Spirit Guides and Stinky Cheese

The first time I met Evonne was February of 2005. She was Alisha’s roommate at the time, and Alisha and I had just become friends through LiveJournal. My first time visiting, Evonne pulled out her Psychic Circle and it was there, at their dining room table, that I learned Henry was my soul mate but I should break up with him. Being a classy broad with a fully developed maturity level, I took this information home and smashed it in Henry’s face. Even though Evonne reminded me over and over that this was really just a game and should be taken with a grain of salt.

Obviously, we didn’t break up. And things between us got a lot better than they were during that time. Such as, I’m not in a constant effort to make him bleed anymore. And that in turn has made him nicer to me. Who ever would have guessed.

Evonne, Alisha and I tried to play with the Psychic Circle once last year, but it didn’t work because I was being too spiritually uptight, psychically frigid, I don’t know. So when my friend Wendy and I went to Evonne’s this past Saturday night, I made sure to leave all of my expectations and preconceived notions at the door. I mainly focused on all the cheese that we would be eating, and that really helped quell my nerves.

After having social hour with Evonne’s menagerie (she has the sweetest cats and dogs), we said a prayer around the board before jumping right in. I was happy that it was moving for us this time, after last year when my mental baggage created an energy roadblock and the disc basically just sat on the board, dragging its feet like a stubborn child. We quickly learned that there were a ton of spirits there for Wendy, and there was a really emotionally intense moment involving her, which I’m not going to write about it because it’s too personal. But I will say that crying is contagious and I realized then that in the short time I’ve known her, I’ve cried more in front of her than most other people I know, which made Henry shake his head when I told him that later.

When my spirit guide took the reigns, we learned that his name starts with K and he’s someone related to me, but I have no idea who it could be.

“When we did this in 2005, the same thing happened. I still have the notes you gave me that day,” I said to Evonne, who had an accident a few years back and doesn’t really remember meeting me in 2005. We learned that K has been with me for 31 years. The disc slid over to the corner of the board closest to my right and stopped on the word “Look.” The three of us looked all around, and then the disc slid closer to the corner so we focused on that area.

“It’s sitting on the corner for ‘air,'” Wendy pointed out. “So maybe we should look up.”

And when I did, I noticed an old door bell box on the wall with a K on it.

Wow, my spirit guide is a dick.

K also told me to protect myself from Henry and you know me – I got all wide-eyed and started OMG’ing, but Evonne calmly reiterated that this is just a game and shouldn’t be taken literally. Henry’s lucky, otherwise he’d have been slapped with a PFA post haste.

So when he accidentally drops a piano on my head late on a Wednesday afternoon, I’ll be able to laugh and say, “Oh K, you old devil!” before perishing from a brain bleed.

[I will admit that the next night, when we were at the Chiodos show (which I have yet to write about because I’m still too sad) I was afraid to stand too close to Henry. During one of the opening bands, in fact, I left him standing in the back all by himself while I went closer to the stage. YOU NEVER KNOW.]

After awhile, the spirits were like, “Jesus Christ, go eat your fucking fromage already,” and I said a silent prayer because do you know how rough it was for me to sit there with a pile of fine cheeses to my left? I kept tossing it sidelong glances.

One of my contributions was Havarti and I made sure to point out at least six times that it was from God’s Country, wherever the fuck that is. Evonne gave me a knife (mistake #1) and expected me to help her arrange a platter. I silently struggled and when she didn’t notice, I made a few quiet grunts of frustration before she grabbed the hunk from me and did it herself. I was OK with slicing the Amish Butter Cheese, though! Henry would have been proud.

We stuffed ourselves with cheese while bullshitting and I realized that I was feeling absolutely drained, yet very peaceful. We closed down the board a little after midnight and made promises to do it again very soon. You better believe I’ll be back. I need to find out more dirt on Henry.