Today’s big news is that I had to walk to the library and pick up the NINE (9!!!!!) books that came in all at once. This never happens! Usually I am waiting forever for a book and end up getting some lame bottom tier audio book to tide me over and all it does is make me angry.

Anyway, I had to make Henry go with me because I needed to use TWO tote bags and I wanted him to pretend like one stack was his but he wouldn’t play along.

I was afraid the librarians would give me stern looks for checking out so many books at once, but then thought, “well, they never acknowledge me so maybe they won’t notice” but for the first time ever, one of them broke the 4th wall and said to us from behind their glass, “hi guys, there’s a free jazz concert going on here if you’re interested” and I FROZE mid-book scan. (I always use self checkout FYI.)

Anyway, he didn’t seem to care and Henry was like “why WOULD they care though, they WANT people to read?!” But I swear some of the librarians there give me bad vibes plus Chooch used to always come home when he was a kid and bitch about them so I just feel very UNDER A SPOTLIGHT when I’m there if you know what I mean. And like they’re just LOOKING for something to scold me for.

Well, here’s my big boi book stack and I am so excited to be a shut-in for the next week or so to tear through these!

(The two on the right are ones I already had checked out, ugh, I’m drowning.)

So, my cat Drew died on July 1 and you can imagine that my reading month was pretty fucked – books I might have liked in another lifetime were a chore to get through, books that were only slightly not great were like a blight on the entire history of literature.

1. We Used To Live Here by Daniel Hurst

I started this book the morning of July 1. Approximately 4 hours later, my cat would be dead. That is all I have to say about this book.

2. I Know You by Annabel Kantaria

I didn’t like this and don’t feel like discussing.

3. Listen for the Lie by Amy Tintera

I think I liked this but now I can’t remember. (Just checked Goodreads – yes, I liked it.)

4. Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers: Coping Wisdom for Heart and Soul After the Loss of a Beloved Feline by Liz Eastwood

My brother Corey sent me this book and while I don’t ever read self-help type books, this was so helpful and comforting. It inspired me to be proactive in the grief process – yes, I have definitely 100% been allowing myself to collapse into a puddle of tears, and this happens at least once a day still, but I’m not sure I would have found the motivation to actively seek out support through my friends, find and attend an actual pet grief support meeting, and most importantly – find myself a therapist. I can tell you that I still feel like absolute shit, but I have to imagine that I would feel even worse if none of these steps were taken.

This book also gave me hope that Drew is here somewhere, or there somewhere, and that I will meet her again (I am choking on grief as I type this – last night and this morning were tough and I thought I felt her getting onto the bed and want to believe that it was really her).

5. The Paradise Problem by Christina Lauren

Christina Lauren romps are usually just what my desiccated heart needs, but this one really fell flat for me. I wanted more paradise, less problems, I guess. I don’t know.

6. The Things We Do to Our Friends by Heather Darwent

I gave this 1 star because it was absolute trash. Shitty writing, shitty characters. BORING. What a waste of a beautiful cover.

7. While We Were Burning by Sara Koffi

Another case of the cover is better than the book.

8. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

I have hated every Grady Hendrix I’ve read, and this was no exception. Such a snooze. Sloppy plot development. TW for animal stuff. Shock value overload. His writing is actually so bad, you guys.

9. The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose

OK finally a book I enjoyed. I picked this up after reading the author’s most recent release, as this is the one that put her name on the map I guess. Plus, Megan had already read it and loved it and it’s about to be turned into a movie I think? It was twisty and provided the escape that I was desperately seeking (Susan).

Also, I started following Jeneva on Instagram and she is effortlessly hilarious which makes me appreciate her books that much more.

10. Every Last Fear by Alex Finlay

I haven’t liked any of this guy’s books I’ve previously read, but this one surprised me. A compelling family mystery / thriller that actually didn’t make me cringe or roll my eyes. My book reviews are good.

11. Bad Men by Julie Mae Cohen

Witty, dark, and entertaining! The body count wasn’t as high as I would have liked, but I really enjoyed the murderess. A tad predictable but it was still a fun read, one that I would have probably enjoyed a whole lot more if life wasn’t so wrecked currently.

I meant to post this on Sunday but seeing as how I cried 3/4 of the day like my face is a fucking salt water sprinkler, that didn’t happen. Today marks 2 weeks. Nothing is helping.

Well. Here are the books I read in June which feels like an eternity ago at this point and who the fuck even cares really – I know I sure don’t.

1. The Band by Christine Ma-Kellams

I almost DNFd this. If you don’t like Kpop or are at least mildly interested in Korean culture, I can’t imagine this book would be very appealing. It’s VERY CLINICALLY/ACADEMICALLY written at times and even though it was rife with dry humor and wit, it was still almost too dry. I did end up really enjoying it though once I reached the pivotal moment where the book’s narrator (I believe she was meant to be based on the writer herself), runs into the canceled member of a Kpop boy group in a California H-Mart. From there, the book really picks up, there is way more dialogue and less gigantor blocks of text full of long-ass sentences with that dreaded “assigned reading” feel.

It was extremely smartly written which made a lot of sense when I read the author’s bio at the end. (Harvard-trained cultural psychologist / college professor lol. That checks.)

2. Mother-Daughter Murder Night by Nina Simon

It was fine but forgettable.

3. With or Without You by Caroline Leavitt

Barely remember reading this. I think I was in between library books and grabbed this on Everand. It was quick and OK. I wasn’t invested in any of the characters so didn’t care one way or another if the wife came out of the coma, which is what the whole book is about.

4. No One Can Know by Kate Alice Marshall

Shit, I have really loved some of her books but this was not one. I gave it 2 stars. I was bored. My Goodreads review just says “What even was this mess.”

5. Stay True by Hua Hsu

Memoir of a New Yorker staff writer that focuses mostly on his childhood best friend and a traumatic event surrounding that. I hadn’t really read the synopsis going in to this so I was expecting the thing to happen and it hit me hard. Wow, just like real life.

6. Between Us by Mhairi McFarlane

My second McFarlane book – loved it. Not a 5-star like “Just Last Night” was for me, but a solid 4. She writes such vivid, animated characters, and the conversations between them feels so real and natural. I wasn’t sure what direction this book was heading during the first third, but then it really picked up and I was into it.

7. My Darling Girl by Jennifer McMahon

Elderly mom who might be either be possessed or just a really shitty mom, etc. It was mildly entertaining but I will say the twist at the end got me.

8. The Vacancy in Room 10 by Seraphina Nova Glass

Two POVs and I kept mixing them up. I didn’t like this very much. Everything feels so predictable and generic to me anymore. Should I stop reading? I’m bored.

9. Home Is Where the Bodies Are by Jeneva Rose

This one was actually pretty good. Neighbor kid goes missing in the 90s. Dad of main characters’ family goes missing many years later. Present day – mom dies which brings all three siblings back to the family house and reopens the mystery of the missing kid and also where the hell is dad. I actually didn’t see the reveal coming and was pleasantly surprised. An entertaining thriller was just what I needed at the time. Seems so long ago now.

10. What If You & Me (Say Everything, #2) by Roni Loren

LOL I was halfway through this before I realized it was #2 in a series. Pretty stupid romance. I won’t be going back to read #1.

11. Middle of the Night by Riley Sager

I mean, at this point in my life, it’s tradition to read a new Riley Sager book in the summer. I am so LOVE/HATE with this guy’s books. I have read 1 stars from here where I actually have thrown the book across the room when I finished, and I have read 5 stars that I still think about sometimes! This one was…I think I gave it a 4 on Goodreads but I would say more honestly that it was a 3.5. It had a Goosebumps-For-Grownups feel to it. Another “missing neighborhood kid from the 90s” tale where I did NOT in any way predict the ending. It was a good summer mystery/thriller and I liked the dual timelines.

