I’ve been around the past week or so, but not in blogging mode. I hate when that happens, because blogging is like, my favorite thing to do. Here is a succint (hahahahaha) breakdown of what I’ve done the last 8 days.
- Went to Rogers, Ohio for some flea market that has enthusiasts all over jerking off in porta johns over its large expanse. I believe my immediate thought on this shit hole was, “Yeah, it’s huge, but that just means it’s more room for people to dump their shit.” It was like “Crap, shit, junk…oh that’s sort of cool…shit, trash, tetanus-hazard.” There were also pens upon pens of puppies and Henry said NO to each one. Fucker. And then every time I would see something I wanted (which wasn’t often), he’d be all, “THEN WE HAVE TO CARRY IT ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE CAR.” Well, excuse me, geriatric. And I love how he slapped down $3.50 for a fucking jar of horseradish with no hesitation. It was a decidedly non-fun outing.
- Last Saturday, we went to Living Treasures, which is a glorified petting zoo. But they also have tigers and shit like that there too, and it’s better than the zoo in that you can actually get up close without having to peer through snot-streaked glass. Chooch rushed us through, and then we went on a really lame “safari” ride, which cost an extra $4 per person to essentially see everything we had already seen, but from a different angle, while two huge horses pulled us in a wagon. Basically, I paid $4 to have a baby sit next to me and pull my hair the whole time.
- One of my old high school friends was in town for her bridal shower (which I couldn’t attend, oops), and stopped by Monday night to visit. She’s one of those crazy cats who decided to save herself for marriage (no seriously, I actually do respect her for that), so she is positively GIDDY that her wedding is coming up in less than a month. She was talking to me about birth control and was all, “Oh my god, you don’t use birth control??” and I’m all, “No and I never have.” She looked absolutely appalled and asked, “But you guys use condoms, right?” Now look, Henry and I have been together for what – eight years now? But the look on her face, that innocent, sexually naive look, it made me say, “Oh, of course! Sometimes, three at a time, with a rubber band for good measure.” It was an awkward convo that I wanted to end ASAP. Luckily, Chooch farted, and said friend is secretly a nine-year-old boy so her laughter distracted her for a good ten minutes.
- Painted. Painted painted painted painted. I have some family portraits I’m trying to knock out and I’m also trying to get some new pieces together for a shop that’s slated to open in October. I met with the owner last week and she’s interested in not only selling some of my things in the shop, but she also offered me a showing in the gallery that will be in the back of the shop. She was like, “Think it over and let me know” and I was like, “OK. I have my answer. It’s yes.” Because seriously, it’s not like anyone is beating down my door with opportunities like that. And the shop is in a trendy/arty part of Pittsburgh so I can pretend I’m way cooler than I actually am (which is not at all.) Unfortunately the only chance I get to really paint without distraction is after hours when the males of the house have gone to bed. I seriously need my own apartment somewhere far away from civilization. My productivity would sky-rocket.
- Friday, one of my old friends from school – Liz – was back in town, visiting from Philly. We were tight in middle school, and were friends through high school but admittedly I had gone down a dark path, so she and I didn’t really hang out that much. I hadn’t seen her since 1997, so when I met her in the lobby of her hotel, it was super surreal. We went to Panera and basically shared pieces of info on old classmates we had collected over the years and reminisced about when my family housed a foreign exchange student from France during the summer of ’92. It’s funny how there are vignettes from childhood that stick with you as an adult. I remember being at her house in 7th or 8th grade and her mother sternly saying, “Elizabeth, stop making unilateral decisions!” That was the first time I had heard that word, and I know, I just KNOW the wordwhore in me orgasmed. I still think of that moment whenever I use or hear that word. I told her about that and she didn’t remember it, but thought it was hilarious. Anyway, it was a good way to spend the afternoon and I hope that, now that Facebook has reunited us, we can get together again in the future.
- I went to Lakemont Park yesterday with Henry, Chooch and Alisha. My brother Corey met us out there because it’s near where he goes to school. Expect a post about that sometime this week.
- Tomorrow I’ll be posting a new Freaky Feature so you should look for that. It’s an interesting one!
- Henry did yardwork all on his own today. If I still had a reward chart for him, I’d have put a gold star in the column for “One Uninterrupted Hour to Watch One of Your Stupid CSI Shows.” I’d give him two if he would stop blowing the roof off the house every time he sneezed, Jesus fuck.