Still trying to be a dutiful greeting card pimp, so today, let’s ohh and ahh over another set of Valentines! I’m still really proud of the Golden Girls Valentine collection, and I wanted to give them some love on this blog by….reposting what I wrote last year…and the year before…because let’s be real, I love these cards but not enough to write a brand new script for them!
I couldn’t sleep one night and I was thinking, “How can I further expand my card line/release some of this psychotic energy that’s keeping me awake?” And then I wondered if the Golden Girls would be a good fit with the serial killers and vintage porn stars of noncomposcards and you guys, I think it’s a good fit. I mean, someone bought two GG cards and a porn star set so…
I know I’m not alone in deriving great comfort from Golden Girls reruns. Like so many others, I grew up on this show in the 80s. Of course, back then, it was way too “adult” for me, and most of it went way over my head, but I still watched it because I loved Rose and her St. Olaf tales and Dorothy’s relationship with her mom and Blanche was always GOALS. I used to sleep over my grandparents house on Saturday nights and it honestly feels like yesterday when I would sit on the couch next to my Grandma, wearing some old oversized beer t-shirt as a nightgown, watching The Golden Girls and Empty Nest. (And Hunter but was that on Fridays? I only ever watched Hunter at my grandparents house.)
Very little in life has felt more comfortable and warm to me than those childhood Saturday nights on Gillcrest Drive.
I think like there are a lot of people who can relate to this!
Funny story – one time many moons ago I sent Henry to the video rental place down the street and made him ask the guy in the back for Revolutionary War porn, so he was already flustered about that, and then he turned around and accidentally knocked over an entire rack of pornos, cutting his knuckle in the process and to this day I still refer it as The Porn Wound. He gets so mad.
Now you know something about me! Well, about my boyfriend.
The backs are cute AF, IMO.
Literally, not once in this Valentine promotion series have I had presentable nails. I’M SORRY, YOU GUYS. I’m hideous.
But enough about my chipped polish, what I like about these cards is that there’s something in there for both platonic friends and people you’re legit hot for.
This Sophia one is my favorite though because I love vintage porn and Sicily 1969 porn is probably pretty hot. Especially if it’s Mt. Etna-themed.
I know, I know – “Bea Mine,” what a fucking cop-out. But I wanted to get these done for you in time! I’m already jotting down ideas for a second set for next year, so I will redeem myself for being so basic.
Most of these are adapted quotes from the show, and I thought the Sophia one up there was actually super romantic if you think of it in terms of “Hey, let’s grow old and toothless together.” You know? Maybe I do have a heart after all.
Similar to the serial killer, porn, The Cure, and kpop sets (god, what a collection), there are 16 different cards in this set, perfect for passing out like you’re still a kid in elementary school when the only care was, “YEAH BUT WHAT CANDY COMES WITH IT” – oh wait, that’s still a major concern! Fuck off with those fruit-flavored tootsie rolls!
And there you have it. $8 for the whole set! Pick up some serial killers, cult leaders, The Cure, or vintage porn stars while you’re at it! SOME PEOPLE BUY ONE OF EACH, CAN YOU IMAGINE.