1.Valentinin’
The serial killer cards have been flying off the shelves this season and I am so happy about that! If I could do this for a living, I would be ecstatic. Designing these things bring me great joy! A few orders came in this morning and I faux-bragged about it to Glenn, ending it with “No big deal.”
“You’re right,” Glenn grumbled. “It isn’t a big deal.”
“Hashtag so what,” Todd chimed in and I lost it. I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
Then a few hours later, I received some really great customer feedback.
“Hey Amber,” I called over to her desk. “Someone else thinks I’m wonderful, too.” Because Amber always tells me I’m wonderful just to ruffle Glenn’s plain, boring feathers.
“Hashtag who cares,” Todd chimed in again. “Just trying to keep you grounded so you don’t start coming in here wearing sunglasses.” And then somehow it escalated to the point where Amber2 printed out a sheet of my employee photo and gave it to Glenn! HOW QUICKLY THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! Actually, not very quickly, considering it has taken three years for someone to hand-deliver this idea into Glenn’s lap.
And this concludes the story of how Amber2 re-earned the Mean Amber moniker!
(Seriously though, go get a card or 7!)
In related news, I had all of these Valentines designed in my head, featuring the guys in our department, and they were going to be super hilarious but the rational, job-security-desperate side of me kept whispering, “You could get in trouble for this one, Erin.” I confided in Wendy and at first she was like, “No, I think these are fine. Also, I can’t believe I’m helping you with this.” But later in the day she came over and was like, “OK I’M SORRY BUT I’M PARANOID AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO LOSE YOUR JOB.” And I agree with her that there are certain scenarios where this could become an HR nightmare. So, no Valentines, work pals.
2. GUYS DID YOU KNOW I HAVE CATS AGAIN LOL
They’re finally succumbing to their instinctual sisterly napping behaviors and I’m so thrilled! Sometimes, Marcy used to let Speck cuddle with her even though they weren’t real sisters and Marcy hated everyone but Henry and Satan. So this is bringing back some warm fuzzies or whatever you sappy people call that shit.
Chooch has changed Penelope’s name to Penelopiss.
“Get it? Because instead of PeneloPEE, it’s PeneloPISS?”
Yes, son. I get it. I got it. Thanks for ruining my cat’s name.
Such tired.
3. HOCKEY FUCK YEAH!
Barb, my favorite person in the whole entire world, gave me her tickets to the Pens game on Tuesday. It was super last minute, and I still wasn’t feeling entirely well, but fuck it: hockey over everything. Luckily, Chooch is super down with going to to Pens games now because he understands that this is the way of life.
Plus he gets to spend my money on overpriced ice cream bars.
We loved the people in front of us! (No sarcasm.) No one ever wants to high-five me at hockey games, but this guy did! And we scored six times too so that was SIX HIGH FIVES. I used real, old-fashioned math for that one. Not Common Core. I’d still be typing out my answer, otherwise.
OK, not to be all sentimental and MommyBloggy, but when Sidney Crosby got a hat trick, Chooch went ape shit because he totally understood the greatness of it all, and I got all teary-eyed because this was a MEMORY that Chooch and I were making together, and it involved the Penguins! A team he used to hate! Ugh, my heart.
Also, here’s some pictures of Barb’s chili pepper-pants’d boy toy:
I kept texting them to her throughout the game and I can only imagined how annoyed she was.
Anyway, other shit happened but I’m going to save that for Chooch to tell. We’re hopefully going to start a new monthly thing called Chooch Chats where people ask him shit and then he gets to talk his face off. Henry and I are going to try to film the first episode this weekend provided we don’t kill each other and that I don’t lose interest, because I’m pretty whatever about YouTube. I’m sure this will fizzle out just like all of my other sad attempts at series do. (RIP: Frown of the Day; Henry Bombs; Goofus & Gallant, OhHonestlyErin-Style; Freaky Features…..sigh. I have no niche.)
4. CARLY RAE JEPSEN
Literally the only reason I watched that live Grease thing last weekend. Did you know that I have never seen the actual Grease movie? And that I have no plans on ever remedying that? I just have never given a shit about it and I remember DEFINITELY running out of shits to give back in high school when our dumb drama club people performed it one year and if I heard someone say the name “Kenickie”* one more time as I walked down the hallway, I probably would have dropped out then instead of waiting until a month before graduation.
*I had to google how to spell that dumbass’s name.
ALL OF A SUDDEN I’M REALLY ANGRY NOW!?
Anyway, CRJ was beautiful as always. I guess the rest of it was OK? I couldn’t tell if I was supposed to like it or not.
5. The People Vs. OJ Simpson
Obviously I have been chomping at the bit for this series to start. Obsessed since ’94! I’ve referenced my OJ pog story on here at least 87 times so I’ll spare you. Last year, I was inspired to make an OJ painting, and this was before I even knew that a series was being made! Literally, I was like, “What should I paint? OJ shit.” Like the cast of the OJ trial are the new happy trees.
If I still used LiveJournal, I’d be using my Kato Kaelin and OJ icons exclusively right now.
Well friends, that’s all I feel like finger-pounding out right now. Maybe another day, I’ll sing you the song of THE MAN IN THE ATTIC. But right now, my cup of cream of wheat is calling my name. Peace out, Girl Scout!