Oct 172015


Pie Eaters:

  • Chris and Monica
  • Angie and Sammy ;)
  • Kelly, Zac, and Judy
  • Steph and Kian
  • Sam + one of her friends and her dad
  • Kara, Harland, and Theo
  • Robbie & Nikki
  • Elizabeth and Rachel
  • Patty and Tim
  • Jackie and Tim
  • John, Jennifer, Hailey, Abby and Gavin
  • Gayle, Lily, and Faithann
  • Maggie, Ivan, Annabelle and Lila
  • Amber and Brian
  • Erin and Brian
  • Amber and Teddy ;)
  • Meggan, Olivia, and Sophia
  • Alex, Kelly, and Finn
  • Elaina, Lena and Evey
  • Alisa-and-Cara-4ever
  • Rob and Nancy
  • Sandy, Ben, Elena, and Zoe
  • Janna
  • Shawn, Jess, and Anais
  • Sean
  • Wendy, Shawn and Summer ;)
  • Lisa, Matt, and Gigi

OK, trying to not be too cheesy (quichey if we’re keeping with a pie theme?) here, but maybe my favorite thing about the pie party MIGHT be the people. I know, it’s crazy to think about. There are actually some people I like! The entire afternoon was like a perfect pie filled with all the various berries in my life: work berries, childhood berries, Internet berries, family berries…this is like a rejected inspirational poster. I need to watch Faces of Death a few times and then come back and finish writing this because I’m clearly losing my identity.


My  favorite thing to do is take pictures at my parties when people aren’t prepared because I love the somber faces juxtaposed with background festivities.


In this picture, I like to imagine that Gayle’s granddaughter is including “I dunno, some strange party for pies?” in a Snapchat story.

(I still don’t like Snapchat.)



My favorite part of the pie party, and this made Henry roll his eyes and groan, was when Tim came over and asked me how Riot Fest was. I must have lit up like a red light district in Amsterdam because no one ever wants me to talk about Riot Fest, let alone broaches the subject on their own! THANK YOU, TIM.

Sigh. Riot Fest.

I miss you.


I just reunited with Angie a week ago, and I was so stoked that she arrived near the beginning of the party and stay for most of the afternoon! And her dog Sammy was freaking adorable. Chooch “won” him in a bet but Sammy was like, “Nope, I go nowhere with the pink-haired kid.” Smart dog! And in the background of the picture, you can see Nikki and Robbie, Judy, and then at the next table, Rob and Nancy. I have known Rob on the Internet for at least nine years, back in the LiveJournal days. We’ve definitely gotten to know each other better through Facebook though, and I was happy that he and his wife finally made it to a pie party! They brought an apple pie pizza, and you know how I love unconventional and creative pies!


Alisa announced their arrival by slapping my ass when I was fluffing the pie table (looks matter to me, OK? I’m just naturally a very vain person); it scared the fuck out of me and I experienced a split second of anger because I couldn’t imagine who…but then it was just Cara and Alisa and I felt relieved. I don’t see these two broads nearly enough and every time there’s a party happening so I can’t talk to them as much as I would like, which is why we’re going to go out soon, RIGHT GUYS?

Also, if you’re ever in the market for a tutu or other kid accessories, you might want to check out Alisa’s Totally2TooCute Facebook page!


Here we have Gayle demonstrating how everyone looks at me at work. (Except BARB – she only ever looked at me with dire reverence, adoration, and awe.)

(Except for one time when she was in a mean mood and got snippy with me when I said I didn’t want to be in charge of the fall food fest we were having that month at work and her biting words made me cry so I went into Wendy’s office and said, “Why is Barb being such a BITCH today!?” and then Barb found out she upset me and began repenting, much like Gayle when she forgot my last birthday.)


I hate it when Henry to talks to people and I don’t know what’s being said!


Tim and Jackie looking adorable with Bambi Sickafoose. This was my first time meeting Tim and he has some strong Henry-esque qualities, one being that he was able to endure a table full of girls talking about boys and dating, while still quietly enjoying his pie.


When Wendy arrived, every person from The Law Firm dropped their forks and engulfed her because BABY SUMMER > pie.


In a shocking twist, Henry wore a shirt in a color not invented by a 2-year-old mixing together all the paints in a $5 watercolor palette. Also, I know for a fact that in this picture, Henry was talking to Sandy and Alex about the Pittsburgh Blogger Cookie Exchange they both roped me into joining by pointing out that it’s not like I’m going to be baking any of the cookies anyway, and I was like, “Good point guys, sure, I’ll join!” and then my next conversation was with Henry, letting him know that he will need to make 6 dozen cookies at some point in December.

6 dozen totally doesn’t seem like a lot.

“Yeah, but you’re going to pick some ridiculous cookie that costs a fortune to make, I know it,” Henry grumbled. This is probably very likely to happen. Stay tuned, I guess?


Monica thinks she ruined this picture of Chris and Amber2‘s baby Teddy, but I think she adds a certain je ne sais quoi to it.


Kara, Elizabeth, and Sandy’s backs are all in this photo and I’m angry with myself because there is not one picture of their faces from that day. I’m not as good as shoving my camera in people’s grills as I used to be.


SEAN CAME TO THE PIE PARTY! I haven’t seen him in a hot minute, and all the Law Firm people were stoked on his appearance.  Here he is posing with Amber1 and her boyfriend Brian who I just met for the first time and already like him a lot because Amber taught him how to gush over me and we all know those are the kind of people I like best. FAN ME WITH YOUR INVISIBLE PALMS, PEOPLE.


This is the scene where Angie uses Connect Four to teach my nine-year-old how to gamble.


I love everything about this picture, but mostly that the FAMOUS CHERRY PIE is nearly devoured in the forefront. That pie.

