The last time we were in Tennessee was in 2011 with our friends Bill and Jessi, and we missed them so much this time around! I remember when they invited us to go with them that year, I was like, “Ew, Tennessee. What’s even in Tennessee?” and then found out that this area in particular is A FUCKING WONDERLAND. It has something for everyone! Country crap for country people. Old people shit for old people. Church garbage for Christians. Outdoor junk for nature nerds. AND A ZILLION TOURIST TRAPS FOR ME. We will get to all that stuff later.
On Saturday, aka Dollywood Eve, we made some time for some Smoky Mountain action, because you can’t go to the Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg area without doing at least a little bit of nature shit. I made sure Chooch changed out of his stained hoodie (literally got like 48 stains on it just in the four hours it took us to get from our hotel in Beckley, WV to Tennessee — just watching him eat lunch made me realize that I failed as a mom because my kid is 12 and still needs a bib) and into socially-acceptable garb beforehand, and then we set off for the Great Smoky National Park or whatever, where Henry was immediately at wit’s end with us and praying for a bear attack.
He’s so mean. :(
I’m not the most nature-y person, but damn, it’s really fucking beautiful there you guys. Not a bad view anywhere. (Unless someone with a MAGA hat gets in your line of vision.)
Second time in the Smokies and I still don’t know how to spell it.
Senior picture practice.
He’s a good sport (mostly) about these photoshoots and always has a pose or two of his own to contribute. Um, like this one.
We actually kind of got along during our scenic stroll through the bear-laden woods. (I was so afraid of getting attacked! Are they hibernating yet? I’M NOT SURE!) I felt like we were, I don’t know, making family memories or something. Like some day, Chooch will fondly recount this day to his future kids and they’ll be like, “What’s a mountain? What’s a tree?”
OMG WHY DID I TYPE THAT NOW I’M SO DEPRESSED.
Here’s some more that I took with my phone-y-phone-la-la-la.
My favorite part was when Chooch and I were practicing exaggerated walking moves from Leslie Sansone walking workouts and didn’t realize that there was a family having some type of celebratory picnic nearby, watching our every move. THEY WERE SO JEALOUS OF OUR CREATIVE WALKING. I think this was the point where Henry ran back to the car ahead of us and tried to lock us out.
It’s nothing short of a miracle that he didn’t:
- faceplant on a rock
- fall into the water and get swept away into the jaws of a bear
How many murders have happened in these woods.
In Korean, the word for mountain is SAN (산) which you would know IF YOU READ MY KOREA TRAVEL BLOG POSTS.
God, you guys. The things you could learn from this stupid blog! IT IS A TREASURE TROVE OF TRIVIA.
We kept making Henry pull over at overlooks and he was getting so pissed because people weren’t parking to his liking.
We came here last time too!
Man, for only being in Tennessee for two days, I have so much to tell you! So, check back or whatever.