“…and I’ll be 65 and retired,” Henry was saying.
I laughed. “You? Retired? You’ll never get to retire. We’ll be living in a goddamned porta potty by then.”
“Oh please. Like you’ll even still be with me then. You’ll be 40 and flirting with younger guys. Whore.”
It’s funny because it’s true.
And then Chooch was talking about the ice cream shop he supposedly opened “down by Giant Eagle,” and Henry goes, “What do you say to your customers? ‘I hate you, what do you want?'”
Chooch paused in consideration and then said, “Yeah. Douchebag.”
What is it with kids opening up restaurants/food places. My big one is opening a restaurant called “Darralicious” which will serve a very limited menu of things he would never eat. The little one is opening a bakery/coffee house called “Indiana Scones” so he can get black & white cookies and latte whenever he wants.
I can so see Chooch as the Scoop Nazi. “I HATE you!” No scoop for you!”
(I’m around, reading faithfully, commenting barely. Computer went boom at home and I can only read at the job center now because I owe billions in fines at the library.)
Darralicious! I love that.
Kids are weird. It’s one of my favorite things about being a mom now, these little observations and wondering, “Where the hell did that come from?” Like the mocking thing. How do kids know how to do that??? It’s like he just woke up one day and KNEW that it would be super fucking annoying to repeat everything I say.
I like pretending (OK, maybe it’s not too much of a stretch) that I’m stupid just to watch how he reacts. He gets SO IRRITATED, like, “Why are you being so stupid??? Everyone knows that’s a SQUARE not a TRIANGLE!” and then he scoffs so perfectly.
Kids! Never thought I’d say this, but I kinda love ’em!