May 242018

OMG do you guys remember that song by Jodeci called “Lately“?! It’s been in my head ever since I titled this dumb post. But anyway, life has been going at a nice, slow pace lately and I’ve been enjoying that, because after the mania of the walking challenge, I can definitely stand to slow it down a bit. (Only getting 15,000 steps a day like a regular person!)

Here are just a few things I want to e-jot down for posterity. You know me and my sentimentality.

  • The biggest news right now is THE EMPTY HOUSE NEXT DOOR. So if you’re a Constant Reader (lol I always wanted to write that and I have no idea why), you know that we have had a string of Problem Neighbors living in the unit next to us and you also know that we live in a townhouse/duplex-type thing. So sharing a wall with assholes can pretty much make a life hell, you know? After the last ones left (on account of The Drug Raid), the landlord went in and cleaned it out; unlike Boots, they didn’t trash the place so he was able to plant the For Rent sign in the front yard with a quickness. I was not OK with this because it allowed the nightmares to start flowing in everynight like some sick Eli Roth rental property trilogy. I have no idea what I’m saying! But then Henry’s son Blake was like, “Hmm. Lemme look at this place” and so the landlord met Blake and Haley over there last week and it seemed like it was going to work out! They asked if there were other people interested and he was like, “Money talks” because that’s all that matters, background checks be damned. Anyway, B&H raced to get all the stuff together so that they could beat everyone else to the lease-signing while I dreamt of DUEL HOUSEHOLD DELUXE KPOPX NIGHTS and Henry and Haley starting a garden and all of us getting ice cream from the ice cream truck together even though the ice cream truck never comes down our street and when it does, it’s questionable and sketchy at best. Haley called him like a day later to see if it was still available because they were ready, and he was all, “Sorry, it’s taken” so we were all so pissed! “Blake and Haley are probably too upstanding, that’s why! They’re not ex-convicts!” I cried to Henry and then the nightmares came back even stronger because now I knew that I was getting neighbors in a week or two and I was a nervous wreck over it. But then! The landlord contacted Blake on Friday and was like, “So, are we meeting up or?” and Blake was like, “You literally just told my fiancee that the place was rented” and the landlord was all, “Oh, I guess I didn’t realize that’s who I was talking to.” Oh for God’s sake. Anyway, this is a lot of words just to say that BLAKE AND HALEY AND CALVIN ARE MOVING NEXT DOOR TO US THIS WEEKEND! And Chooch and I already left them a surprise:

Welcome home. 

  • Speaking of home, Henry and I have several fun (lol, for me, not for him) projects we’re working on (we’re re-doing the coffee table, for one!) and by that I mean he kind of started it and I keep nagging him about it everyday. #TerribleGirlfriend But I did get him to hang some stuff up over the weekend and I did that by using the strategy where I start small, like, “Can you hang this one thing on the wall just this one thing only. One. Uno. 하나.” And then when he’s done hanging that one thing, he turns around and I’m all, “Surprise here are 8 more things, might as well just do it while the hammer’s out” and then (after he predictably mimics hitting me with the hammer) 5 minutes later Chooch has a gallery wall that he completely won’t even notice. I call this story “Sunday.” Could I do this myself? SURE. Do I want to? NO.

I really needed that Wicker Man to be hung. I made it last October when I was decortating at work and I was going to toss it afterward but Chooch, who had recently become entralled with the Wicker Man, wanted to keep it, but then it was just leaning against his wall all these months and I’m sorry but TAKE BETTER CARE OF THAT THING says the broad who was just going to pitch it anyway. So now that’s hung, and the Where’s Negan print that Henry got for him two Christmases ago I think, and the adorable Red Velvet picture he had taken at SMTown in Korea:

Chooch likes art, which makes me happy.

  • OMG tomorrow something is going on with the  trolley where I have to take it the opposite direction to some other stop and then SWITCH and I am so distraught and nervous about this. I almost asked Lauren if she would switch with me so I can work late shift tomorrow from home and not have to worry about it but I have lunch plans that I would have to cancel and I don’t want to dooooooo thaaaaaaaat. I am so stressed out! You know how I am with the trolley.
    • Speaking of, today I’m on late shift so I took the trolley into town with the unsavories and immediately some broad sat behind and started shouting into her phone about her dog’s poop and how she can’t get him on a good schedule and she loves her roommates but they’re not fucking help. She had Yinzer Voice so I was not sympathetic to her plight.
  • I’m awful and haven’t started sending any Greetings from Erin’s Lunch Break post cards yet because right after I kickstarted that campaign again, the weather turned shitty and then I became consumed by the Walking Challenge. I vow to start next week for real! I’m going to buy postcards on Tuesday. YOU’LL SEE. But since I’m not starting yet, I can spare a lunch break tale for you today: WHILE ON MY LUNCH BREAK (that’s how Lunch Break Tales start), I was walking back toward my building when I heard super loud, Crimes of Passion-level cries and then before I could swivel, I was walking right into a domestic dispute. For a split second, I was caught up in it, the third wheel on the Jerry Springer Show, accidentally blocking their vicious insults about I GAVE UP MY PUSSY FOR YOU (??) and TELL YOUR GRANDMA I DON’T WANT YOU! (ok) with my unfortunately-placed body until I was finally able to hot-step it the fuck out of there. There was quite a crowd gathering at this point because nothing like a good ol’ rumble between scorned lovers to bring society together. Eventually, a cop moseyed his way over and was like, “OK, you can’t do this here” so then they were yelling AT HIM about EACH OTHER just as, I shit you not, a FUCKING SEGWAY TOUR ROLLED UP ON THE DRAMA like the whitest motherfucking mother duck and her white-ass chicks, and they all turned their dorky helmet-clad heads in unison toward the trashy quarrel, all these white middle-aged people in their Dockers and polos, and I just lost it. It was the funniest juxtaposition I’ve see in a while.
  • BTS is back in Korea which means all the GOOD comeback stages are happening so we can actually see the choreo. The MNET ones are on YouTube already and I feel so blessed to come home from work to this. I LOVE J-HOPE’S PURPLE HIGHLIGHTS.

I know I had more to say but now I’m distracted and need to watch BTS’s comeback show again. HEY, IT’S MY LIFE, OK.

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