Aug 102018

Yeah boi, it’s Friday (I was going to type Friyay just to be a douchebag but I was afraid you’d think I was serious as I type this while wearing a BUT FIRST COFFEE ringer tee) so let’s pull some five things out a hat and call it a day.

  1. My Broken Calf

Remember sometime last week when I was like “I broke my calf”? No? YOU MEAN YOU DON’T READ ALL THESE POSTS? Don’t worry, I don’t either – that’s why they’re so jacked up! Anyway, I hurt my calf somehow, not because I’m a lunatic when it comes to exercising, oh no. It was one of those things where I was like, “Maybe it just needs to stretch it out or something” and then I kept doing all the things I normally do because I’m a fucking fool. I spent a whole week trying to hide my limp at work, and I almost had to roll myself out of several rides at Kennywood because my calf was so taut. Anyway, I thought I was healed (why, I don’t know, because I certainly hadn’t rested it at all) but then Saturday night, Chooch and I were waiting to cross the street and then some lady was like “Even though I have the right of way and you guys don’t have the walk sign, I’m going to be a sweetheart and let you cross while I hold up traffic” which she communicated by waving us along. It was one of those things where we were both delayed in our reactions, so when Chooch and I went to step off the curb, she started to turn into us, and this went on three times until the car behind her started to blow on the horn so I screamed RUNNNN and we ran across the street but when I pushed off with my left foot, I tweaked that son-of-a-bitchin’ muscle all over again and it’s a wonder I made it to the other side of the road, like the gimpiest Punchline Chicken ever.

Nevertheless, I continued walking – we were walking to the Dormont post office to drop off some Hello Hanguk cards – and it didn’t feel great but oh well.

This has nothing to do with my calf, but on our way to the post office, keep in mind it’s night time, Henry said, “Oh hey look” and pointed to a window of a shop we were walking past. When I turned to look, I was FACE TO FACE with a mannequin head, but like, the kind from the 50s or 60s that have makeup on. I don’t know why it shocked me so much, but I screamed SO LOUD, the type of scream I would usually reserve for when I’m being an asshole at a haunted house, and THAT actually scared Henry and Chooch. My heart was actually racing, lol.

OK back to my calf.

The next day I think I limped all around town, but I swear it felt OK that night, so I shoved the coffee table out of the way to prepare for Kpop Family Cardio Night, and approximately 10 seconds into the firsts song, my calf was like, “Oh hunny, no” and that is how I ended up crumbled into a heap of writhing Fat Girl on the floor while Henry said things like, “I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN” and “GOOD FOR YOU” and “WHEN WILL YOU LEARN” and “WHEN I WAS IN THE SERVICE, THIS HAPPENED TO EDDIE WHEN HE WAS FLEEING FROM THE PANAMANIAN FAMILY AFTER ACCIDENTALLY MURDERING THEIR PET DUCK.”

When Henry said he was going to go to CVS  to get me an ace bandage, I asked him if he was walking and when he said yes, I said, “OK I’LL COME TOO!” He was just like, “Are you kidding me?!” but then sighed deeply and we embarked on the slowest walk to CVS because I literally couldn’t put any pressure on my left leg. First, I tried hopping there on my right leg but that gets tiring after awhile. Then I tried to get Henry to carry me and he was like, “What do I look like, a fork lift” but then I realized that if I walked in a sideways shuffle, I could walk without yelping in pain!

While we were in CVS, “Eye in the Sky” by Alan Parsons Project came on and I always get super somber when I hear that because it brings back weird memories of my birth dad that I’m not even sure are real?! So now I had a broken calf and weird maybe-memories making me look like someone who had jumped out of an asylum window and stopped at CVS for an ace bandage and candy bar.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Penelope looking totally concerned as Henry wraps my leg. Also, ignore the table in the background. That’s Henry’s fake-Hallmark factory.

Me, after he wrapped my ankle: “I’M CURED!”

Me, after I took it off before bed: *takes a step and collapses*

2. Stupid Lunch Date With Stupid Henry

Henry and I had Saturday afternoon to ourselves because Chooch went to some nerd convention at the library. First, we went to two asian markets that we’ve never shopped at before asian markets are the premiere places to get amazing produce, if you didn’t know. More on that later though. We decided to also go on a lunch date, I guess that’s what that was, and this is how we learned that every restaurant we wanted to try in Bloomfield was closes early and if there’s one thing I despise, it’s a restaurant that closes early. The one place has a big open window and one of the workers was sitting near it, so when we walked past, I yelled ASSHOLE! except that it was more of a whisper-scream and Henry thought this was like, so funny, and wouldn’t stop laughing about it and that just made me more mad.

Anyway, we ended up at Station, which is not somewhere I had ever considered eating at before because I was always under the impression that it was super non-veg friendly, but the menu posted outside said that they had VEGAN SLOPPY JOES. I was like, “I’m in” and that was that.

Since it was an odd hour (after 2pm), it was just us, another couple, and some lonely guy at the bar. I love empty restaurants like no other, you guys. You have no idea the anxiety I get right before walking into a restaurant. I always feel like Pee Wee walking into that biker bar, except that I can promise you I’m not going to win over the skeptics by doing the Big Shoe dance to Tequila on the bar.

I felt super comfortable here, we had a great waitress, my sloppy joe was on a delicious roll, and the FRIES WERE AMONG THE BEST FRIES I HAVE HAD. Like, every fry was a Good One! I didn’t have to exchange any with Henry!

