beehive. I am heavy-breathing so hard right now. Thank god no one is currently home. (Chooch is at work as usual ugh and Henry is at one of his favorite stores: JOANN.)

Wow what a happy moment, tonguing a Vanilla Pastry Studio buttercream mound again. Shit son. These cake-muffins are just the best around. Go there. You won’t regret it. (Well. Maybe until you step on the scale. What? I’m a big numbers person, I can’t help it! MY WORLD REVOLVES AROUND MY MORNING WEIGH-IN I CANT BEEAK THE CHAINS, I AM BOUND TO THE SCALE, ITS MH ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.)

We didn’t eat them all! Henry and I split the four in the above picture, so we each had two cupcakes and then felt the SUGAR DOWNS quickly after. But never fear! We took a drive out to Keystone State Park to walk it off. Whew.

“Take a picture of me with the lake behind me.”

“Give me your hat. Now take a picture of me with those things.  No, those things. No, THOSE THINGS. Whatever those things are.”

(Cattails? No. I don’t know what to call these things.)

Also!!! See that box thingie in the tree? That was the thing that started my infamous giggle fit the last time we were here! When I was trying to remember the name of the place I wanted to go today, I kept saying, “You know, that one place where I laughed a lot. No, the one where I laughed like A LOT and you and Chooch were annoyed and didn’t think it was funny. Where I almost peed my pants. I don’t know, it was because of vampires or something and I was laughing.”

And then Henry was like, “Oh. I know where you mean.” Lol.

Keystone Kackling.

“Take a picture of me looking like a stüp*.”

*(What I called stupid people.)

“Take a picture of me holding my jacket open like this.”

I do love this jacket. I got it at Target! It’s Wild Fable or whatever their strange 90s fashion reboot line is called. I’m going to be very sad when it gets too cold to wear this but hopefully I’ll be able to get away with wearing it in Georgia next weekend.

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“No wait, I wasn’t doing my PEEING DOG pose yet.”

“Ok, now I’m in prime canine PISSition. I’m ready. Take the picture. Henry are you taking the picture?”

“Wait let me do my SIGNATURE windmill pose now. Do I look cool? As cool as the Dutch ones?”

Henry just diligently snaps away while mumbling, “Sure but you will find something wrong with all of these as usual.”

Fake engagement photo. Ugh.


“Take a picture of me looking scared behind a tree.”

“Take a picture of me pretending like it’s my school picture. EW WHY DO I LOOK SLEAZY??”

“Because you WERE sleazy in high school,” Henry said.


Here are canoes.

Henry and I both had to pee after that and I offered suggestions on how we could both pee in the same toilet in the park restroom at the same time and he wouldn’t entertain my ideas because: “I feel like that would burn.”

OK well now I am going to finish my cup of coffee and read some more of my book before it’s time for FAMILY KPOP KARDIO NIGHT. (Chooch doesn’t know this is happening and will likely start a fight in order to get out of it so we’ll see. Check back later for the shocking conclusion, I guess.)

Oct 222021

Good eve. I took these photos ten years (!!) ago when my old friend Andrea was visiting.

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I’ve been thinking about refreshing these shots for a while now because I was never satisfied with the original ones and today after work I finally felt motivated to search the computer for the raw files (ok Henry to help me lol).

Anyway, I remember this being a really fun day so please enjoy these old relics from when Chooch’s cheeks were chubbacious and he was front-toothless!

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Fun facts: these were taken at the same cemetery where Night of the Living Dead was filmed.

Chooch was REALLY into zombies back then and used to shamble around saying, “they’re coming to get you, Barbara” and also was in a heavy phase where he liked to watch YouTube videos of people walking thru Spirit Halloween to the point where some of my friends started making their own walk-thru videos for him.

That hearse just literally rolled up out of nowhere while we were taking pictures and dude driving was like WOULD U LIKE THE HEARSE TO BE IN YR PICTURES. I didn’t feel like edited the other ones with the HEARSE CAMEO, please forgive me.

