Tweets give thanks for 70s porn

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:49 At the Library, having shitty service and expensive omelets.* #
• 13:58 I used to like the Library but now I hope it perishes in a fire. #
• 19:33 Happy to report that someone found my blog by searching 4 “my used tampon.” Almost as good as “Erin whore ass raped” & “grandma’s vagina.” #
• 21:04 We’re having T-giving at my crazy abode. Janna doesn’t know it yet but she’s not invited unless she brings this: tinyurl.com/6f5he2 #
• 00:47 I haven’t been on a blind date in a long time. I should do that again soon. Maybe wear a wig too. And a wire. #
• 00:49 And talk about my souvenir spoon collection, and the dead granny I keep in the basement. Someone hurry – set it up! #
• 01:20 I wish I knew an Amanda. But I wonder how many times I could take her by surprise & make her realize, before she’d begin to expect it. #
• 11:22 Can’t wait for the day when-hopefully-Chooch can GENTLY love our cat, instead of turning an innocent embrace into a hostage situation. #
• 11:25 Used to know a guy who collected REO Speedwagon bootlegs & talked with his chin tucked into his chest. I need more ppl like him around. #
• 13:54 I mused aloud that its chilly and my 17-year-old I mean 2-year-old retorted with an annoyed “no shit.” #
• 15:59 I wish I really did get a penny for my thoughts. Or at least one of those delicious yogurt covered peanuts. #
• 21:20 One of the drivers and my manager both called me kiddo tonight and they can’t be much older than me. It was awkward. #
• 23:49 Was TRYING to entice Henry with my ultra sexy scarf dance with the sounds of Pgh Pridefest on the TV behind me. He told me to sit down. #
• 01:20 we were at the grocery store & every instrumental masterpiece spraying down from the speakers made me think of X-Rated Alice in Wonderland. #
• 11:29 I just asked henry what I can make for thanksgiving. “Yourself scarce” was his answer. #

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*OK the omelet brunch was actually a fair deal but the waitress’s sour puss made it seem like soggy jail food.