Our dear friends Chronica have just moved to Spain for three months (maybe permanently – this is a trial run for them!) and we went to their send-off gathering at Spoonwood on Sunday. First, let me get this out of the way – I have been clearly exposed as a beer poser because everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, in this damn city Qtips their dickhole over this place. Previously, we had only been there once in the past and coincidentally, it was also for a Chronica gathering – Monica’s 40th birthday! I must have had either cider or wine at that event because I know I sure as shit was not drinking a beer then.

Well….aside from the beer pictured above which was a “Brown” something, I didn’t like ANYTHING I tried. I kept getting tasters and sliding them right down to Henry. There was one that everyone was fanning themselves over. I had tried it before anyone got there and immediately gave it to Henry, but now I was getting caught up in the enthusiasm for this spicy brew and peer-pressured myself into getting another taster of it.

AND I STILL HATED IT.

Nate was also there and blamed himself for this because he was sitting next to me raving about it. BLAME NATE!

“Didn’t you already try this and hated it?” Henry asked when I slid it down to him.

“Yes.”

“THEN WHY WOULD YOU GET ANOTHER???” he cried.

(Chooch was sitting in between us so Henry was not privy to the events that led up to this moment.)

“And then the baby I helped birth during the Great Twizzlers Shortage of 2010 was this big,” probably is what Chris was saying. Chooch seems skeptical.

I also want to add that the Spoonwood people handled this low-key event very poorly. At first, our server was borderline annoyed that we didn’t know how many people were going to be joining us. We had just sat down at a 4-top inside to get drinks and then when she came back to take our food order, we said we needed to wait until the people of the hour arrived because we would likely have to move tables. She was like I WILL GET YOUR CHECK THEN and it was crazy watching how fast her demeanor changed.

Eventually, Chronica arrived, explained the sitch to the hostess, and we were given an area outside on the patio in the 90 degree heat. Sweat started to trickle down my back immediately, even in the shade.

As more people arrived, Chronica asked if they could pull more tables over and the server, the same one we had inside and who was back to being OK again, was like, “Yes, you can.” But then the manager came out and was a big bitch about it because, and I do understand why this was not great, they were pulling tables from other servers’ areas and I actually heard her say at one point, “If you had called and given us a heads up—-” to which Monica quickly and politely interrupted with, “I tried that weeks ago and was told we couldn’t make reservations for this and had to just show up.”

Get it together, Spoonwood!! I will not be going back there unless Chronica have another event there someday.

Chooch got asked a lot of “How’s college?” questions and he mumbled the same blurb each time like a telemarketer.

Beer and management and sweltering heat aside, I was happy to be there because I love Chronica a lot and am so excited for them to be embarking on this new adventure! Spain is to Chris what Korea is to me, but even deeper because she studied abroad there and lived there in her younger years and has been back a bunch of times. I really hope this works out for them because this country is trash and I do not blame them one bit for leaving!

Also, I want to add that I got to see Chris’s cousin Amber for the first time since our White Elephant party years and years ago – she sat across from us and started talking to us like she had just seen us last week and I loved that so much. I always feel like no one remembers us but she was like, “Wow Chooch, I can’t believe how grown you are!” and I was like, “O M G SHE KNOWS US!” I really like her a lot – she has actually become good friends with my brother Corey after they also met at the same White Elephant party and then reconnected years later when he helped her buy a house, so I was like “Next time you hang out with Corey, LET ME KNOW!!” I want to be a part of this club too lol.

And I met Sarah, their friend from WV who apparently used to do both of their hair but is no longer a hair stylist? I knew of her though and it was cool to meet her in person and she is WONDERFUL. So easy and casual to talk to and you know what it made me realize? You can tell how amazing your friends are by how amazing THEIR friends are. She was so fucking cool! (You can see her and her tattoos in the background of my first picture up there!)

We were there for about 3 hours and I felt like a dog dying in a desert by the time we left. I was so glad that I had brought a kimono-type coverup thing with me because otherwise, I would have put my soaking wet back and butt on full display when I finally peeled myself off the chair. It was so disgusting – sweat everywhere. Ugh.

We had planned on going to Kennywood that evening so Henry could use the rest of his Bites and Pints card since that was the last day for it, but I ended up feeling so sick and delirious that I hung back. Henry and Chooch went for about 90 minutes – long enough to get the rest of their food samples and ride Phantom:

LOL WTF????

Then Henry sent me a picture of a lady in front of them when we were leaving because she was wearing the Stray Kids DominATE tour shirt!!! I was like, “ASK HER WHICH ONE SHE WENT TO!!” and he said, “No I will not, that’s weird.” Ugh, I would have if I had been there.

I was so fucking wiped out from the heat that I ended up passing out in bed early. The next morning, I woke up, laid there blinking for about a minute before reality hit me and I texted Henry, “Wait, did you really book our flight to Romania last night???” and he was like, “Yes, we are going to Romania.” I was so out of it Sunday night that I couldn’t even remember if that was real or a sunstroke-induced hallucination, but it was true! We are going to Romania for 9 days in October for our belated honeymoon!

We’re doing a Transylvanian road trip! I have been trying to get here for actual decades but could never find anyone who was interested in accompanying me, and Henry and I couldn’t afford to both go back then. I can’t believe that this is almost a reality now.   I hope I’m not jinxing myself!

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