Wendy was also on site, as a standby Chooch handler.

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Henry was there too and did nothing to help.

Oct 192021

Hello. Here I am. Apologies in advance for what comes next because my brain is scrambled today.

My noo’st NooWorks shirt features a spooky design by artist Coco Roy and not like I need much help getting in the mood for “spooky season” (I dunno why I hate that phrase so much) but this really gave me an extra witch-boot to the ass over the weekend. I was so excited to wear it to a haunted house, and several of the haunt people were like OMG I LIKE YOUR SHIRT and I was like, “I know right” because how could you work at a haunted house and not be all about this fine piece of fabric?

Plus, it’s a mock turtleneck!

I didn’t know this until just now but Coco Roy worked on the Netflix movie HUBIE HALLOWEEN as costumer & wardrobe designer! I actually loved that movie (horror comedy usually isn’t my jam but this one legit entertained me) so now I love this shirt even more!

I call this the “Who, me?” pose because the squirrels always do this when I call them, like they’re saying, “Who? Me?” Henry always rolls his eyes over this but I think he’s just jealous because I speak squirrel now and he has yet to crack the code.

I feel like everyone does black&orange or blood-spatter nails for Halloween but I like the green&orange combo for that ultimate monster movie vibe. Black&purple&orange also goes Hallo-hard! Did that sound stupid? I just made that up. Can’t tell if I should high-five myself or not.


Hallo—-ugh, forget it. That was dumb. Edit that part out.

Yeah anyway, um. Speaking of monsters, what is your fave type of horror movie genre? (*crickets*) People always think I love zombies because Chooch went through a heavy zombie phase when he was super young, but I actually would choose vampires and ghosts/supernatural over zombie movies every single time. My top favorite subgenre is probably possession/religious horror.

I wish I had this pillow with me Saturday night when they asked us to film a testimonial after the haunted house. I keep checking that place’s social media to see how humiliated I need to feel but they haven’t posted it yet. Maybe one of the ghosts did me a solid and erased it from that broad’s phone.

Vans 4 Lyfe. I only have 4 pairs of Vans but wish I had 40. They’re my faves. TOMS used to be faves until they want from being scene kid shoes to soccer mom loafers.

Eyeballs 4 Lyfe.

Well, I told you my favorite horror genres but here are some of my all-time favorite horror movies:

  • Lost Boys
  • Suspiria
  • Blair Witch Project (this remains the king of found-footage genre, fight me)
  • Halloween (I’ll take the original 1,2,4 and 5, Mary)
  • Ju-On
  • Monster Squad

These are the first ones that came to mind. I grew up on horror though and my best memories are watching the Friday the 13th franchise with my brother Ryan and having my childhood BFF Christy sleep over and meticulously choosing movies from the horror section of Blockbuster. When I was dating Psycho Mike, I had a membership card to a little hole-in-the-wall rental joint called Firehouse Videos or something (it was next to our favorite 24:7 diner, Home Cookin’!) and they had the BEST SELECTION of Argento films.

But my favorite-favorite was back in the early years of my relationship with Henry, when we would walk several blocks to Incredibly Strange Video in Dormont, where the proprietor Bruce was always happy to see us and he’d know exactly what horror movies to recommend, never action, dramas, comedies – he knew we came there for the horror. It was during these years that we filled up on Asian horror, indie slaughterfests, and some of the scariest student films you could imagine. Then like all other video rental shops, Netflix forced Bruce to close up shop and that was a really sad day for us. Because Netflix and whatever else is out there is great and all, but for all that they offer, I swear to god I can never settle on anything to watch!

This is the face I make when I’m mimicking Henry and he was like TAKE A PICTURE OF THAT SO YOU WILL SEE HOW INSANE YOU LOOK/HOW INACCURATE IT IS so I did and it looks actually more accurate than I ever intended! I was mocking him in the car next night too by way of a pseudo-stand up routine that I made up on the spot about him eating chili and he told me I’m a complete asshole. Not just a partial one. Complete. With all the parts.

