Feb 27 2010
tweets for me, tweets not for you
Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.
- 14:36 Having extreme regret for all I ate yesterday. Bad food puts me in a bad(der) mood. Hummus and carrots for lunch it is. #
- 15:09 Bullies, that’s all these Russians are. I’m boycotting white Russians until the #Olympics are over. N/m it’s been 5 yrs since I had one. #
- 15:12 And don’t even think you’ll see me in my kokoschnik until at LEAST April. #olympics #russiansarebulliesgoeatyourborscht #
- 16:50 Don’t hurt Jagr, you Russian Ovechfuck!! #
- 18:54 Been at Altar Bar for 15 minutes and don’t hate anyone yet!! #
- 20:24 Some beefy guy just clamped his porkchop hand on @saucalisha’s back. Can’t see her face but know she’s scowling. #
- 20:50 RT @penschat Anyone watching ice dancing or figure skating instead of #TeamUSA vs. #TeamCanada right now should jump off a bridge. #
- 21:09 Forgot how much i like Nonpoint. Drunk guy to my left is ready to topple. I have fear. #
- 21:34 At a rock show and STILL watching hockey. No biggie. #
- 21:51 Countdown to me crying like a baby. #
- 21:57 But no, don’t play Fleury or anything like that, Babcock. #teamcanada #
- 22:01 Altar Bar erupted in cheers for #teamusa. I felt so conflicted, like the time I couldn’t decide between rifle and ice pick. #
- 06:53 This past weekend was the equivalent to escaping Leatherface’s house on one leg. I feel horrible, mentally & physically. #
- 06:56 The only exercise I got all weekend was jumping to Nonpoint. I’m going to have to join the army or something. Obviously. #
- 07:06 RT @spacecoaster “Don’t just DO something–stand there!” The closest the Tea Party has to a political platform. #
- 07:18 I always feel so much more alive after seeing Cold. #
- 08:38 Sitting here trying to figure out a way to word my resignation without it sounding like “Daddy says I can’t work here anymore.” #
- 08:46 I’m so exhausted that multiplying 23×2 in my head made me cry. #
- 10:11 Fuuuuuuck I hate making bad-news phone calls. I guess I’m finishing out the week and I’m done. #
- 11:47 U know that feeling u get when u put out a hit & the hitman takes out the wrong person? Add a side of toothache & that’s how I feel. #
- 13:23 IKR?! RT @kausatoday Funny how no one is mentioning Fleury to be Canada’s goalie even though he has 30 playoff wins over the past 2 springs #
- 16:25 Chooch just explained to me the directions on the Mac n Cheese box; sadly his recipe comprehension exheeds his mother’s. #
- 17:45 My exhaustion told me that changing the spelling of “exceed” to “exheed” would be ok. Just a little FYI-aperitif before dinner. #
- 06:57 I’m sincerely hoping that Katy Perry’s turn as a Proactiv spokespizzaface means she’s on her way to obscurity, a la Jessica Simpson. #
- 07:32 Um. It’s been 2 days and i’m still crying about Cold. #
- 09:34 All I do is sit around waiting to be told what to do next, like goddamn Kindercare. It’s a wonder I don’t need a permission slip to piss. #
- 09:52 God I can’t even perform the inherent act of swallowing saliva properly. #
- 13:50 My boss said he’s bummed Henry had to ruin my job here; called me a good egg. I laughed. #
- 14:00 I feel like I work in a waiting room. I just SIT here WAITING. Kind of glad I’m done on Friday. #
- 17:52 Way to keep us posted, @NBCOhockey. #
- 19:58 Pulling for a #teamcanada win. Wish they’d have played Fleury but I do enjoy hearing the LUUUUU chants. #olympics #
- 20:06 Henry made a big pot of baby food for dinner; acted surprised when I wouldn’t eat it. #
- 21:42 I love the “We want Russia” chant from Canadian crowd. Fuck all the other events, #Olympic hockey is too exciting to watch anything else. #
- 07:22 I am definitely going through a life crisis. Listening to Frank Turner is coddling though. #
- 08:41 HEY GUESS WHAT IM DOING AT MY JOB RIGHT NOW, OMG IM WAITING!!! WAS THAT YR GUESS??? YOU JUST WON MY LIFE!!! #
- 08:48 I’m an ugly person. #
- 09:11 I keep dreaming about someone no longer in my life and it’s stressing me out in more ways than I could have imagined. #
- 09:16 Fuck I can’t keep sitting here, waiting. My skin is a’tremble; tears springing to my eyes. Don’t care that I’m getting paid to do fuck all. #
- 11:58 Frolicking in the cem with my nutso kid is way better than playing waiting games in an office. yfrog.com/4erdeij #
- 12:25 Chooch just praised me for getting him in his carseat without incident. Well, it IS a big deal if you know me. #
- 13:26 On Words With Friends, you can play “homo” and “lez,” but not “Jew.” Shit, you’re an asshole for trying. #
- 13:27 Got a box of chocolate cookies in the mail today just for writing @coupesetique’s name in the snow. The world isn’t so bad sometimes. #