That goddamn pie.


Anyway. Now that I’ve changed into a dry shirt, the girl all the way to the right in the photo arrived earlier in the day with her dad and I was thinking to myself, “OMG some random people FINALLY took my Instagram and Twitter invitations seriously and showed up! This is fucking fantastic! The pie party is famous! I hope they don’t have chainsaws behind their backs!”

But no, it was just a friend of Henry’s niece Sam, who wasn’t there yet.  Her dad was extremely friendly and started asking me all of these questions about the pie party.

“So, is this for a fundraiser?”


“Are you selling the pies?”

“No…” (BUT MAYBE!? I could use some extra concert ticket cash….)

“So…it’s just for people to eat pie?”


“Oh wow, that is an excellent idea!”

He was literally DELIGHTED about this. It was pretty adorable. I told him he was welcome to grab a plate, but he said he was going to come back. That’s what they all say. And actually, they usually do now that I think about it. I had a Cure party once, I think it was in 2000, when the Cure was nominated for a Grammy (they lost, because fuck the Grammy’s) and I invited some guy who was walking past my house. He said he had to go and buy cigarettes but that he would come back.


I have no idea what his name even was, but I have a picture of him in one of my photo albums. So, it happened.

Anyway, much like Cigarette Boy, Sam’s Friend’s Dad came back later, with a pumpkin pie! Holy shit, pie is like the best social device ever.


Henry never sword fights this gently with me.



Ladies and gentlemen, Wendy’s pink shoes.


Wendy and Teddy and Leopold. If you don’t know who Leopold is, then just go away. Go. I don’t want to know you.


Robbie and Nikki, baker of the truly amaze blackberry cream cheese jalapeno baby pies. Also, super cute couple! They came to visit us a few weeks ago and while we sat around drinking fancy beer that I could kind of swallow without too much of a grimace, I realized that in some ways, their relationship has the dynamics of a young Henry and Erin. The good dynamics though, don’t worry. Otherwise, what an insult!


Look at this adorable family! I’m so glad that Matt and Lisa managed to swing by toward the end of the day, because it was Gigi’s birthday and we all sang happy birthday to her! (Well, technically I lip-synced because I hate singing Happy Birthday.)

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It always makes me so happy to see so many of my favorite people from different areas of my life colliding under the pretense of pie. I know so many of my friends have really busy lives, and the fact that they make an effort to stop by for these things doesn’t go unnoticed by me. For instance, I had no idea that my good old friend Shawn (a/k/a Wonka) was planning on making the treacherous trek to the Vortex in the South, otherwise known as South Park.  He brought his girlfriend Jess and his daughter Anais, who was wearing the cutest cat sweatshirt ever and I want one in my dumb size.

Also, Chooch has been hanging out a lot recently with these twins he’s known since first grade. They come to all of his birthday parties, but then over the summer, their mom started contacting me to set up play dates, and you guys, after being a parent for nine years, this is the first time I have ever associated with a school mom! I mean, in a positive manner, that is. (Catholic School clusterfuck, never forget.) I have been very tentative about this because I am so afraid of other moms not liking me and then not wanting their kids to hang out with Chooch. (I’m not kidding, the shit that went down at that Catholic school gave me a real tight complex.) But, I invited Meggan and the girls to the pie party and they came and I was happy to get to talk a little bit with her!

This was a pretty huge deal for me. I even told her that she was the first mom I became friends with on Facebook and she was pretty surprised.

I think I’m getting better at this parenting thing.

Nine years in.


The Budding Bromance. I was so happy that Wendy brought her husband Shawn with her because Henry needs friends. Shawn is really good at building things and I kind of want them to start a We Can Make Shit For You business together but then when would Henry have time to make the shit that I want him to make?

So, just forget it.

I kept trying to snag a photo of them together, but Henry’s not (always) stupid and foiled my mission every time.

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Jess and Angie, a new friendship forged while eating pie! If that’s not heartwarming then you truly are a sociopath.

But you can still come to the next pie party! I don’t discriminate.


Monica always wears the most apropos t-shirts. Also, one of my favorite moments was when Chooch screamed, “Chris! Monica tried to stab me with a knife!” Those two are the poster children for Frenemies, so much so that when Chooch found out he’s invited to Chris and Monica’s wedding, he mumbled, “Does Monica know? I’m surprised she let that happen.”

I think they should do a comedy together. Something like Curly Sue. I could see them joining forces and being shrewd scam artists, with lots of hilarious bickering in between. And probably someone dies at the end.


And what’s a pie party without missing children? Some kids are just too good at hide and seek. Don’t worry, everyone was found at the end of the day.

I don’t think a single one of us managed to avoid falling into a deep pie coma that day.


  3 Responses to “The Triumphant Return of the Pie Party: Pie Eaters”

  1. My heart hurts from not being able to go.

    I was going to say that you should Snapchat more but then I remembered you send me CLOWNS, so no. Stay away from Snapchat.

  2. OMG is Gayle holding Pringles at a Pie Party? The mind boggles.

    “one being that he was able to endure a table full of girls talking about boys and dating, while still quietly enjoying his pie.”

    Yes, yes. That is the kind of guest you want at such an event.

    “Jess and Angie, a new friendship forged while eating pie!”

    Those are the kinds of friendships that last forever. And by the way, the shots you took with all that late afternoon sunlight are fantastic. Such a great use of light.

    • She is! My friend Sandy brought some pie palate-cleansers with her, such as chips and a veggie platter. It was a good thing too because sometimes you need something salty after eating all that sugar!

      And thank you for the compliments on the photos! I actually took some time to adjust the settings on my camera. I admit that I do that rarely because I’m too impatient!

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