Oct 072023

Today was Chooch’s last day of the high school sailing program that he signed up for last April without telling us, as you may remember. It ended up being something that he really enjoyed and took seriously though, so I’m glad that he got involved!

To give the end of the program a proper send-off, there was a regatta today for family and friends to come and watch. There were four teams. Chooch’s team was comprised of Zakk, Ben, and Daniel, and their name was Seagulls, apparently.

I have never watched a sailing race before so I legit had no clue what was going on, but the dad next to me SURELY DID, evidenced by the way he was screaming sailing terms into the air with such shit-straining force that I actually was scared to be near him. He was the dad of someone on Team Bentley, and at one point, he ripped off his hat (whatever a man’s beret is called, you know what I mean), hurled it to the ground, and screamed, “COME ON BENTLEY!!! GODDAMMIT!”

Um, bro. Calm the fuck down. Do you know how competitive I am? Like, bigly to the nth degree. But I knew that this was an “every child gets a trophy” event and that it was mostly just to show us the skills they learned so I was pretty calm and collected through the whole thing (also because just a reminder I had no clue what was going on). Plus, there were 4 separate races and I feel like each team got the chance to shine. (Chooch’s team came in last place for 2 races, 3rd for one, and 1st for one – so it goes to show you that all the kids could sail – there was no clear “best team” – OK fine, boat #1 but only because they were cheating and had some kid on it that I couldn’t stand and was TOTALLY A SAILING TYPE, if you know what I mean.)

I also hated the one mom next to me who was rooting for boat 2 and was wearing an athletic skirt while noshing on homemade granola (I made that part up but I bet she does make her own granola with ingredients that cost like $100 and buy “make her own” I mean that she orders everything online and then has her au pair make it after the kids go to bed).

Yes, Chooch was the only one dressed for a hot July day. It was in the low 50s, FYI. Maybe colder. I didn’t check the weather app, sue me.

Tied for third place with BOAT 2.  They came so close to winning the last race but then the wind did a thing and they stalled out or something I dunno. I also think maybe they didn’t care so much at that point, having already placed first in one race.

Oh! The highlight for me was after the second race, one of the boats came to shore so that they could swap out team mates (Chooch’s team stayed the same, and was also the only boat that consistently ad 4 people as opposed to 3 so they had weight working against them at some points JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND – this is what JOE THE SAILER kept reminding us as he was going the play-by-play over the PA, talking about ‘tack’ and ‘currents’ and ‘wind’ and I was like, “OK Joe whatever you say, sir.”). Anyway, this boat comes to shore and a girl gets out in A HUFF and cries, “I don’t want to do this anymore!” and then STORMED OFF. Her dad had to chase after her and console her. I was like, “THIS IS LIKE WATCHING MYSELF, I’M ENTHRALLED.”

Anyway, Chooch said it was probably because she was on the boat with the son of the HAT THROWER and that he was probably BEING MEAN TO HER, just another reason to hate that effing dad.

Team Seagulls!

Say it don't spray it.

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