Ugh you guys, I’m sad looking at this because 1. it was our last full day with Chooch at home and 2. it was the last day of good health before some kind of sinus nightmare hit me. I feel like all I have been doing since Sunday night is leaking out of my face and fitfully sleeping.

I’ll have to make this one short because I have Kleenex plugging my nostrils and my eyes and every time I blink, more emotionless tears fall from my eyes.

We took Chooch out to lunch on Saturday. He had plans to play football with some friends afterward, and then went geochaching later that night, so I was glad that he fit in his lame ‘rents on his last day home.

I will just say this now – I don’t get the hullaballoo over Spoonwood. The food is just OK and the beer is mid, and the atmosphere does NOTHING to balance that out. But you have no idea how much people here love this place. I only suggested it because we had a gift card and their current beer list sounded OK.

I hated every beer I had there last year when we went for Chronica’s going away party. In fact, it was such a weird vibe that day with the way Spoonwood treated Chronica that even they started to reconsider their loyalty. There was one server in particular that day who was completely rude and exchanged words with Monica even though Monica HAD CALLED SPOONWOOD IN ADVANCE TO TELL THEM TO EXPECT A LARGE-ISH PARTY THAT DAY. Spoonwood dropped the ball bigly and then tried to make Chronica feel like it was an error on their part and that ain’t it, sis.

Anyway, as soon as we arrived on Saturday, Henry IMMEDIATELY had a near-collision with THAT SERVER so I texted Chris to tell her this, after the hostess sat our party of  three at a tall table meant for eight people?! Bro, we got there right when Spoonwood opened and there was an entire floor full of empty 4-seaters but OK, put us at this large-ass party table?! We felt so weird sitting there so we asked to move to a normal table, god forbid causing friction right off the bat! They did let us move but I felt like we were getting some dagger-y staff side-eyes after that.

Get over yourselves, Spoonwood.

I actually did moderately like the taster I got:

And then I got a full-sized Working Class Hero because it said it had corn in it. It was OK. I didn’t like anything Henry got.

Also, I got a falafel wrap and it was OK. The falafel was kind of dry, and there was no “wow factor” to it – it tasted like an average falafel wrap. I got cornbread for my side and that was also dry but also kind of OK. Again, I don’t get the hype over this place?!

I will say that three lunches and a bunch of beers cost less than our completely underwhelming lunch at Busch Gardens last week. I still haven’t recapped that because Hipstamatic keeps freezing on me when I try to edit my pictures, but I’ll tell you now that our lunch there was $98 and came with much less food and that didn’t even include the two beers that Henry and I got. Theme parks are so shameless!!

Meanwhile, I happened to glance over to my left and noticed a woman at a table that I am 99.99% sure I played doubles with when I was a freshman in high school. She was a grade above me and we were friendly, and I think we were even Facebook friends when I was still using that garbage site, but I have this complex where I assume that no one remembers me. Chooch kept threatening to go over to her table and say, “Excuse me, are you Julie? My mom talks about you ALL THE TIME.”

He’s such an asshole, lol.

When we came back, Chooch went off with his friends and Henry and I walked to Uptown Coffee in Mt. Lebanon because Megan tipped me off to their banana pancake latte and I was in THE MOOD FOR IT. First of all, the girl who took our order was wearing a Wonder Years shirt, and then there was a comically tall barista wearing a hat that said something like, “I’m just a little guy” or something and that really endeared him to me. I don’t come to this place often at all, but the last I went was during the pandemic when Chooch and I walked there and I remember having a great interaction with the barista over her Michael Myers tattoo, and Chooch was so embarrassed because god forbid his mother ever engages in small talk!

I was actually remembering this when Henry and I were walking there that afternoon and exclaimed, “Chooch is the reason I can’t do small talk anymore, and resort to acting like an alien just beamed to Earth every time someone asks me a question.” Speaking of complexes!

Can confirm that the banana pancakes latte slapped – I think I need to fully divorce myself from 802 and Potomac Station because even though they are way more convenient to get to from our house, they disappoint more than anything. The owner of Potomac is all about teaming up with Pgh influencers (Yinzfluencers???) now and their Insta has become to annoying and try-hard. I just want a good latte, is all. But there is always something…off. And the baked goods are very hit or miss – everything tastes of Crisco.

Uptown had a much more robust selection of baked goods and their snickerdoodle was top tier. I hate that Henry and I split one instead of each getting our own!

Right before we left, a super tall man came in – had to have been over 6’5″ – and the super tall barista was eyeing him up territorially, like he didn’t want to be dethroned as TALLEST IN THE CAFE, even temporarily. It was crazy because they were both extremely tall, comically even.

And that has been 1,000 words about a Saturday. Thank you, thank you.

No comments