Yay! We’ve managed to make it an entire half decade without killing our son/having him taken away from us! And contrary to popular concern, he actually does know that his real name is Riley and not Chooch. You can put down the fiery spires now.
When I confirmed, he quietly whispered, “Yessssss.”
I told him this means he can finally live alone in that abandoned shed we saw a few streets over.
I think he knew I was joking.
Or was I?
Happy birthday, Chooch! You are one goddamn celebrated kid.