And then we shared a lavender pound cake for lunch-dessert! And we got along! I think Henry and I have an OK relationship, you guys. It would be even better if he would just commit to taking us to Holiday World for god’s sake.

3. My Favorite Song of the Week

YG is killing it this year.  This is hands down my favorite thing that Ikon has released and I’m really stoked for them. YG Entertainment will always be #1 in my heart and getting to see their building when we were in Korea was a dream! There’s a shitload of talent inside those walls.

4. Good Goddamn Vegetables!

One of the things I love about Pittsburgh (and there are not many things I love about this city) is that we have so many amazing ethnic markets. I have become obsessed with breadfruit ever since we had it at the Caribbean festival a few weeks ago and I found out that an asian market in Wilkinsburg sells it. We also got cassava and barrata, which I was practically peeing my pants over. Look, when your diet consists of like 90% fruits and vegetables, you’d be excited to add some new shit to the repertoire as well. When Henry was checking out, the older asian woman asked, “Do you know these?” and when we said yes, she happily said, “Oh! That’s good!” I felt so proud! Then I posted a picture on Instagram of some our newly acquired vegetables and this caused confusion and disgust because:

  • This is America!
  • Vegetables are broccoli and carrots!
  • Probably from a bag!
  • From the back of a freezer!

But whatever, veggie-haters, I was in heaven! And this is the exotic bowl I feasted on that weekend:

Granted, gochujang makes everything taste good, but the cassava and barrata were great additions to Henry’s Korean noodle bowl, and then he fried some plantains and breadfruit with some rice syrup for dessert and I was like, “Pappap, thank you for sending this man to take care of me.” Honestly, I would still be eating food bought from gas stations if I hadn’t meant him, probably.

Also, I don’t have a sesame seed problem, sesame seeds have an Erin problem.

Speaking of asian markets, the second one we went to was a Korean market and the two ladies working there were so sweet and helpful and gave us both a free Binch (a type of cookie) when we were checking out. And I got my 바나나 우유 fix and while it was velvety and delicious, it just wasted the same as sipping it from a cute little barrel in Korea. :(

On the train to Busan!

5. A Week of Train Derailments

Speaking of trains, Pittsburgh was CURSED last week. First, that stupid Thomas the Tank Engine train at Kennywood derailed twice on two separate days. Then on Sunday, a REAL train derailed and seven cars landed on the Station Square trolley tracks and I have not been able to shake the fact that this could have been so fucking tragic and devastating had it happened at any other time — but thank god, NO ONE WAS HURT. The train cars that fell were carrying household products, things like Listerine and cat food, but nothing toxic, and NO ONE happened to be standing there and no trolleys were passing by at that moment.

Image result for station square train derailment


Related image


I get chills every time I look at these pictures or even think about it happening. What a nightmare. Of course, Monday’s commute was absolutely jacked because the alternate route was also affected at first and the Port Authority had to scramble and employ the use of shuttle buses. I was getting mad because Janna was complaining about it and I was like THEY ARE DOING THE BEST THAT THEY CAN, THIS IS NOT THEIR FAULT and you know that’s something, when I stick up for the Port Authority! But really, they are like the local heroes of the week. I read that a ton of their of their employees came to work on their day off to help with the shuttle buses, and whoever runs their Twitter account is spunky AF. They posted a picture of the trolley tracks after all of the train cars had been removed and their caption was “Gotta be honest. Station Square Station, you look like you’ve been hit by a train.”


My commute is a little bit longer now while they work on repairing all the tracks and power lines that were demolished, but I can’t be too mad because at least I don’t have to take a bus, and AT LEAST NO ONE WAS HURT.



Well, I intended this to be more riveting, but my days have been mostly: work, begging Henry to take me to Holiday World*, Korean dramas, and making fun of the church carnival which started on Wednesday. What a summer.

*(The other night, Henry lost it and said, “I love you but you are REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES.” Wow. This was a separate outburst from the time last weekend at Target when he told me that he sometimes can’t believe I’m as old as I am, and this may or may not have been because I was publicly pouting about wanting to go to Holiday World. Look, when something is on my radar, I WILL FIXATE AND FOCUS until I get on my own nerves.)


OMG WAIT! I have an extra story for you, the hidden track of Friday Five, if you will.

Hidden Track: The DGD Interaction

Yesterday when I was about to go back in my building after my lunch break walk, I noticed a young guy leaning against the wall and he was wearing a Dance Gavin Dance shirt! I was just about to hang up with Henry when I blurted out, “Some guy is wearing a DGD shirt—I MUST TALK TO HIM, BYE” and I’m sure Henry was so glad he wasn’t there to witness me faking like I know how to talk to other humans. But I honestly had to say something because unless I’m at a show (and I’m rarely at shows anymore), I never see anyone just causally strolling around town with a DGD shirt on.

So I go up to this guy who is scrolling through his phone, and I urgently say, “I just had to tell you that DGD is one of my favorite bands, and I never see anyone wearing their shirts.”

Instead of being creeped out by this scene-elder invading his space, he smiled and said, “Well, I have to tell you that no one ever tells me they like them too!” and then we talked about how they’re not coming to Pittsburgh on their upcoming tour, and he said, “Where have you seen them, Mr Smalls?” and I was glad he answered his question for me because I was starting to blank and I realized that it’s been SO LONG since I’ve actually listened to DGD (or anything English for that matter) that if he started asking me detailed questions I would probably have to run away. I even forgot at that moment what my favorite album and song were!

I haven’t even bought their latest record yet! I’m awful! Maybe I will do that tomorrow.

Say it don't spray it.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.