- 14:10 The sight of my three year old thumbing through the new issue of @altpress (& recognizing bands) made my heart swell. #
- 16:46 That puck really looked like it went in for the Swiss. #teamusa #olympics #
- 17:00 I feel spoiled by #Olympic hockey. Henry who. #
- 17:19 If not for Hiller in goal, that Swiss-US game would have been a BLOWOUT. At least Mark Streit is used to losing. #teamusa #
- 19:38 I wish I had a #teamcanada jersey to wear right now. Oh god, please beat the Russians. #
- 19:39 GETZLAF! 1-0 Canada. Just think, that could have been doucheknobber Jeff Carter. #teamcanada #
- 19:42 Will be interesting to see if the Shark line scores against their NHL teammate. I should not be this excited while sober!!! #
- 19:59 I feel bad for Malkin and Gonch but GODDAMN GO CANADA! Was NOT expecting them to lead 3-0 in the 1st. #teamcanada #
- 20:17 Henry just ran down a laundry list of all his wifely duties (laundry included) while apparently all I do is watch hockey. I’m Tolhursting. #
- 20:27 I wish I had a La-Z-Boy and a taste for beer. Time to scour Goodwill for nacho- and Skol-stained flannels. #authenticatingtherolereversal #
- 21:09 Henry just found Chooch inside a pillowcase. Chooch is our son, by the way; not the family hamster. #
- 21:10 RT @drosennhl This reminds me of Game 7, Pitt-Wash. Big hype, and one team just dominates because a Russian couldn’t stop a puck. #
- 21:46 Canada/Russia = most entertaining hockey game i’ve seen in awhile. Tempers are FLARING. Malkin elbowed a benched Getzlaf in the face, lol. #
- 21:51 Final score 7-3, #teamcanada! Totally didnt predict this! GO HOME OVECHKIN. #
- 21:56 Mike Milbury, on Russia: I was disappointed that these guys came with their Eurotrash game. #
- 22:17 Went to HS w/ a girl who told ppl she drove a Hummer b/c she was “rich.” Funny, I thought it was because she was a slovenly American asshole #
- 07:04 Get fucked, nostalgia. #
- 07:08 Lindsay Vonn might be good at skiing or whatever it is she does, but she should put more practice in having a less annoying voice. #
- 07:35 The problem is that I have not rebounded. #
- 09:04 Just found out the wife of someone I shouldn’t care about died yesterday and I’m at this stupid job trying not to cry. #
- 09:07 I’m glad I get up at 6am to come to this lame job for entir e hour. I’ve srsly been working just to pay for the gas it takes to get here. #
- 10:35 On today’s Brightside List: I don’t know anyone in real life like The Real World DC’s Ashley. Certainly something to smile about. #
- 18:21 I hate it when the pizza guy interrupts my soul-baring moment with Henry. Not that Henry was listening anyway. #
- 07:01 Me: I was very mature at 4. Henry: Really? Because you’re not very mature at 30. #
- 07:35 I sincerely need to stop crying everyday on the way to work. Oh wait, this is my last day. Lolsies. #
- 08:12 Nothing beats an intense joyride through the snow to a job I won’t have after today. #
- 09:21 Erin, did you make it to work OK? Why, yes Henry, thanks for asking. #
- 10:31 I was only at this job for 16 days yet my boss almost made me cry when he wished me luck. FUCK SENSITIVITY. #
- 14:25 Asked Chooch if he wants to play hockey. “How about croquet instead?” he asked. Sure Chooch, I’ll sign you up for lessons w/ the Red Queen. #
- 15:08 I’m so happy I can end this emotionally exhausting week with two Olympic hockey games. Go #teamusa and #teamcanada!! #
- 15:31 Finland didn’t get the memo that this is the Olympic semifinal. #teamusa is up 6-0 and there’s still 6 min left in the 1st pd. Massacre. #
- 22:03 My neighbors have a staircase to infinity on which they walk in cinderblock boots. God love ’em. #
- 03:42 I might die if I don’t order a Swivel Sweeper G2 RIGHT NOW. I want to see if it’ll pick up the bone fragments in my basement. #
- 07:53 My cats are 9 sec away from filming a sappy Enya-backed starving cat commercial & I’m like, ” Have you SEEN the chubs on you??” Get a life! #
- 09:53 I can smell her on my sweat shirt. #
- 10:24 A little snow doesn’t seem so bad when other places are being ravaged by earthquakes and tsunamis. So fucking scary. #
- 10:25 I need a backpack that allows me to publicly display a box of tampons. Then I’ll take it kayaking. What’s up, menstruation? #
- 13:03 I would feel better if there were perhaps some sort of sign. #
- 13:35 Just overheard Henry say he’s tired of seeing Chooch’s weener. #
- 14:05 Of all the CDs to choose from, Chooch pulls out Copeland and asks, “Can we listen to this today?” Well. I DID ask for a sign, I guess. #
Automatically shipped by Lo udTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.
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