Dec 232011

Came into work today to find a large box beside my desk, all wrapped in a candy cane print. It was from Barb and she told me to open it immediately; within seconds, a small crowd of people privy to the box’s contents had gathered at my desk

I opened it and immediately almost pissed my pants. A few weeks ago, I was at the flea market with Tommy and Jessy and took a picture of this creep-factory of a doll. Of course, by the time I got home that day, I was kicking myself for not buying it. I even checked when I was there two weeks ago with Andrea, but didn’t see it and felt extreme sadness and regret.

Barb knew that I was coveting it and went back and bought it for me for Christmas and I can’t even believe it I am dying of happiness right now punctuation what!?

Of course, everyone was like, “That is so creepy! Why do you want that?!” and then it was fun to watch as they realized they had already answered their question.

Sean came over and caught me cradling my new (old) doll. He shook his head and said, “Hey, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Bridget was like, “OMG THAT’S SO DIRTY HOW CAN YOU PUT THAT SO CLOSE TO YOUR FACE!” or something equally as chastising and oh look she just came back and said, “I wouldn’t touch that if you paid me and I sincerely suggest that you anti-bac your hands.”

Nina and Wendy cried a little bit when they saw it. Mitch and Lee seemed to approve. Chris, who was here when I opened it and looked thoroughly flabbergasted, just walks by now and gives me leery motive-questioning looks.


He fits in so well with all my creepy shit and Jesus pen!



He’s coming home with me this weekend for our annual Christmas picnic in the cemetery, but I think after that, he’ll reside here in The Law Firm. I like the reactions he’s provoked.

This just solidifies what I already knew: Barb is the best co-worker ever and most attentive friend. (Plus, she reads my blog like a good girl.)


  • I just learned that Barb bought this the same day I was at the flea market with Andrea looking for it.
  • I have been carrying it around the department with me and it occured to me that I am holding it with more natural panache than I have ever held a live baby. 

  7 Responses to “Best/Creepiest Xmas Present Ever”

  1. Im pretty positive that doll is making the exact face that Harland does when he is pooping!

  2. Barb rules

  3. That doll is creepy as fuck, but pretty epic. Go Barb!

  4. I never told you how jealous I am of this doll. That’s why I haven’t been around much lately. I’m consumed with jealousy.

  5. This doll looks strangely like you. What if you had a twin brother who mysteriously disappeared at birth and was turned into a creepy, dirty doll by a wicked witch? And your parents never told you, but then you happened upon him in a flea market somewhere and felt strangely drawn to him through the twin bond?

    And what if Barb is really your fairy godmother who knows all of this, but was sworn to secrecy by the Fairy Godmother Police? And to get around this, she came up with a way to reunite the two of you without using words by guiding you to this flea market?

    And what if the reason the wicked witch changed your twin into a doll is because the two of you together are a magical powerhouse capable of vaniquishing eveeel FOREVER!!!!!!!?

Say it don't spray it.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.