I don’t have anything to say other than hello, welcome to Friday, and here are five subjects for you to read.
ERIN & CHOOCH GO TO THE BAKERY
Thursday morning, I dragged Chooch with me to the library because I had 4 books waiting to be picked up. On the way there, he said he also wanted to go to the bakery and I said that’s great but I didn’t bring my wallet because, with my role as An Irresponsible Adult, leaving my wallet behind is Step #1 (Step #2 is not locking the door).
I literally don’t even carry a purse anymore.
Anyway! After another awkward installment of Are We Supposed to Go Inside the Library or Not?, we went next door to the bakery. They limit 5 customers at a time during the pandemic, and there were only three people in there BUT!! Two of them were wearing masks UNDER their noses. For the love of god, why is wearing a motherfucking mask SO HARD FOR SOME AMERICANS?! So we waited outside and when one of the people came out, he looked at us like, “Yinz coulda gone in by now” and I was like “JUST WAITING FOR YOUR UNCOVERED SCHNOZZ TO EXIT THE BUILDING, THX.”
Right away, Chooch was like “I WANT THAT” and pointed to the case of mini pumpkin cakes and the bakery girl was like “OK” and then Chooch was like, “Wow, did I really just say it like that” and I was like, “You mean like your three-year-old nephew demanding a toy? Yes, yes you did.”
But then I was like I WANT THAT TOO because I felt like pounding some cake in my face that day. I had been having a bad week, OK?! Thursday morning brunch-cake sounded smashing. Plus, the little tag said they were .95 cents which I thought was very cheap.
THEN WE SAW THESE!!!
At first I was happy that there were so many more Trumps than Bidens because my logic was that it meant more Biden supporters had visited the bakery that morning that MAGAsses, but then I was like, “OR DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE PURPOSELY BUYING THE BIDEN ONES SO THEY CAN DO MEAN THINGS TO IT??” and Chooch was like, “Remember when we agreed you wouldn’t talk to me in public.”
I proudly said, “And we’ll take the last two Bidens!” hoping that it would spark a sense of camaraderie within the bakery walls but no one cared.
While she was adding up our order, I whispered to Chooch, “You DO have cash right?”
He pulled out a wad of crumpled bills. “Yeah, I have like $7,” he said and right when I was like, “OK good it definitely won’t be any more than that,” the bakery girl said, “That’ll be $8.96.”
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?
“How much are those Biden cookies,” I asked her in a strained I’M NOT PANICKING tone.
Chooch was mathing it up quietly and he said, “Yeah OK that makes sense,” but then I was like, “WTF how many of those pumpkin cakes did she give us then?! WILL WE HAVE TO GO PANHANDLE ON GODDAMN BROOKLINE BLVD NEXT TO THE OLD LADY WHO PICKS UP CIGARETTE BUTTS” but by then, Chooch had magically conjured up exactly $9.
“Thank god,” Chooch said as soon as we were back ojut on the sidewalk, deeply exhaling in unison. “I really didn’t want to have to be like, OK NEVER MIND” and I was like, “Yeah, I was about to run away and move to a different town with a new bakery.”
I was inspecting the receipt though to figure out if we got screwed or not and YES & NO.
Those stupid pumpkin cakes were actually $2.49. SO THEY WERE MISLABLED.
“Yeah, I was wondering why they were called ‘Gems,'” Chooch shrugged.
So, now Chooch only has 4 cents to his name, but at least we got to enjoy Biden cookies and pumpkin cakes on an otherwise non-descript Thursday morning.
P.S. I felt so bad about it that I called Henry said, “You have to give Chooch $10,” and of course he asked, “Why” in a very hesitant and worrisome tone.
WE HAD AN ACCIDENT AT THE BAKERY OK JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I’m off today, had to get a deep cleaning/scaling procedure done at the periodontist since the dumb dentist that did it three years ago didn’t do a very fine job (YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THE COPIOUS DENTAL DRAMA BLOG POSTS ABOUT THAT FALL-OUT). Anyway, the guy who did today’s procedure also did a gum procedure on me (some laser thing if I remember correctly) after I got my braces off in the 90s. He’s still relatively young-ish so he must have been only been in his early 30s back then. Anyway, I was very scared to do this because of COVID obviously, having avoided any legit human contact since March, but they had very strict safety procedures in place, for instance, I had to call them from my car when I got there so they could let me know if it was clear to come in (mask on of course), at which point they immediately had me hand-sanitize and my temperature was taken. So that made me feel OK.
Anyway, when that dumb dentist did this, she (actually it wasn’t even the dentist it was the hygienist and she wasn’t dumb; I liked her very much, but that whole office was kind of SUS, to use a word I learned from AMONG US) did one side of my mouth and it took 90 minutes, and then I had to go back to have the other side down. It was SO PAINFUL.
But this guy is a specialist and he did 3/4 of my mouth (he determined one side didn’t need it thank god) in an hour. Also, he administered the most painless doses of Novacaine I had ever received. I mean, he fucking pumped me full of that shit though, to the point where, after he left the room to let it do its thing, I was laying there with heart palps, wondering if maybe I could die.
