May 212022

Cleveland is hosting an Asian Festival this weekend and the reason I know this is because a few weeks ago, I received a message on Etsy from a customer asking if it would be ok if she included the Minho card she bought from my shop in a raffle that she would be doing at the upcoming festival. She is part of a local Cleveland Kpop radio show called A Sprinkle of Seoul and they were going to have a booth at the festival.

This was exciting! Of course I said yes and then I sent her some additional SHINee cards too because her booth was hosting a cup sleeve event to celebrate SHINee’s 14th debut anniversary!! I got the info from her and then planned on coming out for it.

Their booth was so cute!! Lauren was so friendly and fun to talk to. She gave me a Kpop crossword to complete for a chance to win an album and it was CHALLENGING! You had to guess each Kpop group based on two songs and some of them weren’t super popular. I almost didn’t even get the BIGBANG one!! And then I couldn’t remember Astro even though I JUST watched their comeback stage this morning. I did eventually get it but Henry of all people had to give me hints. I only completed about 75% of it but she said I could still qualify lol.

I always wanted to go to a cup sleeve event!! They do these often in South Korea – fan sites will usually order cup sleeves to commemorate their bias’s birthday or an anniversary of a group’s debut, and then collaborate with a cafe to host the event. We saw a couple when we were there but it was never for a group I cared much about.

I brought out some of my fave SHINee pins to display on my dumb person for today too <3

I also excitedly outed Henry as a HUGE WONHO STAN to the A Sprinkle of Seoul peeps and they were very understanding because how can you not appreciate Wonho.

Anyway, here’s the cupsleeve!

We went inside a small Asian mall type of building where this eclectic vending machine resided. There was a bubble waffle joint and I felt inspired for one because it’s been a minute, so while we were waiting for our order, I used the restroom only to discover that MY PERIOD WAS HERE – luckily it had just started so there wasn’t an accident but of course I didn’t bring a purse that had my tampons in it. There was an Asian market connected to the tiny mall we were in so Henry was like WAIT FOR THE WAFFLE and ran over to get me tampons but couldn’t find any so got me PADS INSTEAD. UGH.

(I don’t know if this is universally an Asian thing but I know for sure tampons are rare in South Korea. I definitely had to buy emergency pads there on my first visit!)

Meanwhile the guy called my number at the waffle place and I was standing literally right there so I held out my hand to take it but he shoved the waffle in a bag and threw it on the counter at the front behind the lady taking orders and I was like HELLO WTF and because PERIOD I internally threw a fit and GAVE UP. Now Henry was back with the PADS and I was like THEY CALLED OUR NUMBER AND DIDNT GIVE IT TO ME, YOU DEAL WITH IT.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I feel like I had a point.

Anyway, after all of this menstrual/bubble waffle drama, we left because it had gotten super crowded AND HUMID at this point, and I had already accomplished what I wanted – meeting Lauren from A Sprinkle of Seoul and supporting the Asian community!

Plus, I wanted tampons, please and thanks. While Henry was in the nearest CVS fulfilling my tampon dreams, I started cracking up as I realized that I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought my own tampons?? Henry is a real one.

Then we went to Brewnuts for some donuts. My bro Corey went here on a recent visit to CLE and highly recommended it to me. The last time we were in town, it was closed because it keeps hipster hours. You know, Wednesday-Saturday or something ridic.

My first impression was: this place looks annoying. Every table was full of not-my-types looking they just rolled up post-run for some dones (THAT’S WHAT THIS PLACE CALLS DONUTS WHICH I’M NOT GOING TO LIE WAS VERY OFF-PUTTING PROBABLY JUST HOW MY PENCHANT FOR CAPSLOCK IS TO YOU) and brews.

But the decor was so my style!

But then the young broad who waited on us (not this lady pictured, she was fine) was borderline rude and stared at us blankly while we looked at the menu after – god forbid – not knowing what we wanted after she IMMEDIATELY tried to pressure us into ordering before we even fully approached the counter.

I’m not saying people need to slap me in the face with the rainbows shooting out of their asses, but a small smile or even a moderately upbeat tone to the voice has never hurt anyone before.


Anyway, we were here for donuts. I got the hot honey cornbread – you know how in sitcoms, whenever a man sees a really hot woman, they bite their fist? I AM BITING MY FIST AT THE MERE MEMORY OF THIS BITCHIN’ BABE OF A NEVER-DONES.