Also, his book covers have been SO GOOD lately.

12. Good in Bed (Cannie Shapiro, #1) by Jennifer Weiner

Meh. I generally enjoy Jennifer Weiner books and associate her with my first month of “getting back into regular reading” at the beginning of 2020 because her newest novel at the time was the first one I checked out of the library and I devoured it. But most of her books are kind of “more of the same.” This was is an older book of hers and it was fine. All of her main characters are plus-sized and the way she describes them, I picture every single one as Carnie Wilson but then at some point in this book, someone compares the main broad to Janine Garofalo and I’m like, “Babe….what.” So, that can sometimes get in the way of the story.

13. The Weekend Retreat by Tara Laskowski

This was so dumb. A bunch of rich fucking boring assholes who I kept mixing up. I wish I had not read this and just spent that extra time with Drew instead. Fuck this book. Fuck everything.

1. She’s Not Sorry – Mary Kubica

Love me a domestic thriller. This was almost a 4. I genuinely did enjoy it but the plot kind of went haywire at a certain point, almost like she had ideas for two books and then decided to smash it together into one. The one storyline was VERY predictable, not connected, and completely unnecessary. But the twist in the main plot was A GOODIE.

2. Funny Story – Emily Henry

OK, if this has been the first Emily Henry book I had ever read, then 5 stars, easy. But, Happy Place is the gold standard, as far as I’m concerned, and this just didn’t quite reach that level. So, solid 4 stars it is. Emily Henry writes the best side characters – every single one has a purpose, an intention, dialogue unique to their personality. I know I have said this before, but once upon a time, I went to college for English writing and this is the snappy, whippy, smart and sardonic dialogue that I used to strive for. You know, back when I “wrote.” Sigh. Emily Henry’s books are such a fun summertime escape for me and I really think that the only thing that would make them better would be if I was reading it poolside. In Wildwood, maybe. Nothing too fancy.

3. Nigh Watching – Tracy Sierra

Remember what I was just saying about Emily Henry’s knack for realistic, smart dialogue? This book ain’t that. It was FINE but also, what. Just a whole lotta gaslighting and WTF is happening now. It starts immediately with a home invasion and I was worried that the entire book was going to be married to this one event – the man searching the house, the mom and two kids hiding in the panic room. But, it does move on to other settings, and there are also flashback chapters.

This might be one of those times where the audiobook ruined the book for me. Narrator’s natural voice was fine but when she started doing other voices it was just annoying. There’s an entire chapter where the main lady’s voice is raspy and SHE DID THIS AWFUL VOCAL FRY-esque thing which was like the nails of influencers circa 2015 on a chalkboard.

Actually the book itself was pretty mid regardless.

4.  The Vacation House – Jane Shemilt

Yooooo. I picked this up on a whim from the library and almost DNF’d it because of a slow start. But man, this caught me off guard how much I loved it. A book about rapists getting their comeuppance. We love to read it.

Really frustrating to see how the victim’s family was completely torn apart while the perps went on to live their best lives, which is so often the case.

5.  Worry – Alexandra Tanner

I mean, one of the characters is a rescue dog named Amy Klobuchar, so that should clue you in to the irreverence that is Alexandra Tanner’s writing. Simultaneously made me glad that I’m not in my 20s living in NYC with a younger sister and also sad that I’m not in my 20s living in NYC with a younger sister. The trials and tribs! A multitude of LOL moments. Loved it. Would watch it if it became a TV show.

6.  Expiration Dates – Rebecca Serle

3.5 – this was a fun concept and quick read! This broad gets a magical slip of paper every time she meets a man that tells her how long the relationship will last, until she meets one where no expiration is given. I enjoyed this more than I imagined – thought it would just be a sappy romp, and I mean – that it was – but it also kind of hit.

7. Rebecca, Not Becky – Christine Platt and Catherine Wigginton Greene

I would have liked this better if I hadn’t listened to the audiobook, I think. This was interesting in that it was written jointly by a Black author and a white author, and centers around a Black female protagonist, and a white female protagonist who is on a constant  mission to prove that she is woke, and while she has all good intentions, it does tend to come off as performative – especially in the eyes of the Black character, whose family has just moved into a wealthy predominately white neighborhood. Lots of thought-provoking discussions on race and prejudice, and many uncomfortable moments as we watch Rebecca Not Becky go above and beyond to make a token Black friend.

But yeah, the audio narration was grating.

8. I Did It For You – Amy Engel

Holy shit, this one was a HOT MESS. 2 stars. Skip it. The “big reveal” was actually so fucking laughable.

Not to shame the Young Adult genre, but I actually had to to doublecheck Goodreads to see if this was YA because it felt like it was written for pre-teens. Nope. This burning sack of dog shit was meant for adult eyeballs.

9. Real Americans – Rachel Khong

Easy 5 stars. Solid. Will live in my head for years to come. I love a multi-generational immigrant saga. My favorite section was the first one though, following Lily, a Chinese American struggling to find her professional footing during Y2K times.

I read “Goodbye Vitamin” by Khong several years ago and that was also a 5-star. I have been waiting for this book since then and it was worth it. She is a phenomenal writer. Also? There is a touch of magical realism in this, as a bonus. Please read this.

(Holy shit, I just started to involuntarily sob as I thought about one of the final chapters, LOL, is the heat getting to me or is it just me being like OH HI I HAVE A HEART.)

10. They Call Us Enemy – George Takei

A graphic novel written by George Takei of Star Trek fame about his childhood days growing up in concentration camps in America during WWII. I cried so much reading this.

11. I Thought You Said This Would Work – Ann Garvin

Two old college friends (grudgingly) reunite on a roadtrip to get back their friend’s dog who was turned over to a shelter by her ex-husband. Oh, and the friend is in the hospital battling her second round of cancer. Aside from the cancer, this was a very silly romp of a book, lots of capers, lots of madcap action, lots of quirky characters picked up along the way. I rolled my eyes a lot but somehow, by the end of the book, I was like JESUS CHRIST and bawled my eyes out. All that silliness did nothing to prepare me, that’s for sure.

12. When Among Crows – Veronica Roth

An interesting Slavic fantasy, very quick read, and very obviously the beginning of a series. I did enjoy it but is 3 stars enough to continue on to the next book? I dunno. I think this might be a case where the audiobook could have enhanced my experience because I read that it’s a full cast, but I didn’t want to wait for it so I just read the physical version. Wow cool story Erin.

13. Hello Girls – Brittany Cavallaro and Emily Henry

A YA Thelma and Louise-ish? It was OK.

OK, I’m out. I got the new Riley Sager from the library today and I am excited to see if I love it or hate it, there’s never an in-between when it comes to me and Sager.

April was a blur and I barely remember reading any of these, but here are some books:

1. Wild Things by Laura Kay

Aw, I read this while in Korea. :( In hotel rooms, on trains, and on the plane – this was a pretty solid book to read while traveling. Not too terribly heavy, some good laughs, and a lot of collective “aw”s from the studio audience. A friend group move out to the country, buy a house together, raise chickens, and just kind of reset their lives. It made me want to flip my life on its head in a way, as well! Just…do something different. However! I wasn’t much of a fan of the protagonist. The other characters in the friend group were great but this broad was frustrating at times and didn’t have much of a personality.

Overall though, it was fun.

2. The Pachinko Parlour by Elisa Shua Dusapin

Apparently, I liked this because I gave it 4 stars but I don’t remember any of it, just that it was a very quick read.

3. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

Dude, everybody in Book Land has read this book, it feels like. I have been hearing about it for years. I’m not a huge romance reader, but out of curiosity – and because the audiobook was available – I gave it a whirl. And OK, OK, I get it. The writing was pretty damn good, the characters were well fleshed out. It was like reading an edgy cable sitcom. I really enjoyed the banter between the two work nemeses for sure but also – that this kind of behavior was going on in an office was pretty unbelievable.

4. Normal People by Sally Rooney

Another famous book on booktube. I. Fucking. Hated. This. I hated both main characters. I hated the writing. I hated it all. It was boring, insipid, and I did not give a shit AT ALL about these two idiots – Marianne especially. I kept hoping she was going to die.

5. Spoiled Brats: Stories by Simon Rich

OK, I’m not generally into short story collections but this one was funny. The only story I didn’t like was the very first one because *animal stuff* but the rest were right up my alley (that is to say: idiotic). My favorite was “Sell Out” – I wanted more! Then I found out it had been made into a movie (An American Pickle) starring Seth Rogen and now I need to watch it.

6. I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman

Three stars because the writing was fine but for me in particular, this story was not something I enjoyed. I mean, it’s about a bunch of women locked in a bunker who one day escape only to find that there is nothing left of the world. Is this really something meant to be enjoyed? I felt awful and uncomfortable – and hopeless – through the whole thing, and I guess that’s the point. My Goodreads review was a simple and succinct: “Bleak.”

7. The Day Tripper by James Goodhand

Ugh I forgot about this one. When will I get it through my thick head I just don’t like time travel. And I just didn’t like this book.

8. Weyward by Emilia Hart

First of all, can we take a moment to admire this exquisite book cover?

It’s the best part of the book.

I mean, the story itself was fine, but s l o w. There are three timelines and we’re following a different-but-related woman in each. I didn’t really prefer one over the other – each storyline had its merits and sluggy-sections. But I will say, the end was satisfying.

9. End of Story by A.J. Finn

Ugh. Not worth writing about. So hokey. 2 stars. Five stars for the author photo though, cute dog!

P.S. The audiobook was so fucking obnoxious.

10. Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano

4 stars. Sad, funny, cozy. Made me wish I grew up with a gaggle of sisters close to my age.

11. The Other Mothers by Katherine Faulkner

Three stars. Just a mid domestic thriller.

12. The Vacationers by Emma Straub

Not ground-breaking or even that memorable, but it was fun, chaotic, dysfunctional. Great characters. I want to go to Mallorca now. I will read more from Emma Straub. (Her dad – RIP – is my favorite horror writer!)

13. First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston

OK so a lot of this played out like some lame thriller TV show that Henry would be into but the end was SO GOOD. The last line especially. Love a good last line.

***

That’s all the page-flippin’ I did in April.

1. The House of Last Resort by Christopher Golden

A religious-y haunted house / possession book set in some fictional town in Sicily? God this should have been spectacular. The cover is, at least. It just never really WENT THERE. So much meandering. Then I realized this author also wrote All Hallows, which I hated, but I will say that this one at least read less like a YA horror script to be workshopped in a high school creative writing class. The only scene that really got me didn’t even take place in the house!!

3 stars. Not the worst. I guess.

2. Happiness Falls by Angie Kim

Angie Kim went to Stanford and Harvard and it shows in her writing. Not that it’s pretentious or highfalutin, but just SO SMART. The most unique “missing person” novel I’ve ever read. It’s fucking depressing but there were also some parts where I laughed out loud,  genuinely. Mia is a frustrating protagonist, unlikable the majority of the time, but also fascinating and being in her mind is incredible (and exhausting. and confusing.).

4 stars.

3. The Sweetest Remedy by Jane Igharo

Connecting with new family. A romance. Nigeria. I kind of wanted more, especially the Nigeria parts because I wanted to feel like I was there, and I didn’t. It was fine! 3 stars.

4. Reykjavík: A Crime Story by Ragnar Jónasson

An Icelandic thriller. It was OK but at some point, I stopped caring about what happened to some teenager in 1956, you know? March was a bad month for me to care about books, I think.  3 stars.

5. Rabbit Cake by Annie Hartnett

There is so much casual animal death in this book and the plot is beyond ridiculous but not in a “fun romp” kind of way. I think I actually hated this. 2 stars.

6. The Heiress by Rachel Hawkins

Rachel Hawkins is hit or miss with me. This was a miss. I didn’t give a shit about a single person in this book. The intrigue wasn’t there for me.  The cover is pretty though. 3 stars because it didn’t suck, maybe it was just me.

7. Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey

Really FUCKING good, actually. I gave this a 4 on Goodreads, but dude. Let’s be real – this was a 5. The main character was such a hot mess, relatable, root-for-able. I cried for her. I laughed with her. I laughed AT her. I cringed at her. The writing was vibrant, real, snappy, hilarious. When I found out that the author is an essayist, comedian, AND screenwriter, it made a lot of sense. This was my style.

I’m just sorry that I put off reading it for as long as I did – it was on my Scribd (Everand?) shelves for a good while.

8. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

4 stars but possibly because I felt obligated? I think to my taste, it really was more of a 3 but I can certainly understand why this book (and author) is so very beloved. And BLEAK.

9. The Girls in the Garden by Lisa Jewell

Another hit-or-miss author for me. This one was kind of a snooze. 5 star cover, 3 star story. Lisa’s writing itself is always nice, but her plots sometimes are just like WTF Lisa, come on.

10. Knock Knock, Open Wide by Neil Sharpson

2 stars. Fucking waste of time. Why is that every time I bring a book to Korea, it ends up being so terrible!? This was a joke of a horror book. I rolled my eyes through the whole thing. Way too long. No pay off. Dumb characters. If it wasn’t a library book, I’d have tossed it in the Han River JUST KIDDING I WOULD NEVER LITTER IN KOREA!!!!!!

*******

And that’s all of the mostly shitty books I read in March. We’re almost done with April here and I am still in a slump. I am craving a five star read. :( Maybe the new Emily Henry!?!?

Oh boy more books.

——————————————

1. Berlin by Bea Setton

3 stars. This lady was insufferable, maybe even more so than me. Still, I didn’t hate this. Parts of it read like a series of REALLY WELL-WRITTEN LiveJournal posts from the early 00s. Really well-written, but also wildly solipsistic and self-aggrandizing. So yeah, LJ posts but make them literary, I guess.

2. Come and Get It by Kiley Reid

3.5 – for most of the book, I wasn’t bored but I was constantly questioning wtf it was about so it was tough to get really immerse myself in the story. Then The Something happens about 3/4 of the way through and it’s…hilarious but also traumatic and then everything just falls like dominoes. Lots and lots of cringe and secondhand embarrassment.

I still question wtf this was even about, but it was entertaining and I loved Millie. And Collette.

3. Dark Corners (Rachel Krall, #2) by Megan Goldin

4 stars, made me want to go back to Florida since I was reading this during the dreadful month of February. A good, fast-paced thriller. Etc etc etc. This is #2 in a series and while I did read #1, I didn’t feel like it was the necessary to have read it.

4. People to Follow by Olivia Worley

And Then Were None but make it YA with a cast of pretentious YouTubers. By the time the killer was revealed, I wasn’t interested anymore nor did the motive even make sense to me. Also, I get that these were vapid 20-something social media darlings who were constantly distracted by their own refection, but the reactions to discovering each dead body was kind of….underwhelming? Eh, I’m sure this was a lot more fun for its intended audience.