If you were driving to a haunted hayride, through twisty & bumpy unlit country roads in the middle of nowhere, what would be playing on your car stereo?

My picks would be:

  • B! Machine
  • The Black Queen
  • Gary Numan
  • 1970s/1980s era The Cure
  • Depeche Mode

I also always love to have gas station coffee for the drive too. When I was younger, I was obsessed with getting seasonally-flavored “cappuccino” from the dispensers at gas stations but it’s been a hot minute since I last, um, “treated” myself to that sugary swill.

At some point, we have plans to repaint this wall a deeper, more vibrant blue but the thought of taking down all these pictures and rearranging them later is exhausting lol j/k like I would be doing any of that myself. Why keep a HenryTM around if you’re not going to use him.

Aside from Henry’s mom, I still haven’t invited anyone over since we redecorated etc etc during the pandemic. I guess at this point I’ll just wait for Henry to hang up the damn Seoul subway sign (he’s getting the spray paint for the frame tonight I think!?!? *allegedly*) and maybe, oh fuck it I am completely anti-guests now, thanks Covid, lol. But if I were actually wanting to be hospitable, this is the way I would come to the door.

WELCOME TO MY HOUSE LET ME SHOW YOU ALLLL AROUND. Lol, it’d be a 5-minute tour. I live in a duplex.

I got this jacket FOR FREE. One of my InstaPals was unhauling a bunch of clothes after moving into a new house and there were a bunch of people clamoring for this bitchin’ lamé shoulder-warmer but I won out by literally 2 seconds or something. This was over the summer but I had visions of wearing it during the transitional fall weather, over t-shirts at amusement parks and haunted houses. It was so hot for the first part of October that this past weekend was the first time I could comfortably wear it and of course it was actually too cold because god forbid we should have actually fall weather here in Pittsburgh. It goes from like, Indian Summer to CHANCE OF FLURRIES.

Anyway, it turns out this jacket was part of a kid’s dance costume, lol.

I like this one because it accidentally almost looks like my right hand is that one on my shirt.

In other spooky news, I was inspired to check if Philly does their Dracula’s Ball and they are having one this year but it appears to be more of just a concert, and it’s only 2 and a half hours long, with The Crystal Method (definitely have not thought about them in, I dunno, almost 20 years?! OMG TWENTY YEARS, I AM SO FUCKING OLD) headlining. That seems less like a ball and more like a rave for old people.

Probably thinking of more projects for Henry, like, building a squirrel bridge over the road in front of my house so MY SQUIRRELS WILL STOP GETTING HIT BY MORONIC CARS. We just buried a Mr. Gray Guy today :( I heard the *thump* this morning and knew, just knew, in my heart what had happened. I had just been yelling at him from my window to BE CAREFUL but it wasn’t good enough and I had to go out and carry him off the street and place him a box for Henry* to bury this afternoon and then I proceeded to sit here, steeped in guilt and “what if”s all day, alone. I am *not* thriving in this work-from-home environment. Not even a little bit. I’m lonely and my attachment to the squirrels is unhealthy YES I KNOW, THERE I SAID WHAT ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN THINKING.

Well, on that note, guess I’ll go make tombstones for the squirrel graveyard in my backyard. I mean, two graves makes a graveyard, right? I hate life.


**(Thank god for Henry.)

Sep 022021

Why have a bitchin’ kitchen if you’re not gonna use it for photoshoot backdrops, you know? I wanted to do a fun COUPLE SHOOT with Henry since we are never going to get married and therefore will never get to have CUTE ENGAGEMENT PORTRAITS taken. Listen Linda, it’s not like I used that as leverage to get Henry to agree to pose for these.


(I can whistle, but I can’t finger-snap!)



My best look, to be honest.

