Hi. Let’s get it.
- Chooch: Driving my car and driving me crazy.
After Chooch turned 16, I thought he would be hounding us to drive but, aside from casually pissng around with the online permit practice test while standing in line for roller coasters, he kind of just dropped it. Something happened at the pie party though, maybe SOMEONE ASKED HIM IF HE HAD HIS LICENSE YET, because he started pressuring us bigly to teach him to drive. I couldn’t take it anymore, so last Saturday I screamed, “CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND THEN WE’LL SEE.” Then I forgot to actually check to see if any cleaning was done, lol, but I took him to Jefferson Memorial for some “bad weather” driving practice. He said he needs 5 hours experience of driving in bad weather, so I guess tooling around the cemetery, dodging squirrels in the rain, counts.
He actually did OK, although my right foot was cramping from all the times I practically standing up in the passenger seat to stomp on the imaginary brake. I’m sure Henry was a nervous wreck – we left him at home because he had chores to do – because he is A PROFESSIONAL DRIVER and probably felt like I stole something from him by taking Chooch without him.
It’s kind of cool though because this is where I learned how to drive too – my friend Lisa taught me in her family’s Jeep. My parents refused to take any part in this process because I was a “bad seed” and could not “be trusted” so I actually didn’t even get my license until about a month before I turned 19 and again, it was my friend Lisa who took me to the DMV in Uniontown to take my test – twice, lol. I liked that this is where Chooch is learning how to drive now too, ALMOST 30 YEARS LATER, ugh.
So he was all ready to go and take his permit test but Idiot Henry can’t find where he put Chooch’s social security card, so he had to go and request a new one on Monday. I had to laugh (HA HA) because when the guy at the social security office looked up Chooch’s info, HENRY WASN’T LISTED AS HIS DAD LOLOLOL. The guy was like, “Oh, that’s usually what happens when the parents are married” and instead of giving Henry a hard time about, somehow let the request go through.
But yeah GOOD JOB NOT MARRYING YOUR SON’S MOTHER, ASSHOLE.
Anyway, every day this week, Chooch has stormed into the house after school, barking, “DID MY SS CARD COME YET” in lieu of the HELLO that I deserve. It actually came today, which surprised me because that was less than a week! So now Chooch thinks he’s going to the DMV after school but his fate rests in Henry’s hands, as usual. We’ll see if Henry gets home from work in time, or if he will remain on Chooch’s shit list.
2. HATER HATER TALK TALK
I got a surprise shirt in the mail yesterday! Henry and Chooch immediately confirmed that they don’t care enough about me for it to have been from them, so I asked Instagram and I should have known it was my NCT bestie, Veronica!! We have been going ham lately over this NCT127 tour. She just went to the LA date last night and I watched some of her Instavids (trying to avoid it though because I want the setlist to be a surprise!) and immediately started sobbing. I haven’t been this stoked for a concert since probably the last time I saw the Cure!!
I don’t have a lot of friends with common interests so when I do get one, I cling tightly!
3. 28 Reasons Why I Love this Song
OK I’m not actually listing 28 reasons because I’m too distracted as usual but Seulgi’s solo debut is more than I ever could have wanted. The way this song and her beastly choreo give off stong Taemin vibes to me….This has been in my head ever since it came out the other day. (She’s, IMO, the best part of Red Velvet and I’m so glad she finally got her own solo!)
4. Red Jeans
I dunno what made me think about it, other than the fact that I was going through old pictures from when I was in high school, but I started thinking of my signature scent back in the day – Versace Red Jeans. I thought that it had been retired, but when I googled it, I found it on Amazon! I added it to the cart just for funsies and then it arrived a few days later because Henry saw it and actually experienced of moment of goodwill, and contrary to what was previously stated in #2 of today’s Friday Five, actually bought it for me.
OMG that first spritz TOOK ME BAAAAACK TO…..
5. This one October night in 1997
I’m always inspired to look back through old haunted house journals this time of the year and this one night in particular remains one of the best haunted house hopping nights of my life. It was me, Lisa, Angie, Angie’s bf-at-the-time Mike, Lisa’s little Youth Group friend Darren, and a family friend of Lisa’s – Bill. I just remember going all over the place in Lisa’s minivan (not the van that I learned how to drive in!) and then my Psycho Mike ( :/ ) meeting us later at Home Cookin’.
Fun fact about Darren (middle): He grew up to be the screamer in a successful Christian metal band!
Ugh Psycho Mike. I have a vivid recollection of him extremely dick-ish this night because he hated Lisa (for no other reason than she was my friend and he wanted nothing more than to isolate me from everything and everyone, you know, classic abuser behavior). Somehow, we ended up hanging out in my grandparent’s yard (their yard was huge so no one even knew we were there) until like 3am, completely sober but using our natural reserves to act like complete giddy morons.
This was when I was at the height of my Jacki Sorenson aerobic obsession and would use every opportunity to break out into one of the many routines I had memorized.
And then I apparently hurt myself in doing so, lol.
These pictures are also making me remember that I had to wear my hair in a ponytail every day around this time because I was in the process of growing out a REALLY BAD HAIR CUT. OK here’s what happened: I was with Lisa and our friend Kim. Kim had (probably still does) extremely long and straight hair. Like, LONG. We were in Century Square (probably to go to PHAR-MOR which I hated but Lisa and Kim always wanted to go there ugh) when Kim decided to stop into Fantastic Sam’s to get her hair trimmed. Now, a place like that isn’t going to fuck up a trim when the hair is long and straight so good for Kim. But something made me, the queen of layers (back then: THE RACHEL GREEN), decide to also get a hair cut.
Oh, chingu, the way they slaughtered my layers. It was a hot mess, before people were saying “hot mess.”
You can bet I had the delicious notes of Red Jean wafting in my wake on both of these occasions: fun night and bad haircut day. (I had to pause and sniff my wrist just now. Yessss. 90s Erin is BACK!)
OK, signing off. Henry just texted me and said that Chooch passed his permit test so I guess this weekend will be full of “CAN YOU LET ME DRIVE NOW??” begging. Pray for us.