tweets: burying the Penguins hashtag for awhile. :(

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 18:08 Somehow I managed to not tweet once during Chooch’s zombie party. #
• 18:15 RT @CocoaDeeLamo: pic of @daboogmang and the birthday boy as zombies! bit.ly/bToyEi #
• 20:30 Bill and Jessi are here for post-zombie party #Pens madness. Just apologized for screaming when Gonchar scored!!!! #
• 22:34 @Josh_Hilden nudity at my house! NSFW! brizzly.com/pic/2DOJ #
• 22:39 Chooch told the pizza guy, “I have pants on.” He didn’t call him a douche cup though; that name’s reserved for @daboogmang. #
• 23:13 Just learned the critically acclaimed dance called Dishing Out the Sausage. Ever heard of it? #
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• 00:33 Good job, #Sharks! #
• 09:53 I’ve learned t o expect nothing for Mother’s Day, much like my birthday. #
• 10:30 Chooch, in his glory with a remote control Zombie and Leatherface from his party// brizzly.com/pic/2DTS #
• 12:29 At King’s. Just yelled at Chooch but the offender was really Bill! #
• 13:04 The same pot has been in my sink for a week now. I’m proving a point by not washing it. Unforch, that point has gone unnoticed by Henry. #
• 13:52 I hate it when Jessi and Bill leave! So does Chooch, but the fact that he can now take off his pants is comforting him. #
• 14:35 I just washed the dishes while Henry naps luxuriously upon the couch. Happy mother’d day. #
• 16:09 King’s bit.ly/9Lygw8 (my blog titles get more and more generic) #
• 17:31 HENRY PULLED MY HAIR. CALL THE POPO. #
• 20:07 Zombie Chooch: Sneak Peek bit.ly/cSOfGO #
• 20:18 Henry tried to strangle me while I had my hands in my pockets and my panicking made them stuck! It was horrible. #
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• 09:47 Thanks to @ohidontthinkso for buying every coloring utensil known to man, Chooch is in a very quiet zone this morning. Bless you, Kara! #
• 10:1 8 I never tire of “Hungry Like the Wolf.” Chooch just said it’s a bitchy song & he’s mocking it. Asshole kid. #
• 11:39 Thank god for sidewalk chalk brizzly.com/pic/2E6T #
• 11:49 My neighbor Robin is broadcasting some serious classic rock from her house right now. I’m imagining her slunk across the sofa, binged out. #
• 11:50 I just realized it’s Bad Company’s greatest hits. I love Robin. #
• 12:15 Asked Chooch what kind of bday party he wants to have next yr. W/o hesitation he said, “A carrot party. W/ carrot icing.” Got it, friends? #
• 12:45 My Favorite Neighbor: Robin bit.ly/abq7Aj #
• 12:57 I think I was just criticized by an older mom-type for having the audacity to throw my kid a zombie party. Glad she didn’t come, then. #
• 15:46 Making Henry listen to the new Pierce the Veil in the car & staring at him for a reaction. I know he loves it. The blank stare tells me. #
• 19:17 I wish people would stop printing important legal documents so I can HEAR THE HOCKEY GAME. #
• 19:23 HAHAHAHA CROSBY SCORES! #Pens #Habs Keep taunting him, Montreal. #
• 20:45 CHOOCH GOT ME SEA MONKEYS!!! I have the best kid. #
• 20:50 Henry is Cruel bit.ly/9ZjsBI #
• 20:57 Had the nerve to call Henry a douche cup, making Chooch flip his lid. “NO THAT’S BILL! BILL IS THE DOUCHE CUP!” #
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• 11:06 I may be alone in this boat, but the customer support ppl at AT&T are the only ones who don’t cause me to make stabbing motions. #
• 11:13 Chooch will take a bath in five weeks, in case you were wondering how long to expect the jelly smears to remain stained on his cheeks. #
• 15:41 Henry is angry because he took a whole minute out of his day to explain a pressure washer to me, only for me to say “That sounds stupid.” #
• 16:18 Rain + #Pens loss = wrist-slitting atmosphere in the office today. #
• 16:31 I sure hope the mere fact that I like Happy Town doesn’t curse it into cancellation. #SaveHappyTown!!! #
• 22:12 Forgot how stupidly high my heels are until I took them off and had to re-train myself to stand flat-foot. #
• 23:26 Boy, watching “Drag Me to Hell” alone, before I go to bed, is definitely going to turn out to be one of them there brilliant ideas. #
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• 00:37 My neighbors are dragging body bags down the steps again, no biggie. Probably stuffing them in the trunk of their $207,000 car about now. #
• 10:06 Welp, today’s (obvious) lesson is definitely: Don’t Trust Chooch With Scissors. #
• 10:18 Nothing like starting the day with some bloody trauma, mopping up big crimson drops. #
• 11:26 Oh just great. Now my other cats have developed blood lust. TODAY IS WONDERFUL, THANKS FOR ASKING. #