I took some SOLO SHOTS too because I wanted to document my other NOOWORKS shirt that I may or not ever get to wear out of the house to the office. This was my best 1980s pose. I feel like if I had a leotard on, I could blend into the background of a Jane Fonda album cover because remember when aerobic workouts came on RECORDS?? My mom had a whole bunch, and I had a Mousercize one!

(I also was a big fan of the Get In Shape Girl exercise kits made to groom young girls into weight

Also apparently this is my new SIGNATURE POSE.

Henry was like, “LET’S LINK ARMS.” This is what I call the BEST COUPLE yearbook superlative shot.

Did you know that we went to the same high school?


Except he graduated in ’83 and I (would have) graduated in ’97. LOLOLOL.

I never would have dared to sit on the floor of our old kitchen, rug or no rug.

In case you were wondering what’s behind the fabric of the coffee cart, it is a plethora of SMOOTHIE BOWL MIX-INS. I am obsessed with smoothie bowls and have one almost every day, they are so filing and nutritious! Also, this is my favorite shot because my face is covered.

We enlisted Chooch to help us with some of the pictures and he was RULL THRILLED as he can imagine. He was in the middle of whatever idiotic game he was playing and had to tell his lame e-friends, “BRB GOTTA HELP MY EMBARRASSING PARENTS ACHIEVE THE NEXT LEVEL OF CRINGE.”

WHAM vs Whitesnake. I like both!


Oh look, what a fresh new pose.

Trapper Keeper! We use it to keep coupons and pizza menus in one convenient place, because what else would you put them in if you had a 1980s-themed kitchen??

This was Henry’s “nice shirt” that he brought to Korea to wear to the DMZ, lol.

Remember when I hand-drew the pattern on that door?? Still worth it.

Until we move. Then I will be very sad.

I was so excited to take this ULTIMATE CRINGE picture but what you don’t know is that while we were “pretend making out” I was screaming at him for breathing so loud. “Can’t you just hold your breath while we’re doing this?”

“OK LET ME JUST HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I DIE,” he said, but then he held his breath, lololol.

A VERY EXCITING RECORD. Henry played the part way better than me, and it was my own dumb idea lol.


You guys. I like him a little bit. (Even though he kept taking pictures of my butt when I wasn’t paying attention.


But not as much as I like my shirt!!

Thinking about eating grilled cheese with G-Dragon, probably.

Chooch wanted to die right about here. Also that medal hanging off the door was won BY ME IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL for taking a picture or something, I can’t remember. It was for the Cultural Arts program that my mom made me enter every year.

It was all unraveling at this point.

You know what’s HILARIOUS is that our record player actually broke last year and we still have not bought a new/old one, but at least some of these records got some use!

OK, that’s all. This wouldn’t be happening if MY SON WOULD STILL LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF HIM. But now you’re stuck looking at the mugs of me and Henry.

Aug 292021

Oh boy hi hello on a stupidly humid Sunday in Pittsburgh. I don’t have much to say other than I bought a new NOOWORKS shirt and it arrived yesterday and I was so excited because after I bought it I realized it matches this one corner in my house and all I could think about all week while waiting for it to arrive was how badly I wanted to do a dumb photoshoot since god only knows when I will get to wear this shirt out of the house (someone invite me to dinner, thanks, lol, no I’m serious, let’s go).

In case you were wondering, NOOWORKS has become my favorite online clothing company to shop at during this asshole pandemic. It all started when I was like, “I will buy myself something nice to wear to work once we get to go back to the office.” Oh, how cute of me to think such thoughts in May of 2020.  This is only my third purchase from NOOWORKS, and all three shirts have been different styles that are SO FLATTERING. I am a frumpy person with terrible slouchy posture so I need extra help in looking cute, you know?

NOOWORKS is also cool because it’s woman-owned & women-run and they work with cool artists to make each limited edition piece you find on their site. This particular print is by an artist named Amy Hastings and when I legit set an alert on my phone for the day this puffy shirt went live, and THANK GOD because it sold out in every size within the hour.

