On Sunday, August 6th, we checked out of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel after another immaculate breakfast spread (I miss the breads and the yogurts!) and set off for BonBon Land located about an hour away from Copenhagen in Holme-Olstrup in the South of Zealand. It’s a small family park opened in the 90s by the owner of a candy company called BonBon (I mean, obviously). BonBon candies were themed to gross things, like dog poop, ants pissing, wet diapers, you know – all these things synonymous with sweet delicious candy. Mmm mmm mmm. Mr. BonBon wanted to give kids (his biggest fans) a fun experience, and since he couldn’t offer tours of the candy factory because of sanitary reasons (allegedly – I think it was more that he didn’t want to give away any trade secrets related to how he was carmelizing seagull droppings and candying the essence of dog farts), he went the Hershey route and opened a theme park.
With only 4 coaster credits to scoop up, you might ask, why was this part of our itinerary?
Well, having a juvenile sense of humor that this place appeals to was a big reason.
It’s also the home of the first ever Gerstlauer Euro Fighter with a beyond vertical drop (beyond vertical drops are everywhere now but BONBON HAD IT FIRST, BITCHES).
But most importantly? It has a kiddie coaster themed to a dog farting.
You guys.
Are you even an enthusiast of you don’t have that dog fart cred??
Needless to say, we were all GIDDAY. I mean, look at all of us up there waiting for the park to open! A bunch of grown ass people clamoring to stuff their butts into a farting dog.
CASSIE TOOK THIS PICTURE OF US. In case you didn’t know, I made friends on this trip!! I’m so pathetic that I was even mailing postcards home to my non-coaster friends screaming about OMG I MADE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS, THROW ME A PARTY WHEN I COME HOME.
I probably could have earned a Girl Scout badge for this.
“Now let’s take one with your eyes closed,” said no one but somehow that’s what Chooch and I heard.
I have to laugh because this is ALL Coaster Crew back there. No one else came early. But we were like, “LET US IN. MUST GET THE CREDITS.”
BONBON LAND THEME SONG!
It took so long to get this photo because Chooch kept letting actual children cut in front of him and I was so annoyed and trying to pantomime an elbowing motion but he ignored me and just let it happen.
Really wish this was in my front yard,
The famous FARTING DOG!
We immediately ran to the dog fart coaster, and that’s when I realized the dog’s name is….HENRY!!! Oh, how apropos!
At home, it’s only Chooch and me riding the kiddy coasters – and to be fair, sometimes I sit those ones out but ONLY if it’s a crowded day and Chooch and I can’t sit together. I might hate kids, but I hate looking like an asshole even more and I don’t want to be That Adult who takes a seat away from a dumb kid, you know? But hilariously, on this trip, Henry suddenly was all, “Me too” but only because it didn’t relate to supporting women, and was getting in line for every baby coaster because all of his idols on this trip were doing it. Wow, you’re so cool, Henry. “Oh, Marshall, Nick, Gooch, Jimmy and Dewey are riding it? MAKE ROOM FOR ME, GUYS. Can I get a shout out on YouTube now??”
And of course Henry didn’t take any pictures of Chooch and me when it was our turn!
I guess I didn’t take many pictures here for some reason? So, I don’t have any of the Gerstlauer which was SURPRISINGLY not terrible. But I really enjoyed the spinning wild mouse up there, Han-Katten! There was a group of 5 middle school-aged boys in front of us who were being moderately annoying – some of them cut in front of us which was annoying since there 5 of them and that meant it AFFECTED us directly since we would have to wait for an additional cycle to get on. Anyway, when we were getting off the ride, Robert was coming up the exit steps and said, “Hey be careful when you go down there, because some kid just threw up everywhere when he came down the steps” and I was like “YES, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE JERKS!” and I was gloating, but then the joke was on me because I accidently looked and then almost threw up myself.
This video is not great – I had to screen-record it from the Coaster Crew event Facebook page. Anyway, this coaster was just some strange family coaster. It wasn’t too bad!
SNACK TIME. We ran into Larry and Jean outside of this cafe and they spilled the tea on some things for us and it was at the moment that I felt like we were truly part of Coaster Crew. The amount of stress I felt leading up to this trip, worrying that we weren’t going to fit in, were going to be the black sheep on the outside, were going to have a miserable time sitting alone, etc. All for nothing. I still can’t believe how amazing the people portion of this trip was. Sorry that I’m basically acting like an aging GIRL SCOUT again but these things are really important to me and honestly, for as amazing as this coaster trip was, it wouldn’t have been even a quarter this amazing if not for the quality of the people.
I’m getting so emotional!
I am also drinking moscato which is way too sweet and dangerous for me to be drinking alone while tip-tapping away at this keyboard, but you guys. The fucking people, man. I never went away to summer camp but I imagine it must have had similar vibes.
Coffee and donut time!
Our first of many rapids rides of the trip! We were in line behind two young boys who were horrifically slapping each other in the face for fun. When we got off the ride, it emptied us into a gift shop where I bought bushels of BonBon candy (most of which was licorice so no one but me will eat it!) and then realized that one of those kids completely stood up and mooned the camera, the evidence of which was on full display on the On Ride Photo screen.
At some point, I accidentally used the men’s room. I don’t think anyone would have cared though but it was something I thought about numerous times throughout the trip because Henry and Chooch saw that I was about to walk right in with all the confidence of a dick-swinging construction worker, and they just sat back and let it happen.
It’s fine.
I COULD HAVE BEEN ATTACKED IN THERE.
Isn’t that the big Karen Argument?
Well, I wasn’t.
The theming was so cute/weird/strange/perfect.
In line for the boat ride which took us around the world and was….interesting. Of course, in America Town, all the characters were cowboys and had guns.
Aside from the Dog Fart coaster, I LOVED the log flume. It was so fucking quirky. We went inside a big hunk of cheese and I swear to god, there were people whispering all around us and it was so goddamn creepy. I loved it so much.
And Chooch made me go on this dragon ride which looked like just a little kids’ ride that went in a circle but it went SO FUCKING FAST that it was actually painful and I thought we were going to be flung the hell out. We were SCREAMING for it to stop, but then it went BACKWARD too and I was like, “We are going to die. I can’t believe I’m going to lose my life at BonBon Land I hope someone knows to put that on my epitaph.”
The way I love this group so much, you guys….I have attachment issues.
Anyway, we were only here for a few hours before departing for the second park of the day, fourth park over: Tivoli Freheiden. What I loved was that Tim decided that the original amount of time he allotted was too much since the park was so dead and we were able to easily get the creds, so he changed the departure time and updated the even page on Facebook with the info. But everyone was passing it on, so whenever we would run into someone, they would give us the heads up and that was just one more thing that made me love Coaster Crew so much.
We bought a HENRY glass for Henry and a bunch of candy which I’m almost out of so if anyone wants to buy me candy for Valentine’s Day like suddenly that’s a thing to buy strange bloggers candy on Valentine’s Day, let’s make it a thing, please do ship some BonBon candy to me, or really any kind of licorice in general. I will eat it and thank you bigly.
Oh and in case you missed it, something TERRIBLE OH NO BOO HOO happened to Henry that day, which I already wrote about it while we were still on vacation!
P.S. Oh wow looks like Henry the Oaf actually did take some photos of us on the Dog Fart coaster.
