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Christlike Crushes
It was a mild Sunday evening when Henry and I decided to take the kid for a leisurely after dinner stroll around the neighborhood. We managed to make it three blocks before colliding with a pair of Mormon elders, looking especially clean cut and dashing in their dress shirts and meticulously parted
If You Ever Wanted to Induce a Heart Attack
I want to talk about something that changed my life, something that made me appreciate terra firma. I want to talk about a mean little thrill ride called the Swingshot. Clickie for video of its gnashing jaws of death in action When the Swingshot was the new ride for summer '06 at Kennywood
Kennywood Anticipation
We drove past our local amusement park -- Kennywood -- yesterday while out and about. Usually, seeing the hill of the Phantom's Revenge jutting out from the park, appearing to touch the clouds, barely fazes me, but yesterday it kind of shocked me with a thrill. Maybe because it's about to open in tw
Westmoreland County Fair, alright? PART ONE
Before I regale you with the story of our (not so) debaucherous trip to the Westmoreland County Fair last Wednesday, I feel that it's prudent to backpedal and preface that yarn with another tale that is absolutely wrought with horror and gore. It all happened in the wee hours of Sunday, August 23
Vegetarian Beer Dinner, 2007
(Ed Note: Hello, I am reposting this from LiveJournal because I haven't made fun of Kara and Janna in awhile, and the memory of this evening brings me great joy. Also, Wordpress can get fucked.) Vegetarian Beer Dinner Wednesday September 26, 2007 I had been looking forward to this dinner for a few
Freaky Features: The Tiny Tragedies
Coral Armour of the Tiny Tragedies was one of the first members of Etsy's Dark Side that I came across. I remember this distinctly because it was last fall and I desperately wanted something from her shop but Henry said NO because he's MEAN and clearly was home sick the day all the boys learned abJul 9
This Is What My Tweets Look Like Since LoudTwitter Fell Down, Went Boom (& is now sucking dicks of the dead)
Tweets: Now in reverse order! The Monday – Thursday edition! Suck on a dick!
- I need a life. #whyimakeuphashtags
- Sucking on the wrong nipple. #consequencesofcarseatsex
- Getting stale Cheerios stuck to your asscheeks. #consequencesofcarseatsex
- Asked Chooch what it feels like sitting in his poop & he said interesting. Gonna have him sit on canvas to see if it LOOKS interesting too.
- In lighter news, my son has taken to sticking things up his asshole.
- My mom is still in the hospital & I have no idea what’s going on.
- Alisha has the worst luck apartment hunting and drags me along for the ride.
- Chooch’s life lesson of the day: Never trust a mommy with a squirt gun. Dummy.
- I am sunburnt and have a major case of music hangover, but it feels so good. Until tonight when post show depression sets in.
- I have no words for Jeffree Starr. Actually I have a lot. Just no desire to type it out.
- I will never get used to anyone other than anthony green singing “7 years.”
- Dance Gavin Dance make me want to form an army. They’re so good live.
- http://twitpic.com/9q38r – Old man, asleep at Warped Tour.
- Man, I wish I had a neckbrace.
- Do not piss off Black Tide. #tryingtoavoidriotsatwarpedtour
- Waiting for A Day To Remember & Henry is nervously asking me questions about them.
- Nick Martin can scream in my face all day long.
- http://twitpic.com/9p8n7 – Waiting for Chiodosssssss. Henry just peed a little.
- I’m going to miss Deanna after she gets trampled in the Chiodos pit:(
- Thank you to the girl on Etsy who just bought 3 of my bathroom plaques – now I can buy a tshirt! #warpedtourrapesmywallet
- http://twitpic.com/9p5lt – “But now ppl will know I’m with you” – Henry
- Every time I ask Henry to get in a picture with me, he says he’s busy.
- Repeating myself 14x to Henry. #thingsidontloveaboutwarpedtour
- I have to love a band who congratulates the Penguins for winning the Cup and then immediately dogs on the Pirates.
- All the older, decidedly less scene people are over here waiting for Bayside. Henry still sticks out like a sore dick though.
- Approaching Ernie Ball Stage for Remember Thy Name & walking into a barrage of growls, Henry mumbled “oh boy I love them already.”
- Gates just opened & I squealed. Henry is frowning.
- Some guy in a band asked ppl behind us what bands they came to hear & Henry mumbled “Exit & See Ya Next Year.” We’re not even inside yet!
- “He doesn’t even have a chin, how could he know what to do?” – Deanna on the Live Nation parking boy.
- The only bad thing about @saucalisha not coming today is that I won’t have a bevy of gum at my disposal.
- Never had a use for the word “bicker” until Blake & Deanna were in the backseat of my car.
- Just heard vagina slams instead of Virginia Slims.
- The worst part of Warped Tour is waiting for Henry to get his shit together so we can fucking go.
- Nothing is cuter than a little kid laughing in his sleep. Well, except for a wino drinking rabbit blood in an alley.
- Can never sleep on Warped Tour Eve.
- Going with @saucalisha to look at apartments today made me want to move. WITH OR WITHOUT HENRY. & preferrably next to kickball fanatics.
- The doctors think my mom had a stroke, she’s being admitted. I don’t feel a single fucking emotion over it. I wish I did.
- Weren’t @ soccer field for 30 seconds before Chooch fell, scraped his knee. Then he got tangled in a net & hit in the mouth w/ wiffle ball.
- http://twitpic.com/9mbjk – Sweat-styled hair.
- My mom just called & I sat here staring at the phone. Just…no energy for this.
- This time tomorrow, I’ll have perma-smile, Henry will have perma-scowl, and Chooch will probably have gotten lost 3x.
- Heard Janna say “I want 2 get a baby performer” rather than “baby pool 4 him” &I’m like “How hard does she think it is 2 entertain my son?”
- My new playground boyfriend has a German shepherd named Trina & firecrackers at home.
- Playgrounds: putting me in awkward predicaments since 2006.
- Henry, it’s time you talk to Chooh about why his weener sometimes stands up. I would if I could, you know, stop laughing.
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Oh honestly, Erin. (See what I did there?) Glad you are still posting these because I have no use for Twitter apart from your tweets. They always make me snort!(Not coke. Well, not always.)
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