Sep 232018

Here is a lazy day bullet-point round-up. Remember when I used to write real blog posts? ME EITHER.

  • Chooch texted me the other day with the best news ever: BROOKLINE AMATEUR CAR MECHANIC IS MOVING! This is the guy who lives on the other side of Hot Naybor Chris so in a perfect world, I shouldn’t have beef with him but we all share a big driveway between the houses and he takes up 75% of it with his collection of junkmobiles that he obsessively monkey-wrenches. Is that even a thing? I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE. The point is, he has only lived here for three years and has successfully usurped more than his fair share ALSO HE IGNORES ME WHEN I SAY HELLO and I am the motherfucking OG of this street so he can get fucked, basically is what I’m trying to summarize here for you in case you don’t feel like clicking that linky-link up there. But yeah, it’s true! I came home from work on Thursday and there was a U-Haul in the driveway and now he and his dumb wife and baby-child are gonezo! See ya never, assholes!
    • I asked Henry if he thinks that now he will be able to regain his bromance status with HNC but of course Henry barked, “WE DID NOT HAVE A BROMANCE” but come on, you can’t tell me that he wasn’t bothered, not even a little bit, when this mechanic d-bag moved in and started drinking brewskis with HNC. “WE ARE NOT REALLY FRIENDS OK WE ARE JUST NEIGHBORS AND IF I SEE HIM I SAY HELLO. YOU ARE READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS” except if Henry was typing that, “too” would have been “to” so this was not a very authentic dialogue recap.
      • Speaking on HNC, he made a cameo photobomb in this picture!!

I sent it to my friend Alyson straightaway because she is one of the few people who understands the greatness of HNC. Immediately she wanted to know what he was doing lurking by the garbage and I guessed that maybe he was taking inventory in case his garbage is stolen again!

  • This is a very thing to feel inadequate about, but I was thinking recently that I wish I drank more. Almost all of my friends are super into beer and I struggled for years to acquire a taste for it. I did eventually get to the point where I can finish one glass/bottle if I put forth my best effort, but the truth is, I just don’t really care much for drinking. I guess I should be proud of that fact but at the same time, I want to “fit in” more with my friends who are all about going to breweries and getting excited for this season’s pumpkin beers. But I can think of a million other things I would rather do than sit in a fucking uppity brewhouse or get pushed around at a craft beer festival. I think I have to just finally admit defeat and accept my fate as a (mostly) non-drinker. Like that’s a bad thing or something.
  • LOOK AT MY NEW SHOWER CURTAIN. It will be here next week, and I can’t wait:
  • Can we talk about gray hairs for a minute? I know I’m at that point in my life where I should be freaking out because I’m certainly not young anymore, and look, I’m not blind: I see you staring at the gray hairs on top of my head when we’re talking and it takes everything in my power to not scream MY EYES ARE DOWN HERE. But fuck dying my hair, man! I know that for many people, going to the salon is a treat and it’s relaxing, etc. But I never really liked it because it was like 2-3 hours out of my day that I could be doing something more productive, more fun, more my speed. I do not like sitting! That’s why I can’t even write blog posts in one sitting anymore! I need to move. I started getting gray hairs in my late 20s and I always blamed motherhood on that because Chooch was such a wild child, lol. But I was consistently going to the salon back then and getting highlights so they were never noticeable. Now they are and I don’t care about that at all but it seems like everyone else does and it’s really bizarre to me, like why is the color of my hair so distracting?! Aside from that and the fact that every tiny ache I get these days makes me panic (last week I was convinced I had an air bubble in my carotid artery and that my hip is breaking), I still feel eternally young. I still get excited about things. Dumb shit still makes me laugh. I still make lists of all the haunted houses I want to go to. I still have schoolgirl crushes and maniacal obsessions. And most importantly, I still have a shit-ton of energy, probably even more than I did in my 20s. So who cares about age and some gray hairs?! It’s so weird to me!
  • I use this app called Job Spotter where you submit pictures of help wanted signs for points, and then you can cash in the points for an Amazon gift card. Each point you get is the equivalent of one cent, and the average submission can be between 60-90 points, and I’ve even had some that were over 100! It sounds like a stupid thing, but for as much walking around I do, it gives me a mission, you know? I finally cashed in my points and I was so excited, but then I pissed around for weeks because I am so non-committal when it comes to shopping. There wasn’t anything that I super needed at that time, and I kept adding and removing things from the cart. I was using Henry’s Amazon account because he has Prime, and one day he said, “Your CosRX face wash will be here today,” and I said, “But I didn’t order anything yet?” Apparently, there was a price drop and he was tired of me pussy-footing around so he just ordered it – HOW FUCKING SWEET OF HIM! Then I realized that we’re always getting so much enjoyment out of watching Drew run through the tunnel we got her for Christmas last year, so I decided to look for an upgrade, and I found this cute tunnel/tent doohickey (see below), so I hurried up and bought it with my gift card, and that’s how I realized that I actually do have the ability to be selfless, in spite of all the times throughout my life people have told me that I only care about myself! It was due to be delivered last Sunday, and I was so antsy, looking out the front door every ten minutes, asking Henry to check the delivery updates, finally demanding that we leave the house for awhile because I needed to get my mind off of it, and then finally that evening it was there on the porch! DREW LOVES IT! Penelope won’t go in it but we never expected her to.