• 11:29 I am trying to avoid anything hockey-related until the game starts for fear of puking up stomach acid. #Pens #StanleyCup #
• 13:00 Since this is popular now, maybe ppl will actually ask me something! formspring.me/ohhonestlyerin #
• 13:58 Hard to imagine that this kid innocently watching Tom & Jerry was the cause of blood shed earlier. #
• 15:03 Maybe I’m WEIRD but I fail to see the humor in my cat nearly getting her ear lopped off by my child. Fuck today. #
• 15:04 And apparently, my son has taken to pissing on the basement floor. My grandma was right: I wasn’t meant to have children. #
• 16:30 We’ve been discussing flashlights at work for the past 10 minutes. Henry would have a boner if he were here. #
• 17:42 Hockey anticipation is seriously raping and pillaging my entire nervous system. #
• 18:16 @ohidontthinkso and if Letang fucks up again tonite, I’m blaming Brenna & her stalking. #
• 18:42 Had a bunch of women share their own children/pet horror stories & these are kids who were raised on Barney, etc. #
• 19:53 Preparing for the worst. It’s not the end of the world. There’s still hockey to watch even if the #Pens lose. <– My fake “mature” side. #
• 19:54 Still, it would be nice if it was the #Habs turn to blow a lead. If they win this, they deserve to hoist the cup in June. #
• 21:13 “Great save by Halak.” When ISN’T it. #
• 21:39 I love you #Pens. It was a fun season. #
• 21:47 #habs better go all the way. I’ll be rooting for them. #stanleycup #
• 22:01 & they earned it: RT @NHL: #Habs first 8th seed to reach Eastern Conference Final since current p layoff format adopted in 1994. #StanleyCup #
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• 00:37 I think tomorrow I’ll dress like Shabba Ranks. #
• 01:06 I’m wide awake & just had a flashback of going to work at the lawfirm, but it was the 1970s. 1970s Erin is much better looking. #
• 01:12 I’ve been getting lots of condolences, like I just had a miscarriage instead of suffering a hockey loss. I have sweet friends. #stanleycup #
• 09:37 Had a dream that I chipped my front tooth. I didn’t handle that very well. #
• 09:50 Chooch thinks Henry’s a doctor since he put Neosporin on the cat’s ear. He’s i n for a rude awakening when he finds out Henry’s salary #
• 11:33 remember that song sheryl crow & kid rock did together? me either until i just had the misfortune of hearing it on the radio. ruined my day. #
• 11:35 Crosby, you’re still my boy. Fuck all the haters in Pittsburgh. Most of the ones bitching probably never watched a regular season game. #
• 12:27 Foxy Shazam keeps getting better like I keep getting dumber. #
• 15:00 Gelato before work. Henry wins today. brizzly.com/pic/2FEI #
• 20:16 Was just asked, “May I flick your switch?” Please do, yes. #
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• 03:56 Thank god Chooch’s dramatics have me awake at 3:54am otherwise I’d have missed “Easy Lover” on the radio. #
• 09:33 The Vampire Diaries finale was great, though not very shocking thanks to all the SPOILERS I saw on Twitter. Fuck. #
• 11:12 #Twitition We want to KEEP Happy Town on TV (ABC) twitition.com/pbqrp @apparelbyal #
• 12:50 Yes! Robin is outside in a bikini top. It’s things like this that make me thankful I work at night. #
• 12:54 Sidney Crosby can’t even move out of Mario Lemieux’s house without backl ash. #NHL #Pens #
• 15:37 Henry to me: Why would I want to listen to music that makes me want to die, when I can just talk to you? #
• 19:39 KEEP IT UP #BRUINS!!! #
• 20:47 Coulda left work early but got accosted by Tina Replicate, who was set on giving me a verbal tour of Hawaii. MOTHERFUCK. #
• 21:00 It will be interesting when Chooch starts school & has classmates to invite to his bday parties, with the ideas he’s been throwing at me. #
• 21:51 I WAS JUST SNUBBED BY ROBIN OMG. #
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• 01:59 One look at Chooch while he’s sleeping & I almost forget what an asshole he is when he’s awake. #
• 08:57 PILATES. #
• 11:41 He’s way too big:( might as well just be 21. yfrog.com/juvgsj #
• 11:54 In the span of 20 seconds, Chooch made a table of ladies “aw&qu ot; & a retarded guy laugh. #
• 12:19 On the trolley, laughing at a cop who’s brushing his hair. Just got A Look from Henry, made me laugh harder. #
• 12:27 Today I’m going to try and learn about my city. No, I’m not. Haha. That’s just silly. #
• 13:56 At Oyster House, Chooch was told by the waitress: Youre not your average kid, are you? #

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