5. Tom Lake by Ann Patchett

5 stars, but maybe 4.5 since I didn’t love this AS MUCH as The Dutch House. It took me about 1/4 of the way in to really get into it, but once I did, it became such a cozy read for me. I was jealous of the family dynamic – stories of close-knit families always sucker-punch me because I don’t have that with my family (I mean, my parents and siblings) and what I wouldn’t have given to be able to spend the early parts of Covid on my family’s cherry farm, listening to my mom tell us the story of her golden years, pre-marriage. This book doesn’t have a hard-driving plot, but it’s full of interesting characters, love, and family. I don’t know what else to say other than it resonated with me and I was hooked. And then I walked it back to the library while doing the “I’ve Just Been Crying” body shudder. Oh, and it’s narrated by Merril Streep! And she of course did a fantastic job except that she used a concerning “Tommy Pickles”-esque voice for one of the (adult!!) daughters and that was kind of annoying.

6. Y/N by Esther Yi

This way too literary for me. I was looking for a fun romp into the psyche of a delulu Kpop sasaeng but this was way too fever dreamy for me. I did not have a good time reading this.

7. That’s Not My Name by Megan Lally

4 stars – A great example of a YA thriller being better than a lot of adult thrillers. I couldn’t put this down! Dark, twisty, pulse-pumping. I LOVED the chapters where the boyfriend of the missing teen girl was doing his own damn detective work with two friends – it gave Teen Wolf (the series) vibes. The camaraderie was realistic, the dialogue was believable. It was entertaining without making the book corny.

8. Welcome to the Hyunam-Dong Bookshop by Hwang Bo-reum

4 stars – probably won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but I just really love Korean novels and this one played out like a slow, cozy slice-of-life K-Drama in my mind. I loved the natural progression of relationships between the bookstore owner, her barista, and her regular customers. This one moves slow, there is no real “climax,” it’s just….about life. And it’s precious. And thought-provoking.

9. The Quiet Tenant by Clémence Michallon

UGH THIS ONE HAD ME SCREAMING!! The Goodreads blurb says it best: A pulse-pounding psychological thriller about a serial killer narrated by those closest to him: His 13-year-old daughter, his girlfriend—and the one victim he has spared.

4 stars!

10. Whale by Cheon Myeong-Kwan

Yoooo. 5 stars. This book was sick. A wild ride. A fantastic saga. Trigger warnings galore. Brutal yet wickedly funny. Also? Probably not for everyone.

11. Penance by Eliza Clark

I was really into this and then..the end happened. This knocked it down to more of a 3.5 for me because I felt like it wasn’t necessary. Sometimes you don’t need a twist and it felt like it was tacked on because a certain word count needed to be met, I don’t know. It was jarring.

Anyway, pretty chilling but please look up content / trigger warnings. I can handle a lot but this one got very detailed w/r/t a school shooting and it was hard to read, being, you know, American and all.

12. My Roommate Is a Vampire by Jenna Levine

Eh. It was fine.

13. The Wonder State by Sara Flannery Murphy

4 stars for the plot, fucking weird man. I was into it. Maybe more of a 3 for the actual writing though. I felt like it could have been executed a bit better, especially the dialogue. There were some scenes where the conversation felt very rigid and unnatural.

14. The Reformatory by Tananarive Due

Solid 5 stars are you kidding me. This entire book is a masterpiece but the last several chapters had me holding my breath and shaking. Unforgettable, frustrating, beautifully written, devastating, characters as clear as day. I can’t recommend this book enough but be forewarned: it is BRUTAL. One of the best ghost stories I have ever read and will undoubtedly never forget.

I mean for Christ’s sake, it has a 4.52 average out of 8,151 ratings on Goodreads. The hype is real. This book deserves all the accolades it gets.

Can’t remember what I called the first half, but here are the next 10 books!

11. The Woman in the Library by Sulari Gentill

Three stars. This was entertaining but had just a bit too much going on. I thought it was interesting that it was a book-within-a-book but it also kind of made it clunky.

12. Night’s Edge (Night’s Edge, #1) by Liz Kerin

Three stars. A unique take on the vampire trope. Apparently, this is #1 in the series. Not sure if I was enrapt enough to continue.

13. The Naturals (The Naturals, #1) by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

A really fun YA Criminal Minds-esque romp. Also, ANOTHER series but I’m not sure if I will continue. This was meant to be a palate cleanser so that I didn’t fall into a reading slump.

14. Paris: The Memoir by Paris Hilton

Five stars. Fuck yeah, Paris. This was waaaay deeper than I expected it to be. I know it might seem like a lie, but I have always admired Paris Hilton and it was horrifying to read her firsthand accounts of the horrific abuse she experienced at the shitty “schools” she was sent to during her teen years. She endured a lot. It’s proof that sometimes being rich and famous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m glad that she was able to not hold this against her parents but I honestly don’t think I would have been able to be so forgiving if this happened to me.

15. Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun (Finlay Donovan, #3) by Elle Cosimano

First book was fantastic, second was eh, this was a slog to get through. The novelty has long since worn off, it’s not cute or interesting anymore, same-old, will not be continuing on with this series.

16. Life Ceremony by Sayaka Murata

Not usually a fan of short stories but I loved the other books I’ve read by Sayaka Murata so I took the plunge and so glad I did. The standouts for me were the title story, A First-Rate Material, and Lover on the Breeze which anthropomorphizes a curtain in a girl’s room (this one made me cry??? lol). I will read anything she writes.

My favorite review is from the author of the Heartstopper series, Alice Oseman: “Sayaka Murata says fuck societal norms! Start a family with your platonic best friend! Eat weeds you find in the city park! Make human stews to honour the dead! Have sex with a curtain!”

17. The Companion by E.E. Ottoman

Quick and boring read about a polyamorous, queer romance in 1948. I’m not its target audience so I hesitate to give it a more thorough review or a star rating, because really, it wasn’t for me! Writing wasn’t bad but what even was the plot?

18. Only If You’re Lucky by Stacy Willingham

2 stars. This was so bad. Boring, poorly-written, mistook it for YA – it’s not, and not a knock against YA but it just felt like this was written for high school girls. We are constantly reminded that LUCY IS JUST LIKE ELIZA, WHO IS DEAD IN CASE YOU FORGOT. WE DON’T KNOW HOW OR WHY YET BUT WE WILL EVENTUALLY FIND OUT AND WHEN WE DO, WE WILL ROLL OUR EYES. It was actually insulting how repetitive this one. It reminded me of the most recent Harlan Coben series on Netflix where we get FLASKBACKS anytime someone mentions something that happened several scenes ago. So fucking corny and cheesy, JUST LIKE THIS BOOK.

I have a lot of anger, clearly.

19. Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry

FML. I miss you, Matthew Perry. Everything about this is heartbreaking and yet still made me LOL numerous times. The amount of pain and suffering this man lived with. It is so depressing.  I do wish that it had been edited better. As a cultural icon, his story was an important one to tell and deserved a better editor.

20. Search History by Amy Taylor

A weird ending to a weird reading month. Three stars. Woman moves to a new city across Australia after her boyfriend breaks up with her, starts dating a new guy, finds out his ex-gf has died and becomes obsessed with scrolling through her Instagram, going as far as taking a class at the yoga studio where she taught and getting her hair done by her brother. Uncomfortable. Three stars.

***

THE END.

I don’t know what happened in January but I blasted through a shit-ton of books. TWENTY to be exact! To be fair, one was a children’s book, but all the others were normal-length books. I was just on a roll, had some downtime, and the library was really coming through with a bunch of books that I had requested.

Here is the first half!

1. Peaces by Helen Oyeyemi

My third Oyeyemi! I am going to be honest here, her books are a struggle for me to read because they are literary fiction for true academics. I am not an academic. But I appreciate Oyeyemi’s vocabulary, writing style, character creation, and world building. This book takes place almost exclusively on a magical train and centers around two guys on something of a honeymoon. I’m not sure that I fully understand any of her books, but I feel a certain way while reading them and I like it.