And he had the calmest, most gentle voice! He kept telling me I was doing a great job, and at the end, he was like, “My day can only go downhill from here, you set the bar so high.” And I was like, “Ahskjdha lahfduyalsueiry” and he was like, “No, thank YOU. You handled this exceptionally well” and if there is one thing that you should know about me, and my co-workers will definitely attest with a hearty eye roll, is that I am still a five-year-old who needs copious accolades and praise dumped upon her. So I was ready to do cartwheels out of that place (except that it was almost a somersault when I tripped going down the steps).
Also, he said he was confident that this procedure is going to bring back my gum health to about 95% and that is what I want to hear. I have always been neurotically obsessed with my oral health – you should see my google search history – so I feel relieved that hopefully that’s one less thing to worry about.
(I drive Henry nuts about it. I mean, among other things.)
CHOOCH GOES WITH ME TO FILL A PRESCRIPTION
Then I had to go to CVS and get a prescription for amoxicillin because the guy wants to be extra aggressive with treating it and he thinks that taking this for 5 days will help and I am all for that. But the problem is that I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRESCRIPTION FILLED BY MYSELF BEFORE. I don’t think I have?! Or maybe it’s just been so long that I can’t remember?!
Either way, I had to text Henry how to do it and he was like, “Take it to CVS.”
Um. OK. But I need more detailed instructions. Like, what do I need to bring? Will it cost hundreds of dollars? Then I had to send Henry a picture of my insurance card so that he could verify if it was correct.
(I don’t know, OK?! I have three different cards for things!)
Chooch had a little break between classes so I begged him to go with me. On the way there, I asked, “Do you think I will need my ID? I’ve never done this by myself before.”
“I don’t know!” Chooch cried, “either have I!” and then I was like, “Oh yeah, you’re 14.”
Anyway, at least I knew where to go once inside CVS, but when I went to the drop-off window and managed to mouth-marble, “I need a prescription filled” while gurgling on saliva, the guy was like, “No, please step over here” and pointed to the consultation window and I was like THEN WHY EVEN HAVE SIGNS but whatever.
Chooch had to stay near in case he needed to translate for me since honestly I have never had this much Novacaine in my mouth at once and could barely talk.
Anyway, turns out that I didn’t need my ID at all, just my insurance card, but when dude asked for it, I thought he said “charge card” and I hesitated, like, look pal I know I’m all numb & numb right now but when did I time travel to the 80s also will you accept Diners Club?
GOOD SMELLS / FOODZ / MUSIX
In the “THINGS I AM LIKING” category of today’s Friday 5, I present to you:
- Soohyang candles from South Korea.
I bought a few samples just to see if I would like them even though I was pretty sure I would, and shipping was free because Korea is he fucking BEST. And they arrived in about 5 days!
Boy’s Neck is my favorite. Chooch has absconded with Figue, but Gangnam 8 is a fucking nasal jamboree as well. Highly recommend these candles!
- Sweet Potato Burger from Zenith
And in the “good foodz I masticated in the last week” category, I have for your consideration another beastly burger from Zenith: this one is sweet potato and it was INCREDIBLE. I can’t wait until we’re able to safely eat at restaurants again so I can go there and give those peeps a high-five (or elbow-bump, because will touching other people ever be OK again?) because they have been keeping our spirits lifted during this pandemic but consistently offering weekly curbside pickup.
Also, their Instagram posts always make me smile. They’re such good people! Even if you’re a meat-head, you should give them a try. If Henry likes it, you will probably like it too!
- WISH YOU WERE HERE, BY SUPERM:
Don’t even tell me this isn’t adorable.
I made some more progress in the Popsicle Room! You know how I love me some fucking stripes, fam.
I have one additional thing that I need to add (HENRY BROKE IT WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO HANG IT SO HE HAD TO BUST OUT THE SUPER GLUE) but I don’t want to “gild the lily” (gotta meet my quota since I apparently say it ALL THE TIME according to my son) because those stripes are too nice to be covered!!
A few years ago, we were at a red light and I saw this sign on a telephone pole. The fair was over by then so I felt it was fair game to run over and pry it off the pole. I actually forgot that I had it until we started the walls in this room and Henry found it with a bunch of other shit that I’ve accumulated over the years that are waiting in line to be framed. The color scheme is almost identical! It’s like kismet YOU COULD SAY.
This is definitely my new favorite area of the house. It will be especially fun the next time I have a video meeting at work because it’ll be in the background and Wendy hates clowns so much haha.
Penelope doesn’t care, just as long as she can still spy on HNC when he’s in the driveway doing man stuff.
OK, that’s it. That’s 5. Now I’m going to go and read the rest of Home Before Dark, which is shaping up to be the best Riley Sager book I’ve read so far, but there’s still time for it to go downhill. Also, all of the Novacaine has worn off and I’m getting a little OUCHY. Alsox2, I have to go find where Henry ran off to – he quietly slipped away because I think he is tired of me talking about my teeth and gums but hello, I got my wisdom teeth out in the first month of our relationship and was the High Priestess of Dramaville, so he knew what he signed up for.