Hey it’s Sunday. I feel OK. Henry just brought back a chocolate chip cookie and a chocolate cupcake to share from Potomac Station and that has perked me up. Sometimes, the body just really wants sugar, you know?

In other weekend news, I was supposed to have brunch at Lola’s with Mar, Debby, Megan, and Jill yesterday but when I got there the hostess said, to my utter non-shock, that it would be an hour wait. I get why some places don’t take reservations (I guess?) but it’s still annoying. When I walked back out, Marlene had just arrived so she honked and I jumped in her car to tell her the bad news. Then Debby arrived and got in the backseat while we decided on a backup plan – I suggested just going down the street to the Abbey but then we had to get a hold of Jill and Megan and I don’t know why but this was so stupidly hilarious to me. Jill ended up texting me at that exact moment to say she was running late and I was like Oh thank god because I only had her work email!?

Anyway, Mar left her car behind and rode with me down to the Abbey while Debby waited behind for Megan who was en route in an Uber. It’s a good thing that Mar rode with me though because once we walked inside the Abbey she was like, “Hmmm, maybe I haven’t been here before?!” and then the more she kept talking about the place she thought we were going, I said, “Mar, are you thinking of Church Brew Works?” and yes, yes she was. That’s exactly where she would have been headed if she hadn’t come with me, lol.

I was happy to sit inside. The last several times I have been to the Abbey, I’ve been with people who wanted to sit outside and look, the Abbey is an old funeral home – you want to be sitting INSIDE. All the vibes are INDOORS. But, I digress.

It was a nice time. I still feel like a shell of myself when I’m with a group of people and didn’t talk much, and then I felt like when I was talking, I was just being annoying, but that’s a me problem and we’re working on it. I just really didn’t want to talk about work and it always ends up going there.

I’m always so happy and excited to be meeting up with friends but then I focus on the tiniest things and flip them into something negative. And then I have myself convinced that some people don’t like me and I will spend days and nights dwelling on that. It is one of my toxic traits, of which I have many.

Like for instance, when we were ready to order, I asked the server if we could have separate checks and I felt immediately tacky for making the request especially based on the server’s and some others’ reactions and I tried to explain that we were recently out with Pam and her friend Greg and didn’t ask for separate checks until the end and the server literally yelled at us and I have been scarred ever since but no one was listening to me at that point because I never have anything valuable to say so I just shut up, lol. Story of my life.

But this is a thing that no one else probably thought about again after leaving yet here I am, a day later, crying about it on my bitch baby blog. I think one of the reasons that I have been feeling like I can’t be myself is that whenever I *am* myself, I am hyper-aware of how immature/weird/obnoxious I am coming across so I am trying to subconsciously not be like that by walling myself up? How am I middle-aged and still having these idiotic struggles? I really can’t stand myself. When is therapy going to fix me lol.

Then I came home and Henry, the One Man Kpop Street Team Operation, was hard at work on the NCT pins we’re making for the upcoming concert and that made me happy.

<3

Then we went for a walk at Jefferson Memorial where I once again started nagging him about getting our burial plots bought.

Then I had this B I G S A L A D for dinner and it was so good!

We spent the rest of the evening watching Seventeen vlogs and drinking BEER even though I am getting so fat due to my new beer hobby. (I usually only drink the equivalent of 1.5 beers on the weekend nights but I am such a lightweight that it feels like so much more!)

And then I saved one of my old Gmail addresses from being deleted, whew. I might need to use this one day!!

Well, that’s all for me. Nothing exciting has happened today aside from squirrel visits. But we are meeting up with Shawn and Jess tonight at the Crafthouse for a show so I’m really stoked for that because I haven’t seen them since last June!!

No comments