Chooch and I had been diligently, and sort of clandestinely, working on a Father’s Day book for Henry. Truth be told, we don’t ever really get him anything on Father’s Day, and the whole Annual Father’s Day Kennywood Trip is mostly for me and Chooch. (Maybe more than mostly.) So I decided that it was time to do something to really show Henry who’s boss.
(Hahahaha, as if.)
Chooch and I took turns illustrating things about Henry that we love, and maybe sometimes also things that we like to make fun of him for. Like his constant desire to point out nature things when we go for walks. Or his ability to identify aircraft, sometimes by sound alone. (Just kidding, he’s not that cool.)
Of course, working with a seven-year-old meant that Henry pretty much knew we were “doing something” right from the get-go. Like when Chooch decided to draw his first picture while Henry was in the other room, and “covered up” by yelling, “I’M JUST DRAWING….UM, A RANDOM PICTURE OF A ZOMBIE. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FATHER’S DAY.”
It arrived last Friday and I diligently wrapped it in wrinkled, used tissue paper, duct tape, and a ribbon made from the circulars because Henry is OBSESSED with reading the circulars. I hate the circulars because they’re nothing more than superfluous clutter, so I tend to pitch them the moment the mailman delivers them, which sends Henry into a blind rage because he enjoys reading about produce sales at the dining room table while he eats his meat-gruel and bread for dinner.
I wanted him to have mixed emotions: happiness about receiving a gift, and anger that his circulars were reduced to little more than gift-fodder.
The idea was to give it to him the morning of Father’s Day, to maybe soften him up for the rest of the day so that he would feel obliged to spend thousands of dollars on us at Kennywood (maybe I might want to buy a piece of a carousel or a bag of synthetic drugs from some teenaged employee in the arcade, you never know), but we caved the following morning and gave it to him a week early. Besides, it was two days after his birthday, so it was kind of like a duel present.
He didn’t actually cry, but he did have to remove his glasses in order to read it because he’s old.
The Frown Page is the favorite here at work.
Seriously though, Trashcan cookies from Sheetz are the bomb. I don’t know why he doesn’t take it into the bathroom to eat it in privacy.
Chooch wanted to draw Henry nude in every illustration. This was the only one where it made sense though. I mean, I don’t think Henry has ever stood on top of a hill, playing Candy Crush in the nude, while Chooch rides his scooter. I hope not, anyway.
There was even a page of Henry Haikus that some of my friends submitted, which really made it even better. I liked that so many people were involved, and I think he was pretty honored. I wanted to do something more for him other than just throw some pictures in a book and call it a day, I guess because he deserves the extra effort — ugh I can’t believe I’m letting my fingers type those words.
Of course, every time I don’t get my way now, I throw The Book back in his face. It’s almost as good as using the Bible against a Christian.
If you have any interest in seeing the rest of the book, here is a slideshow. I know, right — a SLIDESHOW. This blog just keeps getting richer and richer.