Mar 102009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 18:51 Henry proudly announced that he OWNS A BOOK. My mind, its blown. #
  • 19:40 Chooch just ate butter dipped in melted chocolate ice cream and said “mmm that’s good butter.” #
  • 20:39 Some guy at Oh Yeah convinced me to force down a bottle of Synergy, which includes strands of live culture. He said he believes in me. #
  • 20:22 The good thing is that when I puke back into this bottle, the juice will still taste the same. #
  • 20:16 I give it an hour before separation anxiety kicks in. #
  • 15:03 – It’s been 4 hrs & I’m still drinking this shit. It promises to regenerate so hopefully tmrw I’ll have an auxiliary vagina on my cheek  #
  • 17:14 OH YEAH I FINISHED THAT SHIT. Waiting for a glowing third nipple to sprout. #
  • 21:08 Am I the only one Twitter is discriminating against today? #
  • 22:57 Chooch is currently working three puzzles at once. #
  • 00:36 Spit in Henry’s mouth and almost peed on his weener. #
  • 01:12 Yay all my tweets from 8 hrs ago are coming in now in random order. #
  •  01:34 All of my meals today have consisted of sugar, fat, and dips. #

  • 12:44 Operation Kitchen Facelift is underway! Henry is putting together shelves and I suggested we also paint the walls. His reply was mumbled. #
  • 12:49 I really want to hang up actual food porn on the walls but I have a feeling Henry might use his big gun veto powers on that one. #
  • 12:51 Like, a picture of a bratwurst penetrating a roasted chicken. (I know, sometimes my vegetarianism is so blatant.) #
  • 13:20 Chooch: “daddy’s awesome” Me: “what am i?” Chooch: “asshole bitch.” #
  • 14:34 Just pointed out a robin to Chooch & he goes “where’s the Batman bird?” #
  • 17:10 Janna just took Damien, I mean Chooch, for a walk to prevent me from killing him. #
  • 19:03 Crabapple in the hizzy! #
  • 22:44 Here’s hoping this annoying night comes to an end soon! Ideally by a noose tightening around my neck, but I guess bedtime would suffice. #

  • 00:37 I enjoy being a boxing ring for cats and I don’t think that’s weird at all. #
  • 00:48 @Bed_In_Revolt I’m hoping there was enough crack in them to lure you guys back! #
  • 00:49 Whoever thought I’d agree with Tom Green. #
  • 11:30 My kitchen is almost to the point where people can enter it & I won’t combust with embarrassment! Now I just need to paint it purple/green. #
  • 11:30 and by that I clearly mean Henry will paint it. #
  • 11:34 @dartfaerie OK! And I will take a Vic Fuentes from Pierce the Veil! #

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So Twitter was being a gayblade and holding tweets hostage all weekend, then squirting them out in random order. I tried to re-order them  so they make sense, but I didn’t bother fixing the time stamps.

  6 Responses to “oh hay tweets”

  1. Don’t drink anything “organic” or “natural” that is blood red. If it says “natural color” or “carmine”, that means you’re drinking squished cochineal – South American beetles, yo.

    Ted Allen told me so, although I learned that years ago and veto Coca-Cola’s “Fruitopia” to this day because it’s hella buggy.

  2. i loves me some beetle colouring baby

    butter in ice cream? is chooch training to be one of those bedridden obese babies so he can go on Maury Povich?

  3. Does Chooch really swear that much? Tim’s sister is really strict about not swearing around her sons. I’m pretty sure our kids’ first words will be shit or fuck. =P

    • He does swear, but thankfully it’s not at a Tourette-ish level. His timing is impeccable, and he’s been pretty good at not doing it in public anymore. We just try to ignore it.

Say it don't spray it.

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