May 132015

Quick! Let’s huff the fuck out of this blog post.

  • Wendy and I had lunch at Villa Reale on Friday and she let me have the leftover pizza, and kept saying, “MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER TO TAKE IT HOME TONIGHT” and I felt so panicked about forgetting and letting her down, so I had to write myself a note on my hand, and then I drew a picture as an extra reminder because I’m 35 and you can’t tell me what to do. (But really, who can forget about pizza?)
    • Speaking of pizza, I know that it’s like super trendy all of a sudden to be a pizza connoisseur, and I love me some pizza too, but I’m still grilled cheese’s #1. Also, I’m super picky about pizza and do not subscribe to the “even bad pizza is good pizza” ideology. (I mean, I’ll still eat it. Usually*.)
      • *I threw an entire pizza across the house one time because I hated it. (It had onions on it. CRUNCHY ONIONS.) Ask Henry. It was during our first year dating and he came back after that, for some reason.

  • Can you believe Henry had the audacity to send me this text this morning? I was like, “FUCK OFF YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO” so I left the house without a “light jacket.” I figured I would be OK because I was wearing a sweater. Wrong. It was pretty chilly. So then I called Henry on my walk to the trolley and complained about being chilly because I’m 35 and you can’t tell me what to do!!
  • Yesterday, I bailed out Todd at work (as usual! It’s hard work being everyone’s savior), so he was calling me She-Ra, which made me super happy. But then today, he said it again and I realized he was actually saying “She-ro,” like a female hero, and I mean, that was still cool but it’s no She-Ra. So then Todd was like, “WTF is a She-Ra, anyway?” and Amber1 and I were like, “GTFO how do you not know who She-Ra is, she’s the motherfucking Princess of Power, for fuck’s sake” so then that turned into an early morning discussion and I felt inspired to make a She-Ra Glenn. While I was drawing it, I had some mad deja vu, so I checked the poster board of orginal Glenns and sure enough, I had already made a She-Ra Glenn in 2012. “Way to be redundant,” Glenn mumbled.


  • Speaking of awesome 80’s cartoons, we also discussed our annoyance at the new Jem and the Holograms movie coming out this fall. First, Sandy and I yelled to each other about it across the floor and then when Amber1 got here later, she and I talked about it too, so then I told Allison that if there is one thing she takes away from work today, I hope it’s that broads in their 30s are very upset about the Jem and the Holograms movie. Of course Allison was like, “I don’t even know what Jem is because I’m not an old person.”


  • My friend Kelly tweeted this to me the other day and I was like FUCK YES and then rubbed it in Henry’s face. He was like, “OK, I never said I didn’t like them.” Seriously though, I 100% don’t expect people to like the music I post on here, or even bother listening to it in the first place, so when something like this happens, I feel like a tiny victory over Top 40 music has been won. <3
    • P.S. It occurred to me that I didn’t ask Kelly if I could post this, so I used some trusty Catwangs to protect her Twitter identity from you fools.

  • Here is a photographical quad of my child whining and sweating. This was pre-Ulta melt-down on Saturday. Sticker book or not, I don’t think Henry really stood a chance that night. When Chooch gets in a mood, NOTHING HELPS.
  • Henry was apparently “mad” at me all day yesterday (lol) but he still picked me up from work and proceeded to “ignore me” which just made me crack up, so then he started cracking up too because HE CAN’T STAY MAD AT MY ADORABLE TURTLE FACE.

  • #SPOONSELFIE. Chooch was angry about this one when he saw it. #HenryJr. The novelty of The Spoon has not worn off yet.
  • So, two years ago, we were “Those People” who got suckered into buying some vacation package at the COUNTY FAIR. The COUNTY FAIR, you guys. Anyway, it was for a few nights at some resort in Williamsburg, VA and it is totally one of those timeshare things where you have to sit through some excruciating presentation. But, it was cheap, the resort is beautiful, and we got the Busch Gardens hook-up, which is clearly the only reason Williamsburg would ever be on my radar. We only have two years to use it and Henry FINALLY made our reservations for my birthday week in July and I am so fucking stoked about this because once we’re done tearing shit up in Virginia, we’re making our way down to Savannah and Tybee Island to meet up with my amazing gypsy friend Octavia and her family! I love planning vacations around out-of-town friends. One day, I WILL MEET YOU ALL.
    • I originally said that Henry has to sit through this timeshare thing on his own, but he was like, “Oh no no no this was your idea and we both have to do it” and at first I was like, “I’m 35 and you can’t tell me what to do” but then I pictured the giggle-vomiting that’s bound to happen once I’m in that room. YOU ASKED FOR IT, HENRY.

  • ^Sign of a good weekend! The events that these wristbands belong to will be written about later this week (I promise, Monica!). They were some good times!

  • Chooch waited until 9:00PM Sunday night to try to learn how to crochet. I’m sure you can guess how that went. Lots of rage and tears. “TAKE ME TO CHRIS AND MONICA’S SO THEY CAN HELP ME!” he wailed. Henry was like, “Sure. I don’t have a problem with that. They might, though.”

Ciao for now!

  5 Responses to “Wednesday Whippets”

  1. She-Ra is my girl! My mom wouldn’t let us watch He-Man growing up but for some reason I had a She-Ra comforter on my bed; a lot of confusing hypocritical parenting going-on. I am so with you on the Jem movie trailer. It is HORRIBLE! It looks like they are trying to make it look like some Nicholas Sparks bullshiit. That 1D song they’re playing in it doesn’t help their cause at all either! I’m so mad about it! I wish I lived closer and I could help Chooch crochet.

  2. I hope Chooch picks up the crocheting thing, and makes some crazy cartoon cat plushies. I never watched HeMan growing up but I still know who She-Ra is, for hell’s sake.

    Dude, if you come to Utah, you can meet me AND Brandy! Two broads, one stone!

  3. “Henry was apparently “mad” at me all day yesterday (lol) but he still picked me up from work and proceeded to “ignore me” which just made me crack up, so then he started cracking up too because HE CAN’T STAY MAD AT MY ADORABLE TURTLE FACE.”

    In everything you write, there is a Tolhurst. This is mine. I guess Henry is not so fierce when he’s mad.

    The Robitussin!

    Wait, why was Henry mad? Because you disobeyed his clothing orders?

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