Mar 272017

One of the best things about Boots destroying the other side of our duplex is that it inspired the landlord to finally, after so many years I lost count, fix our backporch. The roof had basically collapsed, making that space completely unusable, and I used to use it a lot back in the day! 

So the landlord had the contractor guys redo the entire thing for us while they were next door fixing up the disaster Boots left over there. DAEBAK!!

(I peeked in the front window and it looks REALLY nice so I’m hoping he raised the rent and some non-lowlife moves in.)

We spent the weekend adding a little flair to the space. Henry is going to paint the floor but said he waits for it to be warmer because….and I quit listening. So I threw down the Devil rug for the time being. And we have no furniture out there other than a wheelchair so if you come over, bring a tuffet, Little Miss Muffet. 

(That just brought back a horrible memory of the time we were playing Scattergories at game and the category was furniture. My answer was tuffet and everyone tried to veto it! IM SORRY BUT IF THAT MUFFET BITCH SAT ON IT, IT COUNTS.)

The fact that I said “I want to get lights for the porch” and Henry not only bought lights but HUNG THEM on the same day is ground-breaking. He either really loves me or is just officially on auto-pilot. 

While we were at Target on Saturday in search of them, we spotted someone we knew and didn’t feel like talking so we did the whole “hiding in the toy aisle” thing. I was like, “Man thank god Chooch isn’t here, his big mouth would totally give us away. ‘WHAT? WHERE? WHO ARE YOU HIDING FROM? HER? HIM?'” 

Ugh, kids, amirite. 

However, I texted my mom and told her what was going on because THIS IS WHERE I GET IT FROM. I remember hiding in the attic with her when I was in elementary school because someone from the PTA was knocking on our door with a bunch of shit they wanted my mom to type. 

And people wonder why I run when the pizza guy comes a’knocking. 

Anyway, a few minutes pass and then I hear some Target boy come on the intercom, saying, “Would Erin Kelly please report to her car?” And he releated it THREE TIMES. 

“I can’t believe my mom did that!” I laughed incredulously. 

I can,” Henry smirked. 

When I told Octavia, she said, “That sounds like something you would do to Chooch!” And I guess we all know where I get it.

The cats are terrified of the HORRIFIC porch and refuse to go out there, so my plants are safe for now. 

Henry let me paint some bricks! He knew it would keep me quiet. While I was painting, I had a flashback to a time in high school when some guy (pick one) called me weird and whatever teacher quickly interrupted and said, “She’s not weird! Erin is, um, artistic.”

OK, but I identify more with weird and have never been offended by it. Do you know how many times I’m called weird at work?! It’s fine. 

Octavia sent me this beautiful European circus posters years ago and I was saving them until I found a grand way to display them, but this will do for now. It’s time for them to get some spotlight!

Originally, I thought the wood paneling was tacky, but now it’s growing on me. I feel like the theme to All in the Family should be playing quietly in the background every time someone walks out there. Needs more burnt orange and burgundy. 

(Also, it’s better than the PARTICLE BOARD that used to be out there omg.)

I’m going to add some more pumpkins at varying lengths.  I’m also looking for one of those big plastic light-up Santas, because I want this room to have a loose holiday theme. 

The floor is blah right now and henry has rejected my idea for glittered epoxy so we’ll see how this pans out as time goes on. But even just at this stage, every time I step out the door, I’m like 아싸!

I’m really excited. This is like a blank canvas for me and I can’t wait to Pollock the FUCK out of that bitch. 

  2 Responses to “Hidden Porch Update!”

  1. I love porches and decks for some reason. This looks like it will be awesome! And the first thing I would have done would be to add lights also; I freaking love lights!

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