There. That’s my review.

2. What Red Was by Rosie Price

I believe I picked this book on a whim at the library, and I obviously liked it enough to rate it a 3.5. It wasn’t boring, it held my attention, it wasn’t poorly written. BUT I was a little confused about how the main character is raped by a relative of her best friend and it felt like we focused less on the main character and more on the family of the best friend.

And then there’s this strange scene where clues related to the rape and the rapist are displayed in a very public way, which at first I was like, “OH FUCK YEAH” but then remembered that the main character had not actually consented to THIS either. So, it just left me thinking about that for a while, how I would feel, etc.

Oh, my other gripe is that I believe we’re supposed to think that the best friend’s family is like, super interesting and well-to-do, Kennedys-esque maybe, but I just felt like they were whatever, nothing special, unremarkable.

3. Oksana, Behave! by Maria Kuznetsova

Oh, I really enjoyed this! Another one that I grabbed straight from the fiction shelf at the library, this one was based on that cutie cover, haha. This book follows the life of Oksana through a series of quirky and often poignant vignettes, starting with her move to Florida from the Ukraine as a young girl (7 I think?) with her parents and grandmother. The grandmother was the best part, IMO. Total spitfire!

4. Landline by Rainbow Rowell

Three stars. A failing marriage and magical landline to the 90’s. Sounds better than it was. I could have done without all the “talking to my two small daughters on the phone” moments. It got under my skin in a big way.

5. Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke

Working from home and communicating with coworkers via Jabber all day, the concept of this book was appealing to me. But then the Slack messaging format just got reallllly old. There’s a quirky sci-fi element in that one of the coworkers gets stuck *inside* Slack somehow but no one believes him, and then a very unexpected romance develops.

I think this would have worked better for me if the blocks of messages were broken up but chapters of actual narrative too. Give us SOME non-Slack content. Character backstories. I DON’T KNOW, SOMETHING, ANYTHING!

6. I’ll Take You There by Wally Lamb

I thought that I had read something by Wally Lamb before but I guess not. This might not have been the best to start with, but I found the plot interesting – 60-year-old Felix gets visited by a ghost at the movie theater where he holds a movie night for the classics, is visited by the ghost of some silent film-era director and then replays some scenes from his past on the screen.

Through these visits and personalized films, he’s able to understand more of what his sisters went through back in the 50s as girls, and then later, as women. So, it’s interesting. It didn’t make me cry though so do with that what you will.

7. The Last Word by Taylor Adams

Dude. I didn’t like No Exit much at all—it felt like it was Christopher Pike book for junior high kids and not knocking that because I LOVED CHRISTOPHER PIKE BOOKS when I was in elementary school, but you know…I wanted a more mature book at the mo’. So it’s actually kind of nuts that I picked this one up but I’m glad I did because I really enjoyed it! Was the main character annoying? No. Did I feel tense? Yes. Do any pets die? NO.

This was a good, solid thriller. 4 stars. I even recommended it to Henry.

8. Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang

OK Ling Ling Huang. Thanks for making me legit gag numerous times with the body horror. Jesus. I really enjoyed this horror-twist on the beauty industry and beauty standards, what people will pay to cheat ageing and genetics, as well as the lengths corporations will go to profit from human vanity. Well-written, the visuals it gave me will haunt me for years.

9. The Skull by Jon Klassen

The aforementioned kid’s book. But to be fair, I used to read Chooch books illustrated by Jon Klassen but this was one was also written by him, it’s his retelling of a traditional Tyrolean folktale. Look at that cover!

10. Idol, Burning by Rin Usami

Just swap out Jpop with Kpop, introduce me to the stanning lifestyle when I’m 16, and I could have been the main character in this book. I think that’s all you need to know about this one, lol. I really enjoyed it.

************************

So, there you have the first round of books I read in January.

Why does it seem like December was so long ago already? I legit can’t even remember the books I read now, without consulting Goodreads. December did a number on me. No five stars but some solid 4s. (You know what’s hilar is that I think somewhere along the line, I stopped putting my star ratings for each book, oh well, lol.)

1. The Breakaway by Jennifer Weiner

4 stars. Not my FAVE Weiner (hahahaha) but I enjoyed this and the alternating POVs. Her books aren’t necessarily literary masterpieces, but they do entertain me and have just the right amount of drama and conflict without being too heavy-handed. I don’t want to say these are light and fluffy – this one has a teen pregnancy storyline – but I would still put these in the “beach read” category. Plus, a Jennifer Weiner book was one of the first ones I took out of the library in January 2020 when I pledged to read more, so there’s some FOND ASSOCIATION there.

What I enjoyed the most about this was that most of it takes place on the road as a group of bikers ride from NYC to Buffalo. Still being nostalgic and sentimental from our coaster trip, it had some relatable feels for me, being in a group and befriending people simply because you’re together, doing the same thing. Love that. Leave me alone.

2. Pride and Prejudice and Pittsburgh by Rachael Lippincott

4 stars. This was a cute time travel, sapphic twist on Pride & Prejudice. I wish there had been more Pgh parts but most of the book takes place in the past, in England. A quick, cute read.

3. To Sir, with Love by Lauren Layne

4 stars – maybe more like 3.5. Predictable romance but I genuinely liked the couple and that made it fun. Another cute, quick read.

4. His Black Tongue by Mitchell Lüthi

3 stars for the audiobook production. *shrugs* Nothing about this scared me. I’m glad I opted for the audiobook though because the production was excellent and included some creepy Gregorian (or similar?) chants. Very atmospheric. But the stories themselves didn’t really enthrall me. (Disclaimer: I was also listening to this the day before Chingumas and I was extremely stressed out so factor that in.)

5. Becoming the Boogeyman by Richard Chizmar

4 stars. Creepy, engaging, entertaining. Shout out to Megan for clueing me into this series. Chasing the Boogeyman was better, but this was a solid follow-up IMO.

6. The Block Party by Jamie Day

3 stars. Basically a season of Desperate Housewives with less compelling characters.

7. The Book of the Most Precious Substance by Sara Gran

4.5 stars. YES. Yes yes yes. A book dealer goes on a whirlwind, worldwide quest to procure this ancient witchy sex book for a mystery buyer. Loved it. Interesting, exciting, engaging, memorable. Kind of…OK hear me out…Dan Brown vibes but so much better and smarter.

8. Good Bad Girl by Alice Feeney

3 stars. Alice Feeney is so hit-or-miss. This one had too many women to follow and none of them were interesting. The twist was mid. The whole time, I kept thinking, “How is this the same author who wrote Daisy Darker?” One upside to this is that all of the chapters were relatively short and I do love me a book with short chapters.

9. Margarettown by Gabrielle Zevin

4 stars. I almost DNFd this after the first chapter or two and I’m really glad I stuck it out. I was weeping by the end. This line of the synopsis speaks volumes: “What he doesn’t know is that loving Maggie means loving many women at once.” This book read like a beautiful love letter to women. I felt seen. Maybe Henry should read this.

10. The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey

3 stars. A retelling-ish of Pinnochio from Geppetto’s POV. Not for me but I can see where this would appeal to others. Most of the book takes place inside the whale and it just felt a bit, you know, well, claustrophobic. I wish there had been more “outside of the stomach” flashbacks.

