Jan 232017


We had a lowkey supplemental baby shower here on Sunday for Nikki and Rob, mainly so that Henry’s side of the family could have a chance to, you know, shower them with baby gifts. As you do at a baby shower. My mom and Janna also came and it was a nice little party!

Except that Henry left me alone with the streamers beforehand. Why does it seem like streamers were pulled straight from Satan’s asshole? I have never had a good experience with them, ever! Those crepey pieces of frustration push me right to the edge every time. And on this particular go-around, I FELL OFF A CHAIR trying to hang them up along the window!

Turns out Drew is terrified of balloons, but luckily she didn’t have to see them all day because she was too busy hiding from the other things she’s terrified of: strangers in her house.


These are the streamers that almost killed me! ^^

I don’t even know how it happened. I literally tripped over myself as I tried to step off the chair I was standing on and as I began my descent toward the hardwood floor, my foot caught the lip of the seat and then it was two of us falling. I landed all along my left side and have some great bruises today. I think this is Karma for last week at work when Lauren asked James from the mailroom how his back is doing and then I sarcastically asked, “Oh yeah, how’s your back James?” in that shitty little tone I get that I swear happens because I become possessed by a grade school bully.

As the day progressed today, I kept discovering new parts of myself that hurt. Fucking streamers.


Ugh more streamers. LOOK AT HOW ADEPT I AM AT HANGING THEM FROM A THING! At least I didn’t have to stand on a chair for that one.


It was a very laidback affair. Nikki just had her main shower last weekend and I just wanted her to be able to relax, eat some random Korean food, and open presents. NO GAMES!

(In all honesty though, I did briefly consider devising some type of Change Chooch’s Diaper game.)

One of our gifts to them was a set of Dance Gavin Dance onesies. As soon as they told us they’re having The Twins, the first thing I thought of was, “OMG, Downtown Battle Mountain 1 and Downtown Battle Mountain 2 onesies!” IT’S A DGD THING YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.


No but seriously, those are the names of two of the DGD albums that Jonny Craig sang on, and since they’re both JC fans, I thought it would be cool. Henry literally waited so long to make them, that Robbie and Nikki were DOWNSTAIRS when he finished ironing the things on. Ugh. I hate how last minute his sorry ass is!

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Henry made these really delicious cucumber tea sandwiches which also had avocado and alfalfa sprouts. We thought for sure no one would eat them, but the whole platter was devoured, THEY WERE SO GOOD. I think they’ll be a new party staple. I also conned him into making a tray of kimbap and we had a small tower of chapssaltteok because this is my life now and I’m not trying to PUSH MY NEW BELIEFS on anyone, but I still wanted to add a little Eastern flava to the snack spread, and surprisingly, even JUDY liked the kimbap and most of the chapssaltteok was eaten too. I love when my SUBTLE attempts to infiltrate my lifestyle choices onto others is a success.

Unlike the time I tried to get people to start tying scarves around their ankles.


Whatever, I thought it looked great. Maybe I’ll start doing it again.



chapssaltteok chapssaltteok

gunghabi uri uri gunghabi

Henry needs to learn to make his own.


And what’s a soiree without a cake from Zia Desserts? Kaitlin’s mad baking skills were met with rave reviews as usual. She is insane. (The swans are an inside thing between Rob and Nikki and Kaitlin knocked it out of the park with her sculpting skills!)


Chooch wanted to play Catchphrase and I was all, “NO THIS ISN’T GAME NIGHT” but then Nikki said, “Yeah, I’ll play Catchphrase!” because she is desperate for Chooch’s affections, so Chooch shot me a smug “ha ha” smirk that looked suspiciously familiar until I realized I was practically looking in a mirror. Ugh I love/hate how much alike we are!

I opted out, but sat on the floor and watched everyone crash and burn BECAUSE THEY NEEDED ME TO KEEP THAT GAME AFLOAT. I’m so good at Catchphrase, it’s almost gross. (Not as good as I am at Scattergories though. That game was pretty much invented for assholes like me.) It was during this time that Nikki learned what bukkake is (no one wanted to say it out loud with Old People nearby so she had to google it and the expression on her face as the knowledge cascaded down upon her in sticky drips was the highlight of the day for me, for sure.

This topic arose from trying to explain gwiyomi. Which is basically the most innocent thing in the world. 

Also, can we take a moment to admire how adorable Nikki is!? I did not look even remotely “ok” or “semi-presentable” when I was pregnant. I looked like I had another person growing from under my chin, not just my stomach. Nikki looks so great!


Underwear model.

Everyone left around 6 (some football game was on, I guess), but Henry’s kids and their ladies stayed for an impromptu after-party and it was so much fun! We talked about Korea and music and old times and Korea and the fact that they’re all going to be parents super soon and then we circled back to Korea.


Baby Shower After Party: Blake and Robbie enthralled with Bigbang videos while Haley checks her phone for the time and begins to question reality.

(I think Blake’s bias is Taeyang, btw.)

Henry said that Blake and Robbie were only watching all of my videos because they were hammered. WHATEVER HENRY. Honestly though, poor Nikki and Haley were like, “Now we’re the designated drivers, too?!” Nothing like being pregnant and watching people drink.



Now I regret not coming up with a shower game that required smearing Butt Paste on Henry’s beard.

Oh well! We have another shower coming up soon so I can rectify that.

Can’t wait to meet these babies when they get here!!

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