  • Oooh, I just found out that Henry is making jjajangmyeon for dinner and I am so excited that I got up and did a weird fake cheerleader kick-thing and now I’m worried about my hip again.
  • I was watching a video of these people in some adult ball-pit in Korea and immediately pictured Henry doing an awkward belly-flop in it, and then I had terrible flashbacks to feeling like I was going to drown in the Chuck E Cheese ball pits when I was a kid and so I recounted that feeling to Henry, that helpless “running-in-place” sensation as your socked-feet slid against the slippery pit-lining, the inevitable chin-smack off the balls (LOL, what a visual) and Henry said, “I don’t know about any of that. We didn’t have ball-pits when I was a kid.” WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME!? Henry is so old, lol (says the person who was just jawing off a few bullets back about how age doesn’t matter, god I love myself).
  • Chooch had to do another stupid “All About Me” poster for school because he has the same communications teacher again much to all of our chagrin, and I was so touched that he used a quote from Taemin!!

  • I just want everyone to know that I Retweeted a video clip of Taemin on Twitter and BARB replied that he is truly one gorgeous young man. I THINK BARB HAS ONE FOOT ON THE KPOP WAGON.  Don’t worry, I’ll keep working on her.
  • Stupid mechanic neighbor was back today getting more stuff out of the house and I super-loudly and passive-aggressively said to Henry, “I CAN’T WAIT TO NOT SAY GOODBYE TO THAT PERSON JUST LIKE HE NEVER SAID HELLO TO ME IN THE LAST THREE YEARS” and Henry gave me the “Why are you like this?” frown.
  • Today on our walk, I told Henry that I think I’m super underrated and he was like OMG this is why you have no friends.
    • Somewhere, Janna is nodding.
  • Last Friday night, Chooch was looking at one of my paintings and said he only knew Nigel Lithgow from So You Think You Can Dance, and Jeffrey Dahmer. So I was naming the rest of them and when he said he didn’t know who Barbra Streisand was, I knew at that moment that I had failed him as a mom so we stopped everything and I made him watch Babs videos and then Babs and Barry Gibbs, and Chooch was like, “I HAVE NOT HEARD OF ANY OF THESE SONGS, SORRY” and then I was like “WHAT ABOUT ANDY GIBB” and that’s why when Henry came home from the store, he looked horrified because apparently you could hear Everlasting Love from across the street and Chooch was like, “I tried to stop her” and I was jumping around scream-singing and yammering about the time Janna and I were blasting that song in her car and I got out at a red light in the middle of Liberty Avenue downtown and started dancing to it and guys on the sidewalk were like YEAH GIRL and Janna screamed, “GET BACK IN THE CAR ERIN BEFORE PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE A PROSTITUTE” and we both just recently agreed that it was the funniest nights ever, sorry I guess you had to be there.
    • Speaking of Chooch, he got sucked into a new k-drama I’m watching, “Devilish Joy,” and Henry is all downtrodden about it because we started watching it without him so NOW HE DOESN’T WANT TO WATCH IT ALL! But then he sat down last night and started watching it, so.
      • My goal is that Chooch will be inspired to dress like chaebol sons. But considering he thought he could go to school wearing too-small pants with a hole on the crotch the other day, I think it may take more than one drama.
  • And now for the most important bullet of them: FUCK BRETT KAVANAUGH. And fuck all the spineless piece of shit Republicans who are going to make sure he still gets sworn in.

Well guys, I just have to make it through this work week and then it’s an ALL KPOP WEEKEND! Grateful for things to look forward to, always. <3

  One Response to “On the Bullet Train to “Get to the Point” Town.”

  1. It’s still hysterical months and months later!!!

Say it don't spray it.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.