11. Nestlings by Nat Cassidy

4.5 stars. OK NAT CASSIDY CALM DOWN. You are already my new favorite horror writer, stop showing off.  I didn’t love this quite as much as Mary, but this was damn near flawless in my eyes. A modern take on Rosemary’s Baby and done beautifully. Ana is a fucking bad-ass main character and I rooted for her the whole way through. One thing to note with Cassidy’s books – ya gotta read the foreword and author’s notes. Ya just gotta. I am such a fan girl. I love him lots. His writing is chef’s kiss, his characters are so vivid, and his scene-setting is glorious.

I always say that when/if we ever buy a house and actually have room for a book shelf, I want to go back and buy physical copies of my faves and both of Nat Cassidy’s book will be on those supposed shelves, you can bet.

12. The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston

4 stars. I needed this. A little magical realism, a little romance, a funeral home in a small town as a setting….this was precious. I cried, BUT I ALSO LAUGHED.

13. Nineteen Claws and a Black Bird by Agustina Bazterrica

3 stars. Short stories. Some are better than others. None were particularly scary/creepy/thrilling.  There was one I loved about a woman who wants her body to be a circle, though. Most of them made me extremely uncomfortable and that’s what I want horror to do, so this wasn’t a total bust.

14. Look Closer by David Ellis

3 stars. Long for no reason. The main character Simon was so milquetoast and whiny, I couldn’t stand him. What’s a synonym for “mid”?

*************

OK, that wraps up my December reads. Read ’em and weep (I dunno why I said that, please don’t cry).

I set a goal of 80 books for 2023 because I wanted to slow my roll a little and focus more on quality, etc. etc. But AS PER UJE, I got all embroiled in Booktube suggestions and hype and then started selecting random audiobooks to listen to on my walks (a lot of them were soooo bad too because I always tend to go for thrillers when it comes to audiobooks-for-walking) and somehow ended up reading MORE than the year before (only by 6 but still): 136.

I dunno, I think reading became my nervous tic since the pandemic.

Anyway, who cares. I did read a lot of great ones last year and here are some that I would whole-heartedly recommend and, as I always say, if I ever one day own a house and have room for a bookshelf (which I do not currently), these would be books I would definitely want to grace the shelves. (Cancel me if I ever start doing obnoxious ombre bookspine organizing or whatever).

I still have to recap my December reads, but here are my 2023 5-star faves in no particular order; click the cover to go to each Goodreads page:

I don’t have an intro unless you count this as an intro, if so, say hello to my intro.

1. The Demon of Brownsville Road – Bob Cranmer

Ughhhh. Janna tried to warn me that this book is abysmal and she DNF’d it, but I am a stubborn ass and needed to see for myself. So yes, I knew going into this that the book had a bad rep but I was still interested since I have lived near this area all of my life. Just…wow. This book is TRASH. Terrible writing, boring, DID YOU KNOW HE WAS FRIENDS WITH MAYOR TOM MURPHY. He mentions it approx. 87 times lest we, the big stoop readers, forget.

I was totally rooting for the demon because this guy was so annoying not to mention a megalomaniac and Republican to boot. Literally the only characters I liked were the dog and cat. I can’t believe this book was ever published, it was so shittily written and had way too much information about Bob’s non-Brownsville house years that we were, for some reason, expected to give a shit about? I think this man just thinks way too highly of himself and somehow thinks the rest of us should too.

I should have listened to you, Janna. There, I said!

2. There’s No Way I’d Die First – Lisa Springer

2 stars. A bunch of shitty, rich high school kids are terrorized by a killer clown at a Halloween house party. Look, I get that this is YA but the assumption that a book can’t be good just because it’s YA is so incorrect. But this YA book definitely fulfills that stereotype. One-dimensional characters. Far-fetched but not in a fun way plot. I should have DNF’d this one but it was “morning walk audiobook.”

3. The Boyfriend Candidate – Ashley Winstead

3 stars. I loved how it started, the fake-dating trope worked for me here, but a lot of this was just plain boring. It was just like Winstead’s other romance, which centered around the main character’s older sister, so this is sort of like #2 in an unofficial series, I guess. Much like that book, this one was also super political, centered around a campaign, and it’s not even that I don’t like politics, but those parts were just very boring and drawn-out IMO.

What is up with Winstead writing great first novels–her first thriller was a 5-star for me, and the aforementioned first romance was a 4 I think – the older sister was a much more fun character to follow, honestly.

4. None of This Is True by Lisa Jewell

I really enjoy Lisa Jewell’s domestic thrillers. They’re twisty and entertaining, which is all you can ask for in a thriller, right? I thought that this one started out strong. I was into it – birthday twins who meet when they’re celebrating their birthday at the same restaurant. One is a put-together, successful podcaster and the other is a plain Jane married to a man double her age. Ugh, I hated her. She was insufferable. At some point though, I realized that I just didn’t care about any of these people and by the time the twist was revealed, I was just kind of like, “OK shrug.” I realize that a lot of thrillers require you to suspend disbelief, but for some reason, I just couldn’t do that with this one. The writing was fine, and from an audiobook POV, I enjoyed the podcast portions.

I gave it a three, which isn’t bad. It’s just that I’ve read better Lisa Jewell books.

5. Now You’re One of Us by Asa Nonami

This a pretty short Japanese thriller with Rosemary’s Baby vibes about a young woman who gets married and moves in with her husband and his parents and extended family. She can’t believe how lucky she is because his family so carefree and down-to-earth, but then a neighbor commits suicide by setting fire to his house and taking his whole family with him. The new wife starts to get suspicious when she COMES TO FIND OUT that there is a connection between him and her husband’s family. I thought it was ok! Not every groundbreaking, but it held my interest and these days, that’s all I can ask for.

6. Midnight Is the Darkest Hour by Ashley Winstead

OOF. I gave this a three now that I’m looking at Goodreads, but I think I needed to subtract a star in hindsight. I don’t even know where to start. I’m starting to think that Ashley Winstead isn’t one person, or she has multiple writing personas, because so far all three of her thrillers were seemingly written by different people. I can’t reconcile the fact that the same person who wrote In My Dreams I Hold a Knife also wrote this Twilight fanfic word-slop. And that ending. That ain’t it. I gave this a 3 because I somehow thought it was less-bad than The Last Housewife, but I’m going to knock off a half star after pondering it a bit more.

7. The Narrow by Kate Alice Marshall

OK now this is what I was talking about when I said “just because a book is YA…” earlier in this post. I really enjoyed this interesting, unique sapphic ghost story. I liked every character – they were well-written and came alive more and more in my mind as the story was told, and the boarding school setting was just the cherry on top.

8. The September House by Carissa Orlando

FIVE FUCKING STARS FIVE FUCKING STARS DING-DINGDING-DOO. A quirky, unique haunted house novel, hilariously written while somehow making me want to retch with some of the grisly descriptions. I…am smitten with this book, didn’t want it to end, am smiling right now in real time while thinking of some of the characters (Frederica!!). The quick rundown is that this book is told from the POV of a middle aged woman, Margaret who, along with her husband, finally move away from a lifetime of renting and purchase their first home, which upon first set seems like their dream house. Except that it’s a hotspot for hauntings, especially in September when shit really hits the fan every year. After three years, the husband is like, “I’M OUT” and leaves, so that’s where the story starts. Our main character is like, “No because look, this is my DREAM HOUSE and I am not going ANYWHERE” so she finds ways to sort of appease some of the ghosts (she can’t get the walls to stop bleeding though) and then when her adult daughter realizes that’s been a minute since she talked to the dad, she is all, “I AM COMING OUT THERE” and then hilarity ensues as Margaret practically barrel rolls through the house trying to keep the hauntings at bay, but then it inevitably turns into a bit of a Drop Dead Fred scenario once the daughter arrives. This was gold. About to see if Carissa Orlando is on IG so I can BE IN THE KNOW when she publishes her next book!

