Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:55 Chooch has had me wearing a party hat all day. I keep waiting for him to pull out the dead body he’s been hiding under his crib. CAKE TIME!! #
• 14:02 kiefer sutherland was just on tv and i told chooch that was david all grown up. he looked at me like “lost boys dont grow old, asshole.” #
• 18:53 My phone has been deleting my call log immediately. How am I supposed to know if robert smith calls!? #
• 19:25 At eat n park, listening to some high school girl recount the fight she got in. SHE BROKE OFF AN ACRYLIC, YA’LL. And there’s a video??!!! #
• 19:52 Just burst into giggles at eat n park, causing Henry to whip his head around and say “what’s going on, who’s flirting with you?” Paranoid! #
• 19:57 Some lady just complimented Chooch on his “nice set of fangs.” I was waiting for him to reply with “Maggots, Michael.” #
• 20:03 Eat n Park: continuing to dish out their classic brand of shitty service. #
• 20:45 Oh plz someone take me bowling. #
• 21:32 @ownthehour I’m jumproping! #
• 22:43 Today was useless. My bananas foster french toast was the highlight. Ten yrs ago it might have been getting high w/ a hitchhiker. Alas. #
• 01:20 I don’t think I should feel this angry when I watch Food Network, but these Road Tested assholes inject me with Satan’s piss, I swear. #
• 01:22 The broad of the Road Tested pair is like if Sherri Shepperd got a breast and humor reduction. HENRY WONT TURN IT. #
• 01:27 THE NEELYS. I vote that they, un-funny Emeril & that alcoholic Sandra whore get their own channel that’s only broadcast in Phuket. . #
• 01:28 Because PHUKTHEM. #

• 11:33 Even as an adult, Secret of Nimh makes me want to rip out my heart. Cartoons shouldn’t be so sad. Shit. #
• 12:05 Trudy Stufflebean wants someone to sit on her lap. She has a fat wad of Washingtons in her jock. tinyurl.com/5jmpos #
• 17:37 Its almost time for xmas decoration critiquing. I think this year, I’m going to start writing people up. #
• 17:44 twitpic.com/nepo – Because I’m looking to gain back the last 5 pounds I lost. #
• 17:56 Have I ever driven past a house while someone inside is being murdered? Just something I like to wonder about on occasion. #
• 19:01 I could watch my son try to dress himself all night. Would be even funnier if I was drunk. And him, too. #
• 21:28 I have old jeans that want to be skirts. You do it. #
• 00:13 The cinematography in Alice in Wonderland: an X-Rated Musical is really outta sight. #
• 12:31 I asked Chooch if he knew what my name was. He said “erin robbins” and I almost shat. “Not in your dad’s lifetime” I said. #

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