According to the text that Henry just sent me, if Chooch had three wishes, they would be:

1. To have the Backstreet Boys sing at our house. [He recently watched “This Is the End” — JUST THE END, even Chooch can’t handle some (most) of the shit that is said/done in that movie! There’s a scene at the end where Backstreet Boys are singing in Heaven and now he’s obsessed with them, but mostly just that one song, thank god.]

2. To live in Heaven so that he can take cool Instagram pictures.

3. For Christofer Drew to be his dad.

If #1 happens, I hope I’m at work. I don’t even want to think about #2, and #3 would be awkward because it would mean Christofer would have been like 14 at the time of Chooch’s conception.

Though I do dream of being a cougar one day….

OK, I have to finish eating my apple.