9. Gorgeous Gruesome Faces (Gorgeous Gruesome Faces, #1) by Linda Cheng

YA horror centered around several Asian American girls trying to become kpop stars. I wanted to like this way more than I did.

10. The Woman in Me by Britney Spears

Five stars for having the courage and strength to take back her life and put the truth out there. And she didn’t even go hard against her family and everyone else out there who screwed her over – that speaks volumes. My family better change their names if I ever decide to write a tell-all because I don’t think I could be that understanding and mature about it! I whipped through this entire book on Thanksgiving. I have loved Britney since her debut with Hit Me Baby and my love never wavered no matter how many of my friends made fun of me (I guess it’s supposed to be impossible to like goth music and also bubblegum pop, I dunno, that sounds like a rule to me and I don’t like rules) and will always have her back.

P.S. I know we all BEEN KNEW but man fuck her little prissy bitch ass sister.

11. Butcher & Blackbird (Ruinous Love, #1) by Brynne Weaver

Eh. I felt like a lot of this was ripped directly from the show Hannibal. Basically, two Dexters (one guy, one broad) are competing with each other to be the first to murder another serial killer. It’s supposed to be thrilling I guess (it was at times) and also a romance but I honestly was skipping over the XXX parts because it was so corny. It ended on a cliffhanger but watch me not pick up the next one.

12. Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova

I really have nothing else to say about this other than it’s beautifully written and one of the more interesting takes on horror that I’ve read. Basically, a grieving mother “grows back” another version of her recently-deceased son by taking part of his lung and “feeding it.” I gave this a 4 only because it’s technically supposed to be horror but there was nothing about it that actually scared me.

13. The Night House by Jo Nesbø

Another interesting horror! The translation of this was great, the writing was great, the characters were great. Starts off strong with a kid getting sucked into and eaten by a telephone in a phone booth and the other kid who’s with him struggling to get the authorities to believe him about what happened.  This is my second Jo Nesbo and I’m down for more.

_______________

*outro*

Uh, somehow, I forgot to my October book recap, I can’t imagine why. #stress #changes #newneighbors #help

1. Delicate Condition – Danielle Valentine

I gave this a 4 at the time based on peer pressure, but in hindsight this was barely a 3. Just go read Rosemary’s Baby instead.

2. Just Another Missing Person – Gillian McAllistor

I really enjoyed this multiple POV thriller. My second McAllister book – I think she’s going on the short list of authors whose new releases  I look forward to! This was a very twisty missing person (wow you don’t say) story and the only issue I had was that one of the POVs was kind of pointless and didn’t add very much to the plot, and she wasn’t even an interesting character.

3. Mary – Nat Cassidy

Yoooo, remember what I was just saying up there about Gillian McAllistor? Punt Nat Cassidy to the top of that short list because his horror-writing skillz made my heart swell. Interesting characters; biting, snappy, witty dialogue; actual well-written horror scenes that made me feel sickly and gave me chills even while listening to this audio book (superb narration BTW) in broad daylight on neighborhood strolls. I LOVED THIS BOOK. If I was backed into a wall to give a gripe, I guess I would just say that it felt a tad longer than it needed to be. But the characters! The ghosts! The story! M A R Y!! There were parts to this book that I felt under my skin. Loved it. His new book is currently waiting for me at the library so I will RUN NOT WALK there tomorrow after work to snatch it up!

4. The Family Game – Catherine Steadman

Eh. Writing was fine. Really unlikeable characters – some intentionally unlikeable, but I didn’t care for even the good ones. Unoriginal plot. Just eh. Mindless thriller.

5. A House With Good Bones – T.Kingfisher

This is my third or fourth Kingfisher book and I just adore their writing. Dialogue can break a book for me so easily, I don’t give a shit how well-built a world is or how brilliant the plot is. If someone can’t write natural discourse for their characters, then I am immediately taken out of the story.  But this was chef’s kiss, an original take on the haunted house trope, and honestly it was also a depressing and very real exploration into family dynamics and loss. I highly recommend this. ESPECIALLY the audio.

6. Burn the Negative – Josh Winning

See above re: dialogue writing because I’m sorry Josh but you ain’t Winning at that. This wasn’t even remotely scary, but actually so fucking stupid which sucks because the synopsis made it sound like something I would love.

7. Looking Glass Sound – Catriona Ward

I loved “Last House on Needless Street” by this author so I was stoked when this arrived at the library for me. Guys. I’m sad. It was FINE but it didn’t punch me in the face like her last book. Also it was kind of hard to follow and I’m still not sure I completely understood it so maybe this book is actually utterly brilliant and I’m just too much of a stoop.

However, I can’t deny that Ward is an incredibly gifted and smart writer. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right place for this one. October was pretty fucked up for me emotionally and mentally, so…let’s blame it on that. I might revisit this one day.

8. Lay Your Body Down – Amy Suiter Clarke

It was OK. If you enjoy religious coverups / church scandals / grooming / then you might like this one. I like all of those and in theory this book should have been super enthralling to me, but it ended up being just OK, fine. I think I’m just too hard to shock because when “the thing” was revealed, I was just like *shrugging unicorn emoji* Why am I so hard to please.

9. Death Valley – Melissa Broder

Oh how it pains me to say that I only gave this a 3. I loved Broder’s Milk Fed so goddamn much, it was a 5-star for me, so this one was highly anticipated. Oh, it still was packed with her irreverent asides and hilarious comedic writing, but it was the story itself that fell flat for me personally. I loved the first half. I loved her conversations with the desk people at the Best Western she was staying at, and her subsequent unhinged sexual fantasies involving them. But then she gets lost in the desert and the rest of the book is just a fever dream fuller of inner monologues and observations. I quickly grew bored, I’m so sorry Melissa!!

10. Black Sheep – Rachel Harrison

LOVE this writer so much. She is top tier with witty dialogue, and her ability to write…well, not really “horror comedy,” but maybe…”light-hearted horror”? Is that corny. That’s corny. That’s too Lifetime. Quirky horror. We’ll go with that. She writes the disgusting scenes, isn’t afraid to get bloody, but her books still have me cracking up bigly. I’m glad that I didn’t read much about this one going in because I had no idea what the actual plot was, aside from the fact that it’s about a woman who goes back home to the town she couldn’t wait to escape. And her mother is a great American scream queen, but I just kept picturing her as Elvira, lol.  This was a great read, perfect for October.

11. Cover Story – Susan Rigetti

I needed this book more than I realized after a month of horror and lots of misses. It was quick, engaging, set in NYC and partially revolving around an ELLE internship, turns into a caper. This was a lot of fun. And I liked that there were emails and text messages breaking up some of the chapters.

***

And that was October. I guess 5 “I really liked this” books isn’t too bad…?

I read these during the 9th month of the year 2023.

1. You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood – Eric Larocca

Short read, very graphic, a novella within a novella that, according to the Goodreads reviews, makes not a lick of sense to many others and not just me so I feel less dumb.

I didn’t hate it, but it also didn’t really do much for me. Read at your own risk.

2. Rosemary’s Baby – Ira Levin

Can you believe I have never read this?? Of course, I’ve seen the movie adaptation, but I wanted to give the book a whirl and see if it holds up. IT DOES. I mean, obviously not in the sense that a husband could essentially rape his wife back then and the wife will just shrug it off like, “Well, he IS the man of the house and this is what I signed up for, that reminds me, I need to check the answering service for messages and then finish clipping my coupons.” So, you know, you’re very aware of what decade this takes place. But as far as the horror-aspect, shooooooo. I was hooked. In this aspect, Rosemary’s Baby totally holds up and is just as suspenseful and effective in 2023. In fact, this was way better than probably 90% of the new horror I’ve been clawing my way through.

