Nov 042009
Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.
- 12:39 If this son of a bitch doesn’t choose a costume on the ASAP, I’m fashioning a large green box around him & he’s going as a dumpster baby.
- 17:23 In the height of my Roller Coaster Kingdom obsession, I’ve been signing up for “free offers” using Henry’s cell# to get Coaster Cash.
- 21:26 Fedotenko eased the #Pens deficit to 1 and I just broke my heels on the floor. This game is killing my heart. (And heels, too, apparently.)
- 21:28 SICK!!!!!!!! Just like that, TIE GAME. #Pens #NHL
- ***
- 10:59 If this is supposed to be my favorite holiday, why do I feel like crying.
- 11:16 I think I’m just going to be Henry for Halloween. I just have to kill & de-bone him first; skin will have to be taken in quite a bit too.
- 15:20 Down to the wire, Chooch has decided to just go as the Jason Voorhees default. Instead of a machete, he wants to carry Playdoh. Wtf.
- 16:22 Or, how about we UN-Cage the Elephant.
- 17:55 http://twitpic.com/nqr96 – At this point, I’m like “whatever.” Let’s see how long he keeps the mask on.
- 18:15 All he cares about is everyone’s yard decorations. He’s like the fucking Christopher Lowell of Halloween.
- 18:30 Chooch and Michael Myers just stared each other down.
- 18:35 35th house and he finally got the “trick or treat” part down.
- 18:48 And I wish he would stop choosing lollipops. Mama doesn’t WANT lollipops.
- ***
- 11:51 Sam & Freddy > Carly & Freddy.
- 11:54 I don’t know why we keep pretending. I hate his guts. He hates my guts.
- 13:31 Hey cuntwagon who called me Big Nose in 7th grade, take ur Facebook friend request & deepthroat it. This big nosed bitch can hold a grudge.
- 14:49 Waiting for the day Henry opens his own driving school. And then maybe on his days off, he can teach the Penguins how to play hockey.
- 14:54 Blake is chasing Chooch around a parking lot with two large knives. Sounds like a normal Sunday to me.
- 16:42 It’s hard to remember life pre-NHL Network. Although I feel like I maybe got more shit done.
- 17:46 Just when the world thought it was impossible, another reason to hate football has landed on my crotch.
- ***
- 10:14 Chooch said “Just don’t call daddy anymore” when I said I was in a bad mood. Aw, I hope I win him in the custody battle.
- 10:25 Murdering coffee makers is a messy crime. My sock is saturated with coffee grinds. Better than brain matter, I guess.
- 11:26 Oh hey, how about when I call you crying, you DON’T say “Let me call you back.”
- 16:45 This is a good day for old Jimmy Eat World. Chooch walked by and goes “Oooh, I want to see them. At Warped Tour?”
- 17:17 I thought Henry came home from work early because he gave a shit about me, but turns out it’s because he’s sick. Silly me.
- 20:00 This retarded whore on Brainsurge doesn’t even deserve the bike she just barely won.
- 20:29 You know I’m chocolate’s bitch when I eat a piece out of Chooch’s hand, & god knows where THAT’s been. Ok, I know, just trying to forget.
- 22:53 I’m dying right now, hearing Kate Gosselin refer to herself as selfless. Everyone calls Jon a douche & I’m like “Maybe, but what about HER?”
- ***
- 09:28 Today’s my pappap’s birthday. Wish I could be where he is.
- 09:52 Who needs friends when there’s hockey.
- 10:23 I look @ my stomach & kick myself for not finding some broad to blackmail into surrogacy. What, did you forget I’m a soap opera villainess?
- 14:09 I have to get my license renewed today & Chooch wants me to wear his Jason mask. Wouldn’t it be great if we could go thru life masked.
- 15:11 Henry is writing a thesis on my fake smile. #
- 15:32 My hair looks fantastic in my new license photo. Then my face enters the picture and pukes all over it. #
- 19:18 Chooch is getting a tour of a kitchen by @ohidontthinkso. Who needs the Met when there’s Kara’s parent’s house? #
- 22:11 twitpic.com/o7btb – Chooch drew me and a ghost. Made my day. #
- 22:39 The #Pens are playing like they’re strang ers to each other & their power plays, well, those are making me cry like a porridge-less orphan. #
- ***
- 00:06 #Pens #Ducks game is bananas! #
- 00:38 Hay look @ the dumb! Pumpkin needs a hug: No words. Just pictures. bit.ly/1X5wKT #
- 01:08 Oh hay, yr dad just died? Well, this is So You Think You Can Dance, not So You Think You Can Play That Card. Don’t get tears on our stage. #
- 01:21 There’s nothing like getting an out of the blue phone call from someone who just wants to say you’re on their mind. #
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