I love knowing that the odds of me walking around Pittsburgh and bumping into someone wearing this same shirt is PRETTY SLIM. Also, those sunglasses are from GENTLE MONSTER! I bought them in Busan and have been so afraid to wear them because I am notoriously rough with sunglasses and fear that I will break them. But I love knowing that I own them!

Oh. And this is the tennis racket I mentioned in my last post! It’s from the early 80s. I love it. It’s going to be hung up above the kitchen door and then we’re getting neon tennis balls to stick to the wall around it SO STAY TUNED for more 1980s kitchen idiocy!

LOL this was my “serious pose” whatever that means.

My jeans are Lauren Conrad, pretty much the only brand of jeans I will wear because every pair is so flattering on my big ass. I like this particular wash so much because they really fit my 1980s brain.

I  MADE THAT BANGLE. It was back when I thought I was a painter and a jewelry designer. Remember those days? Oh man.

Slouching as usual. I worked at this one place as a telemarketer for a few months when I was 19 – it was for a credit card terminal company and I had to call businesses all fucking day and ask them if they accepted credit cards. I started doing REALLY WELL sales-wise once I went rogue and tossed the call sheets in lieu of looking up tattoo parlors in the Yellow Pages. But then my supervisor found out and was like YOU CAN’T DO THAT, YOU HAVE TO USE THE CALL SHEETS WE SUPPLY and I was like, “Oh so you want to make less sales? Got it.” Anyway, that same supervisor taped a sign on the wall next to my desk that said POSTURE and I actually took a picture of him pointing at it, lemme see if I can find that RULL QUICK…

BAM, Mary, I knew I had that shit on hand.

(EDITED TO ADD: when Henry looked at these pictures and saw the slouching one, he laughed and said, “you can tell this was the last picture you took because you look so over it.”

“….that was the first one,” I said with a fake vocal fry, as he slowly backed away.)

I kind of want to play tennis now.

Shoes are Vans. They are VELCRO and everything I could ask for in a SHOE.

Well, pals, I think that’s all. Maybe I will do another fake photoshoot later in the week when my face isn’t melting off, because my other NOOWORKS shirts are cool as fuck too! I wish I was a brand ambassador for them so that I can be all YO USE CODE OHHONESTLYERIN FOR A 25% DISCOUNT or whatever all those lame-o’s say in their dumb influencer Instagram posts. I would be such a bad influencer though, lol!!

OMG it’s 11am and I haven’t done a single thing except for this shit so CIAO BELLA ETC ETC.

Aug 252021

Hi guys today DREW and I spent some quality time together since Chooch abandons us every day for Chooch Things. I got moderately-dressed today because I had a video meeting with my group at work and honestly, I’m pretty bummed because I have been curating a nice new wardrobe this past year in anticipation of someday returning to the office, which has not yet happened and where am I going to where this shit? I only go to Target, the cemetery, and amusement parks.

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(Fun fact: that thing on the floor next to the cat tower – no, not the cat, that’s Drew – is a fake finger thing that Chooch got at Stricker’s Grove after trading in his game tickets. He actually got two of them. Whatta prize.)

(Another fin fact: the title of that blog post I linked to up there boasts Chooch’s 150th roller coaster credit but we found out later that it wasn’t actually his 150th because his spreadsheet was all fucked up, lol.)

While I was taking pictures of Drew and me (JUST TWO GIRLS WAITING FOR THE SQUIRRELS), I thought that maybe I should start at least dressing up occasionally at home and do dumb fauxtoshoots while wearing some new clothes?? Am I suddenly a fashion blogger or just pressed for content?

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I think we all know, lol.

Wow, this is great quality.

Anyway, this shirt was like MAJOR CHEAPO from Shein which, you know, fast fashion is bad.

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And to be honest, with every order I get from Shein, I usually return 1/3 of it because their shit can be so weird and cut oddly. This shirt is so cute and comfortable though and it meets two of my current criteria:


And I love Peter Pan collars!!

Oh well. I’ll try to do better next time but it’s hard when my cats can’t take the pictures for me.