Holy mother, hold my rosary. I’m gonna need two hands for this.

It was SO FUCKING GOOD. Yoooooo. The perfect amount of heat from the hot honey, the cornbread crumbles were NOT messing around, and the donut itself was a bangin’. Unfortunately, I had to split this with Henry (I didn’t know that was the plan and had already started beasting the cornbread side so then he got hardly any of it lolol) but I could have easily inhaled this whole thing on my own.

Meanwhile, Henry ordered the wrong thing for himself. What he wanted was the cherry almond fry cake, but what he asked Miss Personality for was the cherry blossom, which essentially was just a regular iced donut with a cherry blossom design piped on it. Hahaha.

I got iced chai. It was so-so.

Henry got some frou-frou stroopwaffel latte and when the donut dick asked if he wanted whipped cream on it, he enthusiastically said YES and is now, hours later, complaining that he had too much sugar today.

Meanwhile, I had to use bathroom so I could swap out the pad for a tampon. I know, you thought this chapter was closed, yet here we are for the shocking conclusion.

I thought the bathroom was so cute! After we left, I showed Henry this picture and he said, “Oh, yeah, you mean the men’s room.”

“What do you mean, the men’s room?” I asked.

“Oh, I thought you knew you went in the men’s room. That guy was cleaning the women’s room and I figured he told you to just use the men’s room,” Henry said in a shruggy tone.

“Um, no I didn’t even know there were two restrooms?! I thought it was unisex??”

“It’s not a big deal, no one cared that you went in there, I’m sure. Plus, the guy had JUST cleaned it so you’re good.” HOW DOES HENRY KNOW SO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT THE BREWNUTS FACILITIES?? Where was I when he was supervising all of this janitorial action??

“Henry, I threw my pad in  the garbage can in there!” I cried. “In the men’s room!”

Oh yeah, THAT was the point of my Hello, Period story.

Anyway, now I want to go back and see the ladies room sometime.

We brought some donuts home with us so Chooch could try: a lemon-filled one, stroopwaffel (popular flavor there I guess) and Henry got his dumb fry cake thing or whatever the fuck it is. I could not eat here very often if I lived in Cleveland. They are good, but gigantic and HEAVY. Plus, the donut box was literally soaked with grease by the time we got home, which does make me have some slight regrets knowing I put that shit in my body.

But, you know, when on your period, etc etc etc.

“I am not sitting in this car for two hours after that, we need to for a walk,” I demanded, arms crossed and sitting on my princess tuffet, a/k/a the passenger seat. So bitch ass Henry found the nearest cemetery (Riverview I think?) and we want on a very uncomfortable digestion stroll through sopping waves of humidity with roiling stomachs.

Somehow this was the first time we’ve ever gone to a cemetery in Cleveland even though we have been there so many times. It was a decent cemetery. I made Henry take pictures of me because I’m obsessed with my shirt.


Then we finally started our drive back home. We stopped at some idiotic family restaurant called THANO’S in Boardman Ohio about two hours post-donut inhalation because I needed real food to sop up the sugar. My body does not like it when I eat like this. :(

Originally, Henry told me to look for places to eat in Youngstown but then CHANGED THE ROUTE and rendered my hard Yelp work USELESS.

Ok this place had pretty good fries and our waiter was ok except that he said “ladies first” to me which set me off because what if I don’t identify as a lady, but I HATED THE AMBIANCE. There was no music playing and felt more quiet than the cemetery we came from (which I guess wasn’t that much of a feat considering the cem was right next to a major highway). The only noise came from the booth behind us, occupied by a totally uncouth couple, the broad of which answered her cell phone at the table and then proceeded to have a loud convo in public, and the guy of which ate his French fries with a mouth opened so wide that I could every cockle of each fry cracking under the weight of his gnashing teeth. Ugh plus it was also so wet-sounding.

Meanwhile my $6.99 grilled cheese (a rip off) didn’t have the tomato I asked for so Henry gave me the tomato off his plate but it was too thick and cold and ruined my grilled cheese even more.

“Just a reminder that the grilled cheese at the places I found on Yelp were only $3.99,” I said, my face resting more bitchily than the donut dick’s.

And then we came home.

Say it don't spray it.

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