Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 19:12 I don’t know about you, but I do so enjoy a good sharp elbow to the throat. Now if only I could get a nice brutal punch to the kidney. #
• 21:12 Revisiting my love for Cursive and naming the freckle on Chooch’s butt. Oh what fun Friday nights hold for me these days! #
• 23:00 Official name on Chooch’s ass freckle birth certificate: Tawny Buttaen. #
  

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• 00:36 Polka dot ties don’t seem all that funny these days. #
• 12:36 Today is Saturday, in case some people might not have previously known. #
• 17:46 Synaptical brushfire in my head, please douse with wine. #
• 18:06 Best friendship should not be synonymous with flaring tempers. #
• 19:04 Hola, wracked nerves. WHERE IS MY WINE. #
• 21:23 And what do you call your cheerleaders, the Whoricanes? #
  

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• 09:14 Using a hatchet to sever THESE ties. Expect a lot of blood. #
• 10:04 Cleveland today with @saucalisha to see @craigeryowens! Might die! Or at the very least pee-puddle my pants. #
• 12:35 Allowing alisha to drive and stray from the directions I prepared. This might become part of the Wrong Turn franchise. #
• 12:39 Alisha is having doubts and I am being a good, silent passenger. #
• 12:56 “Easter egg hunts aren’t all they’re cracked up to be” says Alisha. CRACKED UP, GET IT? OHHOHO. #
• 13:35 At Ruby Tuesdays, was carded for a sangria. “Let me get my id….out of my iCarly purse.” #
• 13:42 Me: “I’m a mess.” Alisha: “At least you have insight.” #
• 15:02 twitpic.com/2vmzg – Alisha’s cocktail. #
• 16:31 Just stretched 5 miles into 15 bc I’m a shitty co-pilot. We were almost there until I got it in my head that we were going the wrong way. #
• 16:38 I do believe I’ve seen him in that hoodie before. #
• 17:01 In the span of 2 seconds, I became trapped in a grocery store restroom & broke my iCarly purse trying to escape. #
• 18:08 In line, some gigantic older man in a Star Wars shirt lumbered by & said “must be one of those emotional bands.” DYING. #
• 18:58 Doorman, when I flashed my ID: “wow, I wasn’t prepared for someone to be 21. You caught me off guard.” #
• 20:27 Yeah there are people here who are WAY older than me. I feel good about myself. I’m also drunk, though. #
• 20:36 I want peanut butter & jelly, and I walked into the mens room and saw a weener. #
• 20:40 Remember when those scene boys liked my shoes? # (my original drunk-tweet said “shows.” did you not know i’m a stripper?)
• 21:33 Oh @Craigeryowens. So fucking good. #
• 21:41 BABY U WOULDNT LAST A MINUTE ON THE CREEK WHUTWHUT #
• 21:46 I’m not crying because I’m drunk. #
• 22:50 Here Craig, I reek of a brewery, but plz accept this painting. #
  

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• 00:17 Alisha should be a sunday school teacher. Yahweh indeed. #
• 08:45 Hangovers just aren’t fun unless you have a three-year-old bodyslamming you. #
• 09:24 Created a safe word for when Chooch gets too rough. Gave it a trial run, said “candy fart” 1500 times & he DIDN’T STOP. Game over. #
• 10:41 Gone < 24 hrs, yet my house is in total disarray. Henry: Strewn Wrapper Potentate, Sovereign of 3021 Rubbish Rd. #
• 11:40 Chooch keeps making me rewind “Making the Band” so he can re-hear the one member’s mom say, “its something DEEP!” I don’t question it. #

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