Apr 26

When tweets celebrate a birthday

Category: tweets

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 18:53 I called a wrong number & now the guy is attempting to court me via text. #
  • 19:01 i gotta admitt something I called ur number to see who was calling me, and ur voice is very cute lol (that’s only b/c he can’t SEE me!) #

  • 10:32 Chooch, to Polly Pocket: Go in kitchen, make me hotdogs! #
  • 11:56 This may be hard to fathom, but Facebook is not the only means of communication. #
  • 15:49 What’s so funny about Pele?!?!?! #
  • 16:00 Canadians are crizazy! I want one for a pet. #
  • 19:05 Just once, I’d love to watch a hockey game in peace. #

  • 00:34 Just started a Twibe. Visit twibes.com/assholeparade to join. Let’s go slay some hobos and stick Combos in nun anuses. #
  • 00:35 Please go to twibes.com and vote for @vagynafondue! (At this point, I’m just clicking shit.) #
  • 09:34 I’ve been working on 3 custom orders this week, and it kind of feels like I have a job. In a good, purposeful way. #  
  • 12:18 I am happy to announce that Chooch didn’t swear the whole time @saucalisha was here with her grandparents. #
  • 13:09 I am srsly, honestly going to flip my shit shortly. Stress is breaking my back. #
  • 13:47 Chooch, hearing Henry’s alarm go off upstairs, screamed “wake ur ass up!” & I flinched at the drill sergeantness of it. #
  • 18:00 The video for “Put a Ring On It” is on, & Chooch just said, after a moment’s consideration, “I’ll put it on her.” o_O #
  • 21:03 Janna can’t like Chooch right now. #

  • 10:31 The “Chooch Can’t Like That” of the day: root beer. #
  • 10:33 Which is too bad, because that’s all I got him for his birthday. (Kidding! I got him a shot gun, too.) #
  • 15:12 Chooch is outside yelling “You bloodsucker” to passing cars. #
  • 15:52 @ohidontthinkso I’m putting a hit out on them, those fuckers. Esp that ginger Hartnell. #
  • 16:26 @ohidontthinkso FUCKING NUTS!!!! #
  • 17:05 Just wondering when someone, anyone, in my family is going to acknowledge Chooch’s birthday. But I mean, they DID miss Xmas, afterall. #
  • 17:13 My Gonchar!!!! <3!!!!! #
  • 17:26 My hockey hysteria caused a man to stop on the sidewalk in front of my house & Henry asked me to plz calm down. Never. #
  • 17:33 This game is a real hair-chewer. #
  • 20:20 My neighbor’s talking to us about gaping wounds & I just burped up puke. #

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3 Comments so far

  1. Ami April 26th, 2009 5:24 pm

    I seriously feel awful about the text stalker. Maybe at least it’s good writing material? ARGH. I’m sorry!!!

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart April 26th, 2009 5:50 pm

    No, don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault at all! Besides, it was pretty entertaining.

    My favorite part was how he just couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that someone from Pittsburgh could have a friend in Michigan, OMG.

  3. Francesco April 26th, 2009 8:43 pm



    reminds me of howlin’ Pelle from The Hives!

    (this is where you thank me for sharing)

    p.s. I won’t be your pet but I’ll be your drug bitch. Get me hooked on something classy like Special K or Meth.

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