Guys, I’m panicking. Ever since I read an email at work about FLU SHOT registration, I have started to feel like I’m getting sick. And I can’t get sick because there are haunted houses to run amok through this weekend.
So I’m trying to take it easy at work by not working. (LOL, just kidding. It’s a slow night. And ugh, GLENN is filling in for GAYLE on late shift so that’s annoying. He’s already insulted me 216391874 times, but that’s just fine. I’ll get my revenge.)
This morning I watched the latest Scream Queens episode and I have to say, I have a ton of faith invested in this series. It’s everything I liked about Glee (except for Lea Michele, but I’m learning to tolerate her) and American Horror Story mashed into one edgy television delight. However, I started to hate Glee after awhile, and AHS always finds a way to disappoint me, so I’m trying to not let Ryan Murphy break my heart again.
I also did some painting. I’m trying to force myself out of this rut and I think I’m almost there. Maybe.
Then something alarming happened at work. I got on the elevator to leave the office for my lunch break and I accidentally pressed “4” instead of the lobby. Then some guy got on at 7 and I thought to myself, “OH BOY HE’S IN FOR A SHOCK WHEN THE ELEVATOR STOPS ON 4 AND NO ONE GETS ON.” So I was going to tell him that I accidentally hit the wrong button but then I remembered my allergy to small talk so I said nothing. When the doors opened at 4 and no one got on, he said, “Must be a ghost. Oh well, I guess it’s the right time of the year.”
AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED. I joyfully blurted out, “OCTOBER IS MY FAVORITE MONTH.”
“What, you don’t like October?” I asked sadly.
“Eh, I don’t know. It’s just depressing. Everything starts getting cold…”
“Yeah, but, haunted houses!” I said as the elevator deposited us on the ground floor.
He laughed. “OK, there’s that.”
Now we were walking out of the building together, talking about the creepier side of October.
“I can’t help it, I’m goth at heart,” I said, and he laughed.
By this point we were outside the building. “You know, the best haunted house I’ve ever gone to was in Smithton—”
“RICH’S FRIGHT FARM!” I yelled in tandem, except that his version of “Rich’s Fright Farm” was said in a calm, normal person tone.
I told him about how now they have a new addition where they blindfold you and—
“They blindfold you? No. No, I wouldn’t do that,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Well, you can opt out of that part,” I reassured him.
I mean, I know what you’re thinking at this point: By golly, Erin, take him to the Courthouse already!
But alas, it ended as abruptly as it started, with us waving as we went our separate ways.
Man, that guy gave good small talk. AND I DIDN’T EVEN ASK HIM HIS NAME.
In other Friday Late Shift news, I’m eating squash that Henry roasted for me but he didn’t take the skin off so it looks like I’m eating an actual Gremlin. I mean, it’s still good though, but looking at it kind of makes me gag so I have to close my eyes.
I keep missing my mouth.
Because I’m eating with my eyes closed.
Meanwhile, Henry just texted me from Barnes and Noble. That is this place where BOOKS are sold. How weird and antiquated right? Anyway, they’re there because Chooch is obsessed with YouTubers, all of the YouTubers, YouTube as a whole, but Hannah Hart is one of his favorites (he hijacked my phone once and made me follow her on Instagram) and she’s inspired him to learn how to cook, so he made Henry take him to the book store so that he can buy her My Drunk Kitchen book, which apparently they couldn’t find and had to ask about it, which probably made him feel awesome since he had his nine-year-old son in tow, who, by the way, likes to tell people that his dad is an alcoholic (?!).
(You know which YouTuber I love and it makes Henry so mad? Shannon Taylor / HeyThereImShannon. He will literally walk away if I play her videos. LOLALLTHEWAYHOME.)
[EDIT: Now that I’m home from work, I got the full story, which is that Chooch stood in the middle of the store, saying, “I need help!” and then a B&N employee was like, “What are you looking for?” at which point Chooch said, “My Drunk Kitchen” because that seems like something a 4th grader would want, right? They didn’t have it so the person asked Chooch if he wanted them to order him a copy and he said yes at which point Henry butted in and said, “NO.” Henry was really annoyed while Chooch was telling me this story. “I was like, ‘Hello, talk to me, not the 9-year-old!'” Sounds like someone is just jelly.]
Ew, there are hard parts to my squash that I have to keep spitting out! HENRY, YOU ARE THE WORST. WHERE IS MY 7TH FLOOR SOUL MATE?!
I was helping some dude via email and he told me I’m enlightening AND a lifesaver and Glenn almost puked, but I bet if I showed him my Gremlin-skin squash, he’d puke for real.
The other night, I stupidly let Chooch read one of my short stories. Watching the expressions on his face was priceless and I thought he liked it! But then I mentioned something about how I once was considering putting together a book of “children’s” stories, and he said it was a good thing that I didn’t do that. I asked him why and he shrugged. “I mean, you’re not an author. You would have to get someone good to help you. Like….John Green.”
I cried, “I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR ENGLISH WRITING, YOU ASSHOLE!”
He shrugged again and did that nervous laugh he does when he just finished delivering a piping hot truth stew and now he’s going to try and back-peddle and act like he was just kidding. Nothing like being put in your place by your NINE-YEAR-OLD.
(This is the story I let him read. IT WAS PROBABLY JUST TOO ADVANCED FOR HIM.)
I want to go home and have soup. :(
Ugh, I had other things I was going to say, but: SICK-ISH. So I’m going to spend the rest of my late shift shivering under my blanket. I’ll leave you with two pictures of my OK-ish city that I took yesterday. Now you know what two small parts of my city look like. Wow.
P.S. I just went back and looked at that email again and noticed that “lifesaver” was ITALICIZED — THAT IS HOW MUCH THAT GUY MEANT IT. Doesn’t make me feel any less sick-ish though.