Jul 182008
 

Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 16:36 If cheese curds ever had to go on trial, I’d make the best defense attorney. If you ignore the fact that I have no degree. #
  • 18:35 I guess I’m never comfortable. #
  • 19:00 Somehow, someway, Tina and I are arguing about the actor Robert Conrad being hot or not. #
  • 19:02 Apparently, I never should have mentioned Battle of the Network Stars. #
  • 20:48 Plants make me sick. Get your own fucking water.#

  • 09:00 Chooch hurt his head on building block. We spent the next 15 min doing what any reasonable ppl would: sodomizng it, calling it bastard. #
  • 15:50 Ten years since the best summer of my life. Still basically the same girl, except now I wear a bra. Every day. #
  • 16:10 If I had a city, it would definately be built on cash & swagger. #
  • 18:17 Its been a long time since I’ve yodeled. #
  • 18:19 I just noticed that somewhere along the way, I lost several yards of the flesh drapes that hung from my chin. #
  • 18:39 Tonight I learned that Tina is a pediatric authority. Need baby advice? GO ASK TINA. #
  • 21:05 I’m not doing anything right now, but i can tell you with utmost honesty that on August 23 i will BE DYING. IN THE BEST WAY.#

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  6 Responses to “Caffeinated Tweets”

  1. 15:50 Ten years since the best summer of my life. Still basically the same girl, except now I wear a bra. Every day.

    aw.

    18:19 I just noticed that somewhere along the way, I lost several yards of the flesh drapes that hung from my chin.

    whatever. you never had yards of flesh hanging from your chin… but i will say that you can tell you’ve been hanging with lewis and jillian. you look fantastic.

    • I think the trick must be to stop associating myself with such critical people then. I always leave my house feeling ok, then it all unravels. Oh laffs.

      But thank you for noticing!!

  2. Have you ever had the curds from A&W? They are awesome.

    My kid’s riding her scooter around the living room, wearing nothing but tinkerbell panties and a helmet.

    Boy oh boy. Never a dull, non-embarrassing moment around here.

    • I did! I had them once, when I was pregnant. It’s funny that you mention that, because A&W was the reason I had that tweet. I saw on some girl’s lj that she was “humorously” ranting about A&Ws cheese curds and what brilliant exec decided “curds” would be a good product name, anyway? I was like, “BITCH THAT’S WHAT THEY BE CALLED EVERYWHERE! THEY IS NOT NO MUTHAFUCKIN’ BRAND OR SOME SHIT! THAT IS THEY NAME, HO!”

      Oooh, you just ask my friend Merry. I was ANGRY.

  3. oh, also, i finished your eyeballs finally. twice, actually. but my cat stole and lost one and then my kid stole and lost one, too… so i’ve had to make like five of the frigging things. anyway, mail me your address again so ms.sarah.mascara@gmail.com and i will get them out to you momentarily.

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