Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 11:08 Had a dream that Paris Hilton was my bff, but it didn’t change me. Henry goes, “How would it change u? You already think ur a princess.” #
• 11:21 Being the passenger of an Everfresh juice van is not as full of splendor as one might think. #
• 11:22 Almost went thru the windshield. Was going to wish 4 Paris Hilton 2 rescue me but I could very well suffer similar results w/ her, too. #
• 18:19 I have to write a short bio for myself, but after three days all I have is: I suck. #
• 20:26 I’m cooking (baking?) something right now that is going to be so good, ppl will pay for the recipe. And by ppl, I mean emetophiliacs. #
• 20:43 Dear @awoodhick, I believe I owe you a new cookie sheet. Regretfully, @vagynafondue (P.S. & I buy those where?) #
• 23:58 I sold my painting The Birthday Party and I’m sad to see it go. Happy! But still sad. #

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• 07:43 Great. Now I’m afraid of accidentally swallowing a tree bud. #
• 10:36 @saucalisha only until 7pm, and then the Pens game starts! #
• 11:08 My son just thanked me for being cute? Someone took his anti-asshole pill this morning. #
• 13:24 Today I’m compiling a list of all the different ways to say “i hate my life.”
• 15:36 At least there’s a hockey game on tonight. /escape. #
• 18:00 A possible Sunny Day Real Estate reunion?! That could create potential cloud-parting. #
  

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