May 122008
 

Today, I took Chooch over my friend Jess’s. Usually I don’t have a car during the day, so whenever I go out with Chooch, Henry is with us too. But today was the day of Independence, so I loaded Chooch and all his shit in the car and after fifteen minutes of struggling with the car seat straps and retrieving all the shit I forgot in the house, we were finally ready to go.

We had to stop at CVS first to pick up some stuff for Jess. Apparently, Chooch is perfect when Henry takes him to the store. But with me, it’s always game time, so he was trying to get me to spin in circles and then wanted me to sit on the floor with him and he was pulling me in a trillion directions so I ended up having to hold him while we were in line and some old man was causing a ruckus over toilet paper and I was like, "Just pay for it, asshole, can’t you see I’m holding a eighty thousand pound toddler?"

After we left, I called Henry to tell him I appreciate him, because I can’t imagine being a single mom and having to do this shit on my own all the time. I get frazzled easily so I was nearly in tears, after struggling with the car seat again, and I think I ended the phone call by whimpering, "And I’m pretty sure his shoes aren’t on right." Pretty much the jokiest mother ever. Seriously, I’m useless. Unless it involves running around, screaming, and making up monster voices.

I even texted a heartfelt  "I<3u" to Henry again, out of desperation, and I think it had an effect on him because he bought me a new camera. Yes Henry, I’m keeping you. A proposal might be nice, too, though. Just a suggestion.

Jess just had a baby a week ago and named him Gavin. It was Chooch’s first time around a baby.  He was enrapt, confused, suspicious, annoyed, enamored all at once; his head was probably very near-explosion. Naturally, the first thing he did was go straight for the soft spot with his fist. He kept saying, "Baby!" and doing the sign for it. Then he was trying to tickle him, I think? I don’t know, but he was stabbing the baby with his finger and saying "diddle diddle" and it was weird. Usually, he puts up a good struggle when it comes time to have his diaper changed, but when he saw Jess changing Gavin’s diaper, he pulled me off the couch and said, "Uh-oh, pee" and patted his diaper. Then he layed down, willingly, on the floor, and remained calm and still while I changed him. If only it was always like that.

He started to get annoyed at the lack of attention, though. His remedy for that was standing on his head, slamming into walls, and performing a small sign language show for us. Then he would fall on purpose and say, "SOWWY!" Yes Chooch, we’re watching you. Yes Chooch, you’re amazing. I think it was his way of saying, "That baby is ok, but let’s not bring one home." Chooch, I just got my fat ass down to a size medium, so don’t worry: there are no babies in my future.

 

  11 Responses to “I’m kind of a crappy mom”

  1. oh, is this your friend you took the portraits of a few months ago? that baby it adorable! he has the cutest little hairline. funny.

    chooch is so handsome.

    “diddle diddle” pfft..ha!

    you’re an awesome mom. at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter which shoe is on which foot. but it does matter what kind of memories you create…and you do a lot of that.

    • Yes that’s her and guess what? She’s is completely smitten by the baby, which is what I was betting on. She’s eased right into motherhood, it’s so cute!

      And thank you, Merry. Sometimes I feel so frazzled, like I would probably go off somewhere and die if I didn’t have Henry to help me. That man does more than I give him credit for.

  2. chooch is a maniac… he’s probably not the easiest child to mother anyway, but i think you do a fantastic job.

    don’t get me wrong TGFH!!!!, but- you’re not so bad.
    at the very least, you’re the funnest mom ever.

    • <333333333333333333333

      Chooch totally knows the roles, man. It's perpetual playtime when he's with mommy, apparently. I guess that's my own doing though. Fuck.

  3. Medium????
    What’s that?

    I have trained my husband to refer to L and XL
    as Little and Extra Little.
    *sighs*

    Chooch is dashing as always.

    • I’ve been doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred and even though I still eat candy, it’s somehow working! I highly recommend it.

      My arms are still chunky though. Problem area, holla!

  4. “I’m useless. Unless it involves running around, screaming, and making up monster voices.”

    Monster voices are KEY! Essential to being a mum.

    “He started to get annoyed at the lack of attention, though. His remedy for that was standing on his head, slamming into walls, and performing a small sign language show for us. Then he would fall on purpose and say, “SOWWY!””

    *cracking up* Loving an audience already!

  5. I am immensely impressed by the Mothers who teach their kids sign launguage. It’s such a great idea. So not crappy at all. Now, see if you can have him bilingual by age 3. Challenging Moms is fun…mainly as I am not one.

    • :)

      We watch a DVD called Talking Hands, but then Henry and I go over it with him throughout the day, like little pop quizzes. It’s really fun!

      I def. want to teach him a language next.

      I didn’t know you were still reading, thank you!

  6. Yes, I read daily – even the tweets : ) I just rarely feel like I have much to add to the conversation. I’ll try not to be so silent though!

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