Now I need to revisit the movie. It’s been YEARS. Maybe since I was in high school??

3. Seven Years of Darkness – You-Jeong Jeong

YES. YES YES YES YES. Monica-Explaining-Female-Erogenous-Zones level of YES. FIVE STARS – chilling, atmospheric, suspenseful, terrifying, SO SAD. Just thinking about this has me filling up with body-shaking emotions. Highly recommend it. Memorable characters, unique plot, Korea please turn this into a movie. (NOT YOU, HOLLYWOOD. BACK OFF.)

4. The Borrowers – Rebecca Makkai

Another 5-star from Rebecca Makkai. After four 5-star books from her (IMO ANYWAY), I felt inspired to sign up for her newsletter like this is 2002. She is a queen at story-telling and the way she works with words makes me positively giddy. I appreciate her writing so much. And I love that this book is about a librarian!!! I LOVE LIBRARIES.

5. 6. and 7. The Summer I Turned Pretty series: Jenny Han

I devoured all three of these books. I LOVED the first one, REALLY LIKED the second one, and LIKED the third one which kind of went off the rails a little bit. Neither #2 nor #3 was able to fully capture the magic and vibe of the first in the series because that one was set fully at the beach in the summer with the full cast / families.

I started to watch the TV series and even though there are A LOT of differences between season one and book one, I still genuinely liked the show. I couldn’t get through season two though. Sorry.

Jenny Han is just so great though. I would love to see her try her hand at an adult novel sometime too!

8. The Invention of Sound – Chuck Palahniuk

I went through a Chuck P. kick when I was in my late 20s and back then I probably would have considered him to be one of my inspirations for the flash fiction I used to write. It’s been A LONG time since I read anything of his, and I grabbed this off a shelf at the library feeling real inspired to get back into it.

I HATED this book SO MUCH. I found the writing itself to be so tiresome and cringe, and the plot was like….what. I was bored, confused, annoyed, disgusted. These are not things that are conducive to a good reading experience. So now I’m wondering – was it just THIS book, or have I “outgrown” him?

The only thing I got out of this was learning that psychopaths lack whatever it is in our brains that make yawns “contagious” which is how I THEN learned that neither Henry nor Chooch are affected in the slightest at the sight of someone yawning.

FUCKING GREAT.

I can sit here with my cat and we will yawn back and forth all day, I swear to god. I read the word “yawn,” and off I go. In this case, I just yawned until my eyes watered simply from typing the y-word.

But yeah, fuck this book hard into a garbage disposal though.

9. Bright Young Women – Jessica Knoll 

DUDE 5 STARS but possibly this is partially due to the audiobook because Sutton Foster is one of the two narrators. Still this is a super engaging and entertaining dual-timeline take on the Ted Bundy murders. If you like true crime, I highly recommend this. I appreciate that he is NEVER NAMED, not once, throughout the book but if you know even the most basic facts about him, you would be able to put two and two together. Instead, it focuses on several of the victims, and the people around them whose lives were affected for, well, ever.

10. The Shadow Cabinet – Juno Dawson

Another 5 star read! Four for the month of September? Is it true?? This is the second book in the Her Royal Majesty’s Cabinet series and while I tend to shy away from book series because, commitment, I am well, COMMITTED to this one. The characters, the action, the magic, the twists, the witty banter. I’m here for it. The sequel was JUST as wonderful as the first one and I cannot for the third installment. I have hopes that perhaps it will expand from just a “trilogy” though? Please, Juno Dawson?

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And that’s what I read in September. Take it or leave it.

Hi. I barely read in August. I think I went into it too cocky and brought three (3!!) books on vacation with me. OK, Erin. Calm down. I didn’t read AT ALL until the flight back to the States, and even then, it was only about 30 pages. I don’t know why I thought I was going to read on the bus during our vacation. Hello, I was too busy being practically cupping my ears so that I wouldn’t miss a single conversation around me!! The bus was so entertaining every day! (Henry and Chooch probably will say otherwise, but that’s because they’re not coated in nosiness and rolled in powdery FOMO like I am.)

Anyway, here are the very few books I did read!

1. The Guest – Emma Cline

After checking this out of the library and realizing that I also read Cline’s other book, The Girls, I started to think it was a mistake, assumed there was a big possibility it could be a DNF, and almost didn’t even give it a chance. But then I started reading it and couldn’t stop. It does start out slow, like “Where the fuck is this going?” and it’s also one of those “cool hot Williamsburg girl” books that I usually “DON’T GET” because I’m too old and don’t wear, I dunno, corduroy pants and belly shirts. But I was invested in this bitch’s end of the summer saga, basically being homeless in some bougie area of Long Island after her sugar daddy kicks her out, dodging some dude who she owes a bunch of money to, and just basically using every motherfucker that gets caught in her human-hurricane path.

Somehow, for as little redeeming qualities as she had, I still found myself rooting for her and just eating up the words on every page with a fucking grapefruit spoon, mmkay. This book might not for you or you, but I bet it’s for you. Yeah, you. Over there.

2. Yellowface – R.F. Kuang

If you’re even MODERATELY into books, you have likely seen this on a bunch of best-of lists. Four stars for me, fam. The writing was smart, the plot was fresh, and it shone a spotlight on racism and appropriation in a unique way that challenged my way of thinking several times. I feel like when it comes to topics like these, we should never stop checking ourselves and allowing the discomfort to happen because that’s how we grow. And this book definitely had me tugging at my collar more than once. It’s not finger-waggy at all though – strip that all away and you’re still left with an entertaining and tense (and at times, funny) novel about the publishing industry and plagiarism. (JANNA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE THIS.)

I read The Poppy War by Kuang a few years ago but that was like, a 600-page fantasy – it blows my mind that this is the same writer. She is stupidly talented!

3. We Were Never Here – Andrea Bartz

Remember last month when I read another Bartz book and hated it so much? Well, I had also checked this one out of the library at the same time and returned it with the other book without even bothering to try out the first page. But then I snagged it on audio because I’m a sucker and needed something to listen to on my morning walks when we came back from vacation. Wow, this book was less bad than the last one of hers I read, but still not great. 2.5.

4. Dead Eleven – Jimmy Juliano

Oh, how I wanted this to be a 5-star read. I really, really did. The plot was great, I loved the writing, the characters were interesting. I loved that it was “set” in 1992. I loved the OJ and pog references. But I didn’t love that it didn’t scare me. I still think I would recommend this to anyone looking for a supernatural horror book because I feel like most people aren’t as picky as me when it comes to horror?? I want to have the “icy chills on a 90 degree summer afternoon” type of experience while reading horror. I LOVE horror books in the summer. But I just have a tough time finding ones that get under my skin. Please help me.

5. All-Night Pharmacy – Ruth Madievsky

I truly had no idea what was going on through most of this – lots of drugs, sex, people being shitty to each other. But when that shit wasn’t going on, there were moments of brilliance here. Basically, the main character has a very dependent and toxic relationship with her older sister, and then accidentally-maybe-on-purpose stabs her one night then spends the next two years somewhat-searching for her after she disappears. I don’t know, it’s a weird one. Not relatable for me AT ALL and I was bored for long swathes of it, but then somehow, the very last line of the book made me fucking laugh out loud. Three stars. Again, I feel like this is the type of book girls in their early 20s who dress like it’s 1995 and mommy bought them everything out of the Delia*s catalogue would devour on the bus to a rave in Brooklyn.

***

And that’s all from me for August. :( I usually average 10 books a month but sometimes you gotta take your nose out of the books and marathon roller coasters in